My neice/godchild is making me angry

[Mamachic1967]

My mom always felt she had to fix everything because my siblings always ran to her for help, mostly as adults. Now they run to my oldest sibling because my mom has Dementia and her and dad are again.
Unfortunately families get divided and it's sad but sometimes its the only option to remain healthy. Toxic families need to have distance and boundaries and I'm learning to do both.

 

[sourland]

"Friends are the family we make for ourselves."

I too played the 'fixer' for far too long. On the day that we buried our mother I severed the relationship with one of my sisters. She had made life miserable for the family her entire life, and my role was as the mediator. I wish her no wrong, but I feel no loss from eliminating her from my life.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I agree that just telling her it is not a good time is a great course to take if she keeps pushing. You don't need to give her a reason and if she blows up over it, delete her from Facebook. Then if the rest of the family wonders what happened, you can tell them.

 

[Mamachic1967]

This is my plan as well, everyone stays together while my parents are living, then after that I want nothing to do with the ones that bring me nothing but stress and heartbreak, it's not worth it. But to keep the peace and my parents happy, I have to deal with these people for now.

 

[Mamachic1967]

I agree, that sounds good. Thank you.

 

[donrae]

You say your mom has dementia, and I seriously doubt your dad spends his days wondering who is friends with who on Facebook. I say unfriend her now and save yourself years of distress.

 

[Mamachic1967]

Yes my mom has Dementia and my dad knows everything that goes on with us kids. Unfortunately my siblings love to gossip and tell him negative things too. So I can't stir the pot by unfriending her, trust me I would love too, but my dad would be the first one to say "Are you fighting with her?" because she would tell dad or my sister would. I can't upset him with such family drama. She's playing lots of games and I'm simply acting like I can't be bothered. This is taking a lot of strength. I wish at times I could be more direct and assertive, but not in my family, they couldn't handle it without involving my dad and he has enough on his plate for now. Thanks for your message, makes me feel better knowing others out there are willing to help me find ways to cope with dyfinctional family issues.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I think there is a way to block people from seeing your stuff (or at least unfollowing them so you don't see their stuff) while still remaining friends on FB. Perhaps you could look into how to do that and save yourself some headache without causing drama! I know it can be hard when it comes to family. Disconnecting from toxic ones is always easier said than done.

 

[Mamachic1967]

Yes there's an option to unfollow or block that I've considered. But being family she will know that I've done that too. At this poin I don't want to be the one that initiates a family issue. My family is very good at, why are you made at me, what did I do, no there's nothing wrong,... all to avoid stepping up and taking responsibility for themselves and their behaviours. She hasn't said anything to me since the last post of wanting to come and I'm just being casual with her, but I'm sure something will be said soon when she gets bored with fighting with everyone else, she might confront me. I will deal with her as everyone suggested. And if it doesn't go well I will have to block her for sure. She will be the one to force me to cut her from my life.

 

[oldrooster]

Yes my mom has Dementia and my dad knows everything that goes on with us kids. Unfortunately my siblings love to gossip and tell him negative things too. So I can't stir the pot by unfriending her, trust me I would love too, but my dad would be the first one to say "Are you fighting with her?" because she would tell dad or my sister would. I can't upset him with such family drama. She's playing lots of games and I'm simply acting like I can't be bothered. This is taking a lot of strength. I wish at times I could be more direct and assertive, but not in my family, they couldn't handle it without involving my dad and he has enough on his plate for now. Thanks for your message, makes me feel better knowing others out there are willing to help me find ways to cope with dyfinctional family issues.

I;m in a similar situation as you, I'm just waiting for my mom to die to sever almost all connections with her side of the family because most are gossiping back stabbing liars that I will be happy to be rid of forever. they try to run my life and all from 2 to 3 hour drive away via phone or the few times I visit the area they live in. They can't seem to drive here to see my mom whom can't drive due to health problems, and they rarely call us.But somehow they THINK they know what's going on here and how we do and how we should live our lives.
Funny one of my mom's sisters said at my dad's funeral (they where married 26 years and the sister visited us for the first time since their wedding at the funeral all while living 2 hours away) and the sister said she didn't really know my dad, I asked well why didn't you visit us some over the years so you could have she replied that it was too far of a drive with 3 little kids (there kids are older than me and my siblings) and I told her I thought it was odd the roads taking her to our house and back was longer than the roads to take us there and back with 3 little kids(my parents had 3 kids too).....