Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[harv681]

My daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend of one year (they are both 24). We all embraced him as a member of the family, and he was welcomed to holiday dinners and vacations. The whole extended family was impressed by his wit, intelligence, and gentle nature. I saw how he adored my daughter, and she seemed crazy about him as well. I thought he was going to be "the one," but in the past month, my daughter hinted she was feeling overwhelmed and pressured for a committment she was not ready for. I advised her to speak with him and tell him how she felt, that perhaps they would both benefit from taking a few steps back. She broke it off entirely, and in speaking with her she feels she made the right decision. As a mother, I am of course supportive of her, but at the same time, I know he was devastated and my heart aches for him. I am so sad! Has anyone else experienced this?

 

[Mom 2em All]

Ahhh yes. I am dealing with the same thing- my son is nineteen and he was with her girlfriend for a year. She ended it, and we had loved her like one of our own- family gathering, holidays, etc. She unfriended us on facebook, and I sent her a text about a week ago. Said simply, "miss you hope you are doing okay"- and she replied with "Im perfectly wonderful".

My son is heartbroken.

My daughter was with her boyfriend for three years. She is only seventeen- and they grew apart. We loved him as our own as well, but he had alot of emotional issues. While we miss him as well, as a mama Im glad to see her seperate herself from what will be greater heartache later on down the road.

 

[harv681]

I really would like to reach out to the young man and wish him well but do not want to pour salt in a raw wound. At what time frame did you text your son's ex?

 

[Mom 2em All]

two weeks after the breakup. Different situation though-girlfriend broke up with my son. I did not contact my daughters bf because she was the one who broke up with him- and I wouldnt want to give him any false hope that she had been talking about him;reconciling, etc.

 

[harv681]

I suppose I should just butt out. I feel like I lost a family member. I really thought he would be my son-in-law. *sigh* She's dated so many jerks, and I thought, "Finally! A nice guy!"

 

[chickenzoo]

Give it time...relationships may mend over time if it's ment to happen.

 

[dewey]

I would trust my child's decision on the split and proceed with only whatever my daughter was comfortable with.

 

[Mtn Laurel]

I've been there. It was a little different situation but the end result was that I felt like I'd lost a son and had no way to find any closure. I moped for weeks.

My daughter had been with a young marine for 3 years. We'd all been with him through training and one tour of Iraq. Letters, packages, emails, worry, etc. We were there with his parents the day he came home from Iraq and when he and my daughter finally embraced, my husband cried so hard he had to walk away. The young man ate dinner at our home at least 5 nights a week. He was with us for all holidays and had his own Christmas stocking. He was family. We fully expected them to marry.

About six months after returning from Iraq, I noticed him acting rather quiet, making excuses for where he was and why he was late. He and my daughter never went out anymore, they just hung out at the house. Having been divorced before, I saw what was coming but my daughter was clueless. I tried to question her - tried to alert her - but she was still blindsided. One day he didn't show up for dinner and the next morning he CALLED HER and broke up with her after 3 years. On the phone! My heart broke for her and my own heart broke.

It ended up being for the best as he was cheating on my daughter. The real blow was when my daughter found out that he'd cheated with her best friend. So, she lost her boyfriend and her best friend - or someone who said they were her best friend - all at the same time.

As mad as I am at him for the way he treated my daughter - as glad as I am that they didn't marry - I'd still love to put my arms around him and give him a hug. Then I think I'd clobber him!

 

[goobhen]

My older brother started dating my friend from church. They dated for about 4 years, got engaged, then they broke up! Their break-up bothered me more than it ever bothered my brother! I felt like I lost both my friend and sister to be! My brother has been divorced twice now, he is single, his former girl friend is on her second marriage. She has been married for over 20 years, she is happy. She is still one of the nicest person I know! I might add, her parents weren't crazy about my brother when they were engaged, her first husband became a drug addict, my brother went to college, got a masters degree. Her parents loved my brother when it was too late!
They all are friends still......

 

[sourland]

Went through a similar situation with both my son and daughter. In both instances the other person broke up with my kids and the grieving affected both them and my wife and me. End result: daughter met another guy and is rapidly approaching her 20th anniversary, son met a sweet girl and they are rapidly approaching their 17th anniversary. Things work out, and the pain of loss will lessen.