Stay At Home Mom Blues...

[BarkerChickens]

I agree that it sounds like depression. Since you don't have the insurance to go to the doctor, try getting Sam-E from your local health store or GNC. DH has gotten mild depression that sounds just like what you describe, but getting him to a Dr for it was like I suggested pulling his teeth with a pair of pliers. He'd stay home from work for 3-4 days straight , stay in bed and cry (with the occasional snapping at me for no reason). It was hard on both of us. We heard about Sam-E from a family member with the same issues and thought we'd give it a try. Oh my gosh! We both noticed a HUGE difference! It doesn't hurt to take a daily Vitamin with vitamin B and D in it too, just to give yourself a boost.

I wish you the best of luck!!

 

[mandelyn]

You're relying on your man for your happiness and things just don't work that way. You work all day taking care of the house and kids, and are lucky to get even a "thank you" once a week, if that.

Looking back (I was married at 18, now 27 and still married... by the grace of god... LOL... didn't look too good for awhile there) anything that changed in my surroundings or with the people I kept company with, husband included, it either helped or made me feel like crap.

I realized... about 4 years ago, I was allowing my husband to dictate my moods, based on how many compliments he gave me, how many thank-yous, how much attention he gave me, and if he himself was in a good mood or not. If I scrubbed the whole house top to bottom, and then cooked, and had everything ready for evening... and he didn't say anything about it... I'd get hurt, then get depressed, then wouldn't do it, until he tried to do it, which caused fights, which caused me to feel worse, and then him worse, and then worse again for me because of him... until I had gained 20 pounds and all we did was fight. Then he went to Iraq, and I re-adjusted myself, got a haircut, lost some weight, started drinking. Then got all upset again, because of the drinking and lack of phone calls because of what he was doing in Iraq.

So the cycle repeated until I kicked myself in the ass. You have to start doing things on your own, as an independant. If you have an extra $20, go buy some paint. It's not up to your husband. Don't rely on him to make you happy.

Maybe you need a vacation, or a day to yourself to start. Something you want to do.

I don't have my own vehicle right now, which blows. Really knocks the independant thing for a loop. BUT... I insist that I have time with the car to do what I want. I make room for myself, about every 3 days. It's the only thing that keeps me sane and chipper.

It's why I have chickens. I wanted them. No one else. Husband said "whatever" (course he knows by now that No doesn't mean much to me unless it's something important). Dad didn't want them, and I'm staying with him for right now while we wait and see what the Army has husband do next. But... everyone knew that chickens would make me happy.

And I only cook, clean, and keep things together when I'm happy. I feel much better now that I've learned the value of taking care of myself, and then everyone else.

I'll feel even better when I have my own vehicle again and I can hop in the car and go where ever, when ever.

But first you have to drag yourself out of the rut. First if you have to decide, I WILL wake up before 9am, I WILL do the dishes, I WILL do this, today. I WILL go for a walk, I WILL play with the kids, I WILL dye my hair, and I WILL paint the kitchen pink. Serves the husband right to come home to a pink kitchen, he had his chance for some opinion and say so, and he opted out.

Communication is a big thing too. You have to tell your husband you fell like poo, and you have to tell him why, and you have to tell him how he can help so things can return to normal. Tearful "I don't knows" that lead to a heated argument are not conversation. Both of you have to speak sanely, listen, and respect each other. usually hard for the man to listen, usually hard for the woman to stay sane and see it through with an even tone of voice.

But you need some fun, that's for sure. You need a night out, a new haircut, a reason to get up in the morning. And you need to have a heart to heart with the husband to get things set straight.

Keeping to yourself and keeping your feelings to yourself is just going to make this rut even deeper. Get a tow chain, haul yourself out. Start tomorrow better. Get through tomorrow. Who cares about the next day, or next week. One day at a time, until you have a reason to laugh, a lot. Helps to look for humor too.

You can't just think yourself happy. You have to put your wants into action, as action and DOING something is the only way out. Call it a pre-midlife crisis if you want, in case the new hair color doesn't turn out so great. Then you have a reason for the insane red hair. Or whatever. Think on it, then do something. No pills, no doctor, do something with yourself. This world is over medicated as it is, and a good number of depression cases are people who just don't DO anything, and take a pill instead.

Everyone gets depressed at one time or another. The ones who are happy again, are the ones who jumped out of bed one day and made a change. Then two changes. Then 3. And so on and so forth.

Sitting around complaining to other people isn't going to do much. Asking for advice you won't take... you'll still be in a rut. So just DO something, that YOU want to do. Then worry about everything else.

I'm all for the pink kitchen idea. Seriously, you'd get half done, about 3 hours before husband comes home... and you'll be like 'My god, what I have I done."... and then you'll start laughing, hysterically, and then you'll feel much better, after maybe one more cry time, when husband comes home, sees the half pink kitchen, and you can then explain yourself to him and tell him the importance he missed in the paint aisle the other day.

And that'll be one day towards progress, a lot more than you have going on now.

 

[JessHall]

I didn't mention this earlier, but everyone is probably right about the depression. People said that to me, and in a way, it felt like I didn't want to admit to that because it made me feel like my feelings weren't valid. Does that make sense? Anyway, I thought that I'd duplicate the diagnosis.
I'd take the advice of those recommending over the counter herbal supplements... Try St John's Wort. A doctor recommended that to me

 

[wombat]

It sounds like you are depressed.

It can be difficult making the adjustment to raising children being the center of your existance. Sometimes it seems like every day is the same, and tomorrow is going to be the same too. When you get like that, you no longer have goals, and so you no longer have accomplishments. That would get anyone down.

Take on the immediate things first. You used to take pride in a clean house, and in cooking meals. Get back to some of that.

Get outside while the weather is still nice. Clean up the yard. Pick one section at a time, and to it really well. Weed out that garden, rake out the old leaves, trim the grass, and have that one area looking good. You'll have something done at the end of the day. When you get tired of the outside work, get back to cleaning the house up. Clean one room really well. Leave the rest of the rooms for other days.

Find a new recipe. Make dinner from scratch again.

Did you ever work out the wood splitting thing with your husband? It sounds like you liked doing that for some extra cash.

Get involved in something for your kids. Does your library have pre-school programs? Take the kids. Does your county have inexpensive pre-school activities?

Not all hobbies have to cost a lot. I like to brew my own beer, and while the materials cost a bit, they cost less than buying beer. I also bake bread, because my daughter has loved to do this with me since she was about 3 years old. She could tell you all about yeast, how it makes the bread rise, and all that before she started kindergarten. I'd always make sure that I had more dough than I needed for the loaves, and the kids got to roll out soft pretzels, and we'd bake these last. They've been begging all summer to bake bread again ... I usually only do that fall through spring. You have to spend money on food anyway, and baking bread or cookies won't set you back any more money than buying the same, more or less.

Sounds like part of this might be that you're not feeling any sense of self worth. Get good at something, there's so much out there to choose from. Small steps are a good start ... if you get good at baking bread, for instance, and the kids are involved too, even if it's just "helping" with kneeding dough and rolling out pretzels with the leftovers, you'll probably find a bit of happiness. Find more things, find more happy.

Sometimes we need some tough times to make us evaluate what we want out of life. Often the best changes in your life come out of darker times. Be strong, things can be better if you want them to be.

 

[that_crazy_lady]

I sent you a pm, but something I missed was house hold cores, if I putt in 3 hours every other day and cook for real 4 out of 7 days a week I tell my self I did a good job no matter what anyone else says.

and DANCE, I belly dance. never been to a class just watch and read a little, makes me feel so good!

oh yah I jam out when I clean, shake it sing and sweep, or head bang as a scrub, whar ever it takes

edited to say
don't forget the quiet time. I like to swing or brush out a horse, some ladys go for a long bath, or a nice walk

 

[debilorrah]

Sarah you have a PM.....

 

[Dragonfly Ranch]

SarahFair - I work for a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and I ran your symptoms pass her. She was of the option based on what you were saying that is most likely depression and said to tell you that there a many good antidepressants that can be taken a for short period of time. Taking them will help you see the light at the end of tunnel so you can pull yourself together and go on to help yourself heal naturally. Her example about taking them was if you were a diabetic and needed to take something you would and this situation is really no different. Depression is physical/chemical thing and something is out of balance that needs to be re-balanced and most likely by taking medication. Again, a doctor can be the best place to start.

rustyswoman is right about working with a doctors office. We have cases here where the therapist sees the real need and they do not turn their backs on the client but help. Their goal is to help people get better not always make the all mighty buck. So do take and find a caring doctor.

Keep in touch with us

Sandee

 

[raroo]

Definitely sounds like depression! I get rounds of it myself in a very similar way. One week I'm the happy wife who loves keeping the house tidy and exercises regularly... next week I suddenly can't bring myself to care about anything. Sometimes it lasts a long time and then some new situation will snap me out of it.

I think losing touch with your friends is maybe what triggered it. I don't have any myself and rely completely on my husband for friendship and companionship. Luckily he doesn't have any friends either so he depends on me just as much as I depend on him. We are both rather anti-social in the same ways. Friendships for us are difficult and quite frankly we just don't like people all that much. Even so, this has often been a source for me feeling bad. I don't like the feeling of being so dependent on one person, there's no security in it. An anti-social person feeling lonely is a nice vicious circle that's impossible to get out of, LOL!

Anyway what I'm trying to say is that knowing that you depend solely on one person can make you feel vulnerable and lonely. Knowing that you've lost your social network will make you feel alone and bored. There's nothing going on except housework and kids, so you get in a rut and feel crappy in general about everything. Its a surefire route towards depression.

I wish I had some actual advice to give. I don't think anti-depressants are the solution though. It sounds like you might need something to get you out of your rut. That is much easier said than done however. Are you a very social person? If you are than joining some sort of club or class would probably help. You'd meet new people and have something on your mind other than housework and kids.

 

[SarahFair]

Thank you Thank you everyone who has replied!

Ill get back to yall tomorrow

 

[boaz]

A lot of good advice and support. Our spiritual well being directly affects the physical and emotional. One thought that comes to mind is your prayer to the Lord; sometimes sincere prayer can bring about a sense of dissatisfaction with the present and a longing for a different relationship with the Lord. If that is anywhere close, reading the Bible can bring comfort and intimacy that a full load of Prozac will not equal.