The NFC B-Day Chat Thread

[Blooie]

But, my dear, my point was that there's no reason you should have to "learn the hard way." That still puts the onus on them and none on you. Just start. Start somewhere. Start on your own. No need to make a big production of it or start off with something hard. Pick one thing - spending on animals, controlling your temper, learning the banking system, just something - and begin your personal lesson in accountability and self-discipline there. Just that one little change. They don't even have to know you're doing it - it's all about you learning to make sensible change in small ways totally on your own. You can do this, but it sounds like at this time you don't want to. After you master that, move on. Smaller steps are far less intimidating than giant ones. The rewards take longer, but consider them as building blocks. We all started somewhere.

 

[bruceha2000]

I don't think my parent's would let me go homeless though but maybe that's the issue.

Yep. Entitlement, expectation of forever support. Mom and dad have always taken care of me, it is their "job".

You have some money, seems like a lot to you. But spend an hour to work out a monthly budget including rent and utilities (assume at least 1 roommate to share expenses). Add food, car insurance, registration, gas, renter's insurance, pet expenses ....... I think you will be amazed at what it costs to live even if you choose a less expensive area than where you live now. Then figure your car won't last forever so you want to add car "payments" into your budget even if that means saving that much each month so you don't have a big "must pay" car payment when you do need to replace it. Then figure financial planners figure you should have at least 3 months, 6 is better, of monthly expenses saved in case of a job loss or other emergency.

I'm not picking on you, you just happen to be voicing what is not uncommon and doing it in a forum mostly full of old fogies who flew the nest decades ago and have seen their own children grow up. My kids aren't a whole lot different than you. I'm sure DD2 would find a job if she had to pay for everything. Maybe not her ideal job, but something. Yes we are enablers. But she had her ear operation last Tuesday and soon will have no excuse excuse for not finding something. She doesn't spend much money, tight fisted that one ... which isn't a bad thing. She talks about wanting to move out on her own but there isn't any pressure to do so.

Work on that self control, you REALLY don't want to learn "the hard way" by being tossed out of the nest and told to fly. That works for the barn swallows but their lives are a bit less complicated. Find food, eat food, find a place to sleep each night, try not to get eaten.

 

[DigMyChicks]

But, my dear, my point was that there's no reason you should have to "learn the hard way." That still puts the onus on them and none on you. Just start. Start somewhere. Start on your own. No need to make a big production of it or start off with something hard. Pick one thing - spending on animals, controlling your temper, learning the banking system, just something - and begin your personal lesson in accountability and self-discipline there. Just that one little change. They don't even have to know you're doing it - it's all about you learning to make sensible change in small ways totally on your own. You can do this, but it sounds like at this time you don't want to. After you master that, move on. Smaller steps are far less intimidating than giant ones. The rewards take longer, but consider them as building blocks. We all started somewhere.

Yep. Entitlement, expectation of forever support. Mom and dad have always taken care of me, it is their "job".

You have some money, seems like a lot to you. But spend an hour to work out a monthly budget including rent and utilities (assume at least 1 roommate to share expenses). Add food, car insurance, registration, gas, renter's insurance, pet expenses ....... I think you will be amazed at what it costs to live even if you choose a less expensive area than where you live now. Then figure your car won't last forever so you want to add car "payments" into your budget even if that means saving that much each month so you don't have a big "must pay" car payment when you do need to replace it. Then figure financial planners figure you should have at least 3 months, 6 is better, of monthly expenses saved in case of a job loss or other emergency.

I'm not picking on you, you just happen to be voicing what is not uncommon and doing it in a forum mostly full of old fogies who flew the nest decades ago and have seen their own children grow up. My kids aren't a whole lot different than you. I'm sure DD2 would find a job if she had to pay for everything. Maybe not her ideal job, but something. Yes we are enablers. But she had her ear operation last Tuesday and soon will have no excuse excuse for not finding something. She doesn't spend much money, tight fisted that one ... which isn't a bad thing. She talks about wanting to move out on her own but there isn't any pressure to do so.

Work on that self control, you REALLY don't want to learn "the hard way" by being tossed out of the nest and told to fly. That works for the barn swallows but their lives are a bit less complicated. Find food, eat food, find a place to sleep each night, try not to get eaten.

FABULOUS ADVICE!!

 

[DigMyChicks]

Honeys....we're ho-ome!! Had an amazing time, but always happy to head back west! I'll catch up as I can!

Missed you Blooie!!

 

[N F C]

Missed you Blooie!!

x2!

 

[DigMyChicks]

The guys started taking down this dead tree. It’s about 3 times as high as what you see. It’ll probably take all summer to get it accomplished as not everyone is home at the same time and hubby wants all of us there when he really gets going on it.

 

[N F C]

The guys started taking down this dead tree. It’s about 3 times as high as what you see. It’ll probably take all summer to get it accomplished as not everyone is home at the same time and hubby wants all of us there when he really gets going on it.
View attachment 1435264

Whoa,that's a big one! Hope every one is careful and the house is still standing when all is done.

 

[DigMyChicks]

Whoa,that's a big one! Hope every one is careful and the house is still standing when all is done.

I hope so too...Scary business!! I told him to call my brother as he has dropped many big trees. I hope he will!

 

[bruceha2000]

Do you have a direction it can drop and not take out other trees? That sucker looks like a good one for a tree service. They can take the top parts off with cranes.

 

[ShrekDawg]

But, my dear, my point was that there's no reason you should have to "learn the hard way." That still puts the onus on them and none on you. Just start. Start somewhere. Start on your own. No need to make a big production of it or start off with something hard. Pick one thing - spending on animals, controlling your temper, learning the banking system, just something - and begin your personal lesson in accountability and self-discipline there. Just that one little change. They don't even have to know you're doing it - it's all about you learning to make sensible change in small ways totally on your own. You can do this, but it sounds like at this time you don't want to. After you master that, move on. Smaller steps are far less intimidating than giant ones. The rewards take longer, but consider them as building blocks. We all started somewhere.

Yep. Entitlement, expectation of forever support. Mom and dad have always taken care of me, it is their "job".

You have some money, seems like a lot to you. But spend an hour to work out a monthly budget including rent and utilities (assume at least 1 roommate to share expenses). Add food, car insurance, registration, gas, renter's insurance, pet expenses ....... I think you will be amazed at what it costs to live even if you choose a less expensive area than where you live now. Then figure your car won't last forever so you want to add car "payments" into your budget even if that means saving that much each month so you don't have a big "must pay" car payment when you do need to replace it. Then figure financial planners figure you should have at least 3 months, 6 is better, of monthly expenses saved in case of a job loss or other emergency.

I'm not picking on you, you just happen to be voicing what is not uncommon and doing it in a forum mostly full of old fogies who flew the nest decades ago and have seen their own children grow up. My kids aren't a whole lot different than you. I'm sure DD2 would find a job if she had to pay for everything. Maybe not her ideal job, but something. Yes we are enablers. But she had her ear operation last Tuesday and soon will have no excuse excuse for not finding something. She doesn't spend much money, tight fisted that one ... which isn't a bad thing. She talks about wanting to move out on her own but there isn't any pressure to do so.

Work on that self control, you REALLY don't want to learn "the hard way" by being tossed out of the nest and told to fly. That works for the barn swallows but their lives are a bit less complicated. Find food, eat food, find a place to sleep each night, try not to get eaten.

FABULOUS ADVICE!!

Agreed! Thank you both. It's really helpful and I know you guys weren't picking in me or anything.

Actually, I think this one went the best and I appreciated it because the advice is really useful.

I never thought of working on one thing at a time. I was thinking that I had to and/or thinking you guys were suggesting to just dive right in with both feet and do everything all at once. Like automatically spend zero and completely stop doing anything fun. Which was obviously really overwhelming. And part of why I was so resistant.

Starting with one thing is much much easier.

And also, oddly, I normally don't spend hardly anything but lately I've been on a bit of a spending kick. It comes and goes. It's weird. And some things I justify by saying I need them. And some I do. Like I buy a lot of pet stuff or recently bought ear plugs but I think maybe my issue is the impulsivity of it? Like I think of something I want or need and order it immediately. Which is partly a side effect of Amazon having everything readily available and the whole instant gratification thing but I think maybe what I need to do is plan ahead and/or order everything all at once? Like okay, they're gonna need this and wait to get it instead of having a million orders when I want. Or possibly wait like a week and see if I still want or need it at the end of the week? I'm thinking most I probably won't need but it may curb the impulsive aspect of it. I need to tame that. Impulsivity, not just with money, is dangerous.

I'm very inpatient.

I'm thinking I'm going to open a bank account and just start depositing money in it and not touching it. That way even if I stay here a while longer I can start saving and faster cause there's usually interest?

And I think I just learned lesson 101 in responsibility with regards to cooking and not leaving pans unattended lol