Giving Kids "the talk" (Warning - Holiday Spoilers)

[Picky Chicky]

Wow there are a lot of wonderful thoughts you all have given on this. I never realized how many families there were that didn't teach Santa and the like. After typing up my thoughts, and having that coffee I did realize that there are certain religions that also don't celebrate holidays at all... that's a tough one for me, but there are so many different beliefs.

I also want to say how much I think of those of you who insisted to your children not to tell the other children - no such thing as... sadly my cousin's wife wasn't as nice. Without going into an entirely different topic, she's not very considerate of others and encourage her daughter to teach the other children that what they believed in was wrong. I'll never understand why someone would put such a weight on a child's shoulders. Again, that's a different story.

Even though we don't discourage the Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc stories, we do celebrate just a little differently:

Christmas: Santa brings some presents, but not all of them are from Santa. Some are from the Nana's and some are from Mommy and Daddy. And that we don't always get what we ask for, but that we should still be thankful.

Tooth Fairy: Miss Fairy has had to be reprimanded once when she forgot to get DD's tooth from under her pillow ... uh... two nights straight. Oops. DH and I were in the middle of a work crunch and just kept forgetting. Bad Mommy & Daddy!! Bad!!! So DD suggested that we write Miss Fairy's Boss (ever see The Santa Clause with Mother Nature running the show... she was the boss we were writing to) and thank goodness that did the trick - the Tooth Fairy has been prompt ever since.

Halloween: By far this is mine and DH's favorite holiday. We absolutely love dressing up, decorating the house and giving the kids a little run for their money. We do not try and scare the younger kids - we don't want to scar them for life. When DD has returned from her trick or treating we will let her pick out a few of her very favorite pieces of candy. After a thorough inspection, we'll let her have it - doled out, not all at once. And then we let her "trade in" the rest of the candy for a movie or something small and special. A reward for choosing the healthier option.

Easter Bunny: This year we decided (because again, we're not candy fans) to stop the Easter baskets altogether and make the Easter Bunny all about hiding eggs. So we left her very first set of decorated real eggs (vs. the plastic ones) out for EB and then she had a blast finding them the next morning. Later in the day we go to the Nana's house where we have a nice dinner and then force all of my cousins (God bless 'em) to go hide the eggs again so DD can hunt for them. We all really had fun this year.

Anyways, that's what we do. Thanks again all for the well presented opinions and peaceful discussion - it's very interesting!

 

[Fudgie]

Quote:
No not all of us. I never taught the kids that Santa was real. I taught them the Christian meaning (Jesus birth) of Christmas and that Santa was a really fun story to enjoy. We enjoyed all the cartoon specials and sang Heat Miser till we were blue in the face. They got presents from us and were thankful for God blessing us with the means to get them. They also were taught that if we had a smaller Christmas it wasn't because they were bad or God loved them any less. Both kids were told by other kids in kindergarten there was no Santa. It didn't phase my daughter. My son asked me and I told him "have I ever said there was? (he answered no) What is Christmas about? "( his answer Jesus' birthday) Then I reminded him we can still enjoy all the cartoons and stories as long as we remember what it truly is about. And I told him not to spoil it for other kids.

There is always a kid who loves to ruin it for others. Or just learned the truth and has to spread the word. Or wants to verify it with others. It doesn't matter whether they were always taught about Santa or always taught there was no Santa they will talk about it. I wouldn't be upset at the cousins kids for talking about it as it is a normal part of growing up. And yes your kids will talk about it as well when their time comes.

I meant about the Santa part and Easter bunny....I did tell my children the true meanings of Christmas and Easter Santa was an extra on top of those original meanings.


OH YEAH and the "Year without a Santa Claus" is one of my most favorites. Heat miser and Snow Miser are just out there! LOL. What fun!

 

[raroo]

Quote:
I agree, I also felt very lied to when I found out. I was 6 and overheard my mom and aunt talking about the presents they bought us that were supposed to be "from santa". As an adult, when I think back, I don't remember the joy of santa, I remember it as one of my first lessons about deceit. I don't plan on Santa being a part of Christmas if and when I have kids. There's enough fun and excitement about it for kids even without Santa. As a kid I always wondered after that what else my mom and other adults would lie about.

 

[Fudgie]

Quote:
That is exactly what my daughter said.....and you know SHE was right!

 

[agnes_day]

all of my kids except the 3 year old have figured out about santa and the easter bunny and they didnt really care..my 8 year old accidentally saw the easter baskets in the car and he came in laughing and said " mom, are YOU the easter bunny?!" and then he told me that he figured as much when he saw the sign that said you can have your picture taken with the easter bunny at the store. so now he knows that he cant tell anyone that he knows. the way i kept mine from running off at the mouth is that all of them, even the teenagers have to at least pretend they believe in santa or the easter bunny, or no more baskets and santa presents!

my oldest asked me last christmas if santa was going to get him a new video game

 

[Whispering Winds]

This is a hard one; I am a true believer, but the joy and wonder of a child's face on Christmas morning . . . or the look of pure delight over a brimming Easter basket, I don't want to lose that. . .I was a believer in Santa and all of it, and when I found out, I was FINE. Kids are tough as heck, they usually figure it out themselves. Our son was 8 when he asked me if there was a Santa, and I said, "what do you think?" and he said, (and I had the hardest time not falling in the floor dying laughing!) "I always did have a hard time believing that chimney story." We have our adopted 8 year old grandson now, and he is a true believer, and I know when they stop believing that chapter of our lives is over, and we have to shut the door on a very sweet and special time of our lives. Fantasy and imagination is good for us, it helps us get through some bad times and good times both . . .I guess its up to the individual, but I can pretty well guarantee you that when one of our kids are lying on the shrinks couch, its probably not going to be "my mom and dad lied to me about Santa Claus being real." I have a feeling it might be a little more indepth and intense. I also think you can separate fantasy and God, as our little guy knows completely what Christmas and Easter is all about, as we are in church faithfully every Sunday. . .we are too hard on ourselves. Kids aren't going to hold these beliefs againest us, believe me. . . it may give them some of their fondest memories!!

 

[PunkerTechnoRoo?ter]

My Mom still enjoys of the thought of Santa Claus bringing presents, so much so even to this day with her children being 27 (me), 24, 22 she still signs some of our presents as being from Santa.

 

[PotterWatch]

Quote:
We have done the same. Being Jewish, we don't deal with the Santa issue and have instructed our kids that it would be very rude of them to tell their friends there is no Santa. We have told them they need to respect the wishes of every family and that means not blabbing about Santa to kids who believe. The tooth fairy is a different issue. I don't really feel right about saying there is a tooth fairy since it is after all, a lie. It is all in good fun though, so I will go along with it until the kids have outgrown it.

Edited to add: My oldest likes to pretend that when he turns 11, he will get his Hogwarts letter. He wants us all to play along with the idea that he is a wizard in waiting. Similarly, I think my kids know the truth about the Tooth Fairy, but it sure is fun to pretend!

 

[Whispering Winds]

One of my most favorite movie scenes is Uncle Buck, where Buck goes to the school to talk to the mean ole' principal about the little girl. She proceeds to tell Buck that this little girl has no direction in her life, she is SIX years old and a silly heart, blah, blah, blah. Buck tells her the best thing about her being SIX years old is, he's glad she is a silly heart . . . there is a lot more, its a wonderful movie, makes me happy every time I see it, as its so true about teens and little kids just wetting their toothbrushes and not really brushing (another absolutely classic scene with the kids and Uncle Buck . . .) Our kids have to face things most of us never imagined. In my lifetime, the assination of MLK, JFK, and Bobby Kennedy with the Vietnam nightmare was bad enough. Now, we have Iraq, Afghanistan, the Twin Towers . . .sex offenders at every corner, drugs at the other corner, our kids have it a lot harder than we ever did, in MY opinion. I don't think a little make believe is going to make them marred later in life. . .don't think I am stepping on anyone's religious beliefs, just every day simple living. I can't get out my wonderful holiday decorations and ornaments without having a Santa story or two come to mind. . .

 

[Busymama]

I was pretty excited when I found out.. While I LOVED Santa and the others, I had my doubts. I actually felt more like a detective cracking some huge case wide open when I found out the truth. I remember asking my mom if there was a Santa. She gave me a book with the letter "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa" to read. That is a great way to break the news to your kids. It leaves so much open for good feelings.

I am also a Christian, and was raised that way by Christian parents. Jesus was the focus of the holidays, no doubt about that. Santa and the bunny were just those exciting holiday extras. I will do my best to raise my kids with the same spirit my parents raised me with. If my son asks and wants to know the truth, I'll give him the story to read, and I'll make sure he knows it's all for fun and excitement, rather than a spun web of childhood deceit.