The Dave Leghorn Story~ A Murder Mystery of Epically Punny Proportions

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Rancid Crabtree, bartender at The Coop, has been questioned about the night Dave Leghorn was killed. Crabtree was surly and reluctant to answer any question from Hicks Co. officers, stating, "I don't know nuffin' about no Leggerns...we stopped feudin' with the Leggerns back when m' pappy killed off their pappy in 1993. Chopped off his head, he did. Heh, heh." Officers feel Crabtree may know more than he's telling in light of this violent history with the Leghorn clan. When questioned further, he became tight-lipped about the subject. Officers will be keeping him under surveillance.




In this ever growing sting operation conducted by the Redbone boys, a nationally known criminal was flushed out of a fermented feed operation just hours ago. Facial recognition software matched this individual to the infamous Carlos "El Pollo" Santana, AKA The Night Fox, who is a big dog in the South American BluKote cartel. He is wanted on four continents for drug and chick trafficking, along with several murders, not to mention the Italian Job, a heist of such magnitude that it is still being investigated ten years later. The items stolen include several Faberge eggs, the goose that laid golden eggs, and a truck load of penne pasta. He is being held under maximum security, pending extradition to Italy where he will be prosecuted for his various crimes. He will be represented by his long time attorney, Bug E. Terzz, a cold-blooded individual known to use underrock ways to frighten witnesses, such as breaking off his own tail and smiling as he does it, suggesting that he feels no pain but is more than ready to inflict it. ~United Press Release

 
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While officials searched the residence of Norm Masque, Mrs Bagawk-bagawk was spotted fleeing the premise. Mrs Bagawk-bagawk is wanted for questioning by authorities for a possible connection to the Dave Leghorn murder. She has evaded authorities in the past. An official who wished to remain anonnymous stated they are beginning to think Dave Leghorn was a small part of a bigger plan involving a Thai Chicken mafia and the school lunches. Officials request that citizens do not attempt to approach Mrs Bagawk-bagawk and only call 911 if she is spotted.

(pictured: Alleged cellphone picture of Mrs Bagawk-bagawk as she evades officials)
 
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NORTH KOREA MAY HAVE TIES TO THE DAVE LEGHORN CASE

Officials have made a statement today that stunned followers of the Dave Leghorn case all over the globe.


Kim in a 2009 interview

It is suspected that Kim Dae-chu, an important figure in North Korean politics and permanent holder of the title "Supreme Supervisor of the Coop", ordered the death of Dave Leghorn after he publicly insulted his regime by using foreign mercenaries, including Tom Wyterock, to take him and his supporters out.

Revealed in a telephone conversation between Kim and his country's leader, Kim Jong-un, Kim said "all of our government's opponents must be toppled - and that includes those at the Coop level".

Kim has yet to respond to the media.
 
More details are coming out about today's fermented feed lab bust, with pictures of some of the items discovered there. WARNING: Graphic photos that may not be suitable for children! Among the items discovered was homemade fermented feed devices, materials for the manufacturing of Blu-Kote, and some grisly remains thought to be the missing giblets the Hick Co. PD has been hoping to find in relation to the smuggled chicken parts reported just yesterday.


Blu-Kote paraphernalia and homemade fermented feed were among the items confiscated, as well as the grisly remains of chickens past~the giblets.

Among those arrested in this drug bust was Precious Gollum, a repeat offender well known to the police in this area and in the Misty Mountain region, where he murdered a friend and stole his gold ring, keeping it for many years before losing it in a cave. The missing ring was recovered by Mr. Bilbo Baggins and was returned to the place of origin by his nephew, Frodo Baggins. Gollum was also wanted in the attempted murder of Frodo and will be charged with that in conjunction with the drug charges.


"Precious" Gollum, arrested at last night's fermented feed lab raid. These unidentified chicks were apprehended in the raid on The Coop.

In related news, The Coop was raided last night also for suspicion of serving fermented feed, known on the street as FF, to underage chicks. In the photo above, some unidentified chicks were apprehended and held by police pending notification of their hens and may be charged as minors in the incident. Ms. Lilly Gleetbottom, a part owner of The Coop, could not be contacted for questioning on the incident but police are trying to track her down. One of her employees, Nevah DoRite, a dancer at the club, stated she has not seen Ms. Gleetbottom since Frankie Silkpantees was arrested and arraigned for his part in the planned murder of Dave Leghorn. Charges are pending on those working the bar the night of the raid and for those minors found at the scene. Among those adults arrested were Snid Tookums and Turk E. Butterball, two bartenders at the club. More updates will follow as we receive more information. ~United Press
 
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Beekissed said:
More details are coming out about today's fermented feed lab bust, with pictures of some of the items discovered there. WARNING: Graphic photos that may not be suitable for children! Among the items discovered was homemade fermented feed devices, materials for the manufacturing of Blu-Kote, and some grisly remains thought to be the missing giblets the Hick Co. PD has been hoping to find in relation to the smuggled chicken parts reported just yesterday.


Blu-Kote paraphernalia and homemade fermented feed were among the items confiscated, as well as the grisly remains of chickens past~the giblets.

Among those arrested in this drug bust was Precious Gollum, a repeat offender well known to the police in this area and in the Misty Mountain region, where he murdered a friend and stole his gold ring, keeping it for many years before losing it in a cave. The missing ring was recovered by Mr. Bilbo Baggins and was returned to the place of origin by his nephew, Frodo Baggins. Gollum was also wanted in the attempted murder of Frodo and will be charged with that in conjunction with the drug charges.


"Precious" Gollum, arrested at last night's fermented feed lab raid. These unidentified chicks were apprehended in the raid on The Coop.

In related news, The Coop was raided last night also for suspicion of serving fermented feed, known on the street as FF, to underage chicks. In the photo above, some unidentified chicks were apprehended and held by police pending notification of their hens and may be charged as minors in the incident. Ms. Lilly Gleetbottom, a part owner of The Coop, could not be contacted for questioning on the incident but police are trying to track her down. One of her employees, Nevah DoRite, a dancer at the club, stated she has not seen Ms. Gleetbottom since Frankie Silkpantees was arrested and arraigned for his part in the planned murder of Dave Leghorn. Charges are pending on those working the bar the night of the raid and for those minors found at the scene. Among those adults arrested were Snid Tookums and Turk E. Butterball, two bartenders at the club. More updates will follow as we receive more information. ~United Press
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Haha! You added Gollum to the story.
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A hen who was out to catch a mouse reports that she has spotted Mrs. Bagawk-bagawk running for the other side of the road. She immediately called 911 but by the time the officers arrived to the other side of the road, she was already gone. . . . But was the hen really Mrs.Bagawk-bagawk? Stay tunes for more reports on this wide spreading news.

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An image of Mrs. Bagawk-bagawk making way away fro the forest where she appeared and to the road. Is she really Mrs. Bagawk-bagawk or an accomplice of hers?
 
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News of these tragic events has reached Bowie. In a press release this evening, Bowie states: "When I heard about these tragic deaths, my heart fell to my toes. I would like to donate my time and considerable talent, and perform a Benefit Concert. While I realize that no amount of money can replace a chicken, I will give 100% of the proceeds raised from my concert to the families of the victims. I will also make myself available to sign autographs after the show."
Bowie then excused himself, stating that he needed to go start drinking tea with honey to get his voice ready.


(pic of Bowie with groupie photobomb)
 
Jury selection is ongoing in the trial of Tom Wyterock and Roy A. Cuff, for the murder of Dave Leghorn. The district attorney and counsel for the defense have chosen several potential jurors, while others were disqualified for expressing prejudice in the proceedings. A Mrs. Consuelo Maria Guadalupe Rodriguez was disqualified for her answer to the question about if she could remain impartial in deciding on a verdict for a bird accused of murdering a friend and selling his chicks into the fast food industry. Her answer was reflective of many attitudes in the community after the rash of crimes committed of late and Rick Highpockets, attorney for the defense, has stated an intention to file for a change of venue in the interest of a fair trial and justice being provided for the accused. ~United Press



Mrs. Rodriguez: "FRY HEEM!!!"
 
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