My neice/godchild is making me angry

[Mamachic1967]

My oldest sister's daughter who is also my godchild is not a nice girl. I felt the stress when I invited her to my home last summer for a holiday and she was rude, moody and ungrateful. This is who she is all the time. I feel it more when I'm on facebook. Her behaviour and attitude towards me is unacceptable. Yet I can't seem to say anything because in my family hostility and anger are repressed and you just get ignored. She's hinting for another vacation to my home and that's the last thing I want. She just turned 30 and she is someone I am not at all interested in having in my life. She hurts my feelings, insults me (on purpose? I'm not sure) If I remove her from facebook it will start a complete dramatic family issue. She is difficult to ignore. What do I do?

 

[LRH97]

Sounds like a touchy situation. I actually have a cousin very similar to the way you described your godchild. She is no longer welcome in our home. (called my mom a b***h) Ungrateful, rude, obnoxious, and plain mean. My mom and dad's families are complete opposites. My mom's family is passive, they vent and such, but avoid confrontation. My dad's side speak their mind whenever they feel like it (the "don't mess with me" type). Obviously, I'm not a member of your family so I'm not going to say chew her out or disown her etc. but I will say this: you have every right to not allow someone to come to your home. You don't even need a reason. If she asks to come and you don't want her to, just say no. If she asks why, just say it's a bad time and leave it at that. And there is positively no reason for you to put up with such disrespect in your own home. Oh, and if deleting her on Facebook or telling her she can't come to your house will upset other family members, so be it. They'll get over it. And if they/she ask why you did, tell 'em like it is: you're tired of dealing with her rude BS. You shouldn't have to deal with such nonsense. I'd rather have some people mad at me than deal with feeling bad all the time because of someone else's hurtful sayings or insults.

 

[CascadiaRiver]

Tell her no. Its hard to do but its the best answer.

 

[donrae]

That's why I don't do Facebook as a rule. I'd say simply delete your account then in a month or so, if you really need it, start another account but be much more selective about who you friend. Anyone who is going to give you crap about cutting out hurtful people isn't invited to be a part of your life. Really, there's a whole world beyond FB. This woman's 30 years old, for Heaven's sake. By then you either learn to be nice for folks or no one wants to play with you.

 

[drumstick diva]

30 years old and still a spoiled brat - I think there is no hope for her. I don't care if she is a godchild, no one knew she'd be an evil spawn back then. She is plenty old enough to take care of herself without godparents. You served your punishment putting up with her in the past. My mom was very passive and would seemingly put up with all sorts of bad behavior from relatives, friends(?) etc. but then would rant endlessly to US about it.

IT IS JUST NOT A GOOD TIME TO HAVE HER, SORRY !!!! Maybe she runs out of others she can perplex and it's your time again. NO SIRREE BOB! I had to get many decades on me to finally stand up and say NO!!!!! If she were here I would probably react by treating her like she treats you. Maybe it will get into her thick skull and she will repent. Don't hold your breath.

 

[Mamachic1967]

Thank you. I enjoyed reading your message. It is a touchy situation, as most are in my family. I agree with you. I'm bad for taking on the hurt and uncomfortableness to make others happy. But she makes me feel like I'm being scolded by her behaviour. She comes from a broken home and has an irresponsible, childish husband. Which is no excuse of course. She seems to fit in well in the family of nuts that are called my family, if that makes sense. I really like your idea to say No, its not a good time. I like that. No reasons, just short and sweet. I will use that whenever the time comes. She's pussy-footing around the topic, looking for an invite, which she will never get, So when she does ask I'll be ready. Thank you, you put this issue at ease for me.

It's funny how families go. I've lived away from my family since I got married 29 years ago. If I had stayed I would have been on lots of medication by now. Healthier not being around them or bad behaviours.

 

[Mamachic1967]

She is definitely a spoiled brat that's for sure, so many little stunts she's pulled with me. She's a grown woman with 2 small children and is married. She needs to grow up. I think she knows I won't have her come to stay and she's playing this game of confronting me in a roundabout way, but I respond like she's askig something else It's the only way to relate to her. She loves a fight and she won't get one from me. I love doing crafts and posted this neat quilt made from tshirts. She actually responded to that 1 and only post "You could make 1 for my son". Not "Coud you make one for my son." She is selfish and narcissistic. My entire family has issues and I think I'm the only sane one!!! I have to tread lightly but definitely saying about her visiting - "It's not a good time" works and hope that does get through her head and it ends there forever.

 

[enola]

You have to do what is best for YOUR sanity. I agree with previous posters, it took me decades to learn to stand up for my thoughts and feelings.

I have a sister who has done some things that I will probably never be able to forgive her for. I am courteous to her at my Mother's house during the holidays, I have no intention of ever allowing her in my home. It took me years, but, now I have no problem ignoring her hints for a visit. And if she ever gets around to inviting herself, she will not get past the front door. The rest of the family has learned to deal with our problem after I told them that our problem is not a problem for them to try to settle for us.

 

[LRH97]

Thank you. I enjoyed reading your message. It is a touchy situation, as most are in my family. I agree with you. I'm bad for taking on the hurt and uncomfortableness to make others happy. But she makes me feel like I'm being scolded by her behaviour. She comes from a broken home and has an irresponsible, childish husband. Which is no excuse of course. She seems to fit in well in the family of nuts that are called my family, if that makes sense. I really like your idea to say No, its not a good time. I like that. No reasons, just short and sweet. I will use that whenever the time comes. She's pussy-footing around the topic, looking for an invite, which she will never get, So when she does ask I'll be ready. Thank you, you put this issue at ease for me.

It's funny how families go. I've lived away from my family since I got married 29 years ago. If I had stayed I would have been on lots of medication by now. Healthier not being around them or bad behaviours.

The more you describe your situation, the more and more similar it sounds to mine. The cousin I mentioned would only come around when she wanted money or something else. We tried to help, but enough was enough. We finally said no more. Does she come around anymore? Nope. But I'm absolutely fine with that. Make this your goal: surround yourself with people who love you, who care about your feelings, who respect what you stand for and believe in. Not with people who only want from you. I know it's hard, but I think you'll really be happier in the end. Hang in there.

 

[Mamachic1967]

You described her perfectly! Agree with you too about surrounding myself with people that love me and care about me. That's why I don't go 'home' much anymore. Now to find new people, new friends. Thank you! for your support and kindness! Sure came at a great time, family drama trying to real me in tonight and your post just confirmed your statement. Thanks again.