You don't pay me enough to be your "work wife"

[RHRanch]

Quote:
I wish I could. But this is a HUGE family run business. Daddy won't fault his son for anything because then he would have to come back up here and supervise. And he can do no wrong. It's a private, family run business with many offices all over the state. There's nothing I can do.
I've even tried talking to my boss, but he interrupts me and won't allow me to talk.

I'm supposed to be the adorable robot who does everything right (which I usually do) and let anyone walk all over me while continuing to sit here and look cute.

He loves me in the summer (ya know, when I'm wearing less layers). But come winter, he gets stressed and takes it ALL out on me.
I'm not saying he's ever put moves on me but he will comment if I'm wearing shorts or have my hair curled (he loves my hair).
I sometimes think he originally hired me because of my looks.

@RHRanch, I've wanted to do that so many times! Unfortunately, I can't leave until I have a back up.

I've been here for 3 years. I don't get paid what I should. I don't always have enough work to keep me at a 40 hour week. I can't afford to leave on a principle until I line something else up first.

If this is really how it is, set a goal for finding a new job, and place a time limit on it, to motivate yourself. Too often we stay in bad situations way too long because it seems like we don't have options. You do have options, find something else, you will be happier even if its doing something totally different or is only a temporary or stepping stone job.

 

[Marcymom3]

How sad that there are still people like that in the workforce. Unfortunately, the economic times may seem to empower them, especially if you can be let go on a whim. Good jobs are hard to find right now.

My mom, God rest her soul, used to say that the woman (whether the wife or the secretary or whatever) sets the tone for the relationship. If you continue to do your best and also behave in a professional way that does not encourage him to treat you this way, he should stop. If he doesn't others will see that and support you. If he flirts and teases and you don't show him that it is unacceptable, you can expect him to continue to do it. Years ago, as a young woman, I "inherited" a boss who had a terrible reputation in the department. When I found out I went home upset and worried. My father told me to act like a lady and not tolerate any inappropriate behavior. He said if the boss didn't act right, I was to put on my coat, get my purse, and tell him I was going home, and that he could call me when he was ready to apologize and behave himself. I guess my "act" worked because I never had to do what my dad said.

I am so blessed to be appreciated and my talents valued. Although I have been in the same school for the past 22 years, this has not always been the case. Everyone has a different leadership style, but when you feel bullied and unappreciated it is definitely time to look for another job. When you go, you should have a carefully worded conversation with your boss explaining why you made the choice. It is possible that he doesn't even realize he's being that way. (well, probably not, but you'll feel better.)

 

[heritagebirds]

It is a shame when you are not appreciated at your job, but there is no cause for being degraded. An employer should truly appreciate their employees, for they are the ones that get the work done. If there are some on staff that do not pull their weight, let them go and bring in new people that are ready to work. Do not let the poor work behaviors of some employees affect your attitude towards the hard-working employees.

That being said, if the environment is to that point, it is unlikely that you will be able to change it. I've found in cases where I have not felt appreciated, that leaving was the best option. I hope that you can find something better very soon!

 

[TinyChickenLady]

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This is how I started acting toward him. I will be honest and say that I like to laugh. I joke and get along with everyone. I am a dork, in a nutshell.
In the past, when he would compliment me, I would say "Thank you." When he would joke around, I would laugh and joke back.
Recently, since it's all been getting worse (especially the verbal abuse), I have started just acting professional and ladylike. I don't laugh and joke. I don't do anything with my hair and makeup other than just keeping it tidy. I'm trying to do everything to keep him off my back. This week, FINALLY, I think it's starting to work.

I'm still going to look for a new job though. I can't work for someone who (I personally think) has an untreated bipolar disorder. The swinging mood swings are stressing me out.

I am a small person. I have to eat all the time. I can't skip meals. I lose weight very easily. That might be a dream for some folks but I'm only 5 feet tall and at best, 94 pounds. He stresses me to the point that I haven't had lunch during a work week for too long. Today is the first day in weeks that I've been able to eat lunch. His hate and words just make me lose my appetite.

 

[itsy]

I'd do my best to find another position in another office. No one deserves to be treated that way.

I'm proud of the fact that I've done well in my business life. I'm not a shy person and I don't take a lot of crap, so it was easy for me to stand up with the boys, but I also tried to look the part I was acting. I realized early on that in order to be taken seriously and move up the ladder, that I would have to carry myself a bit differently than the other women did. And it worked well for me. Would I wear skirts? Sure, but I paid attention to what kind of impression my appearance gave.

By no means am I agreeing with your mother that you're "bringing it on yourself," but I wouldn't have worn shorts to the office, even if it were a casual situation. I've been to national business meetings where the entire week was dress down, but I still never let my peers or employees see me the same way I would dress around my friends. Do I wear makeup and do my hair? Yup. But if one of the guys got out of line, like one time when one of my peers decided it was a good idea to try and lean his entire body on me and give me a back massage while I was making copies, I stopped him in that exact moment and said: "Do not touch me again. You do not have my permission to touch me, nor will you ever." And he stopped. I feel that the best way to deal with creeps who push the limit is to be direct at the moment it happens. You can't be wishy washy, or try not to offend someone and push them off gently. They may take that as you being "hard to get." BUT - there's nothing hard to get about being absolutely direct.

A woman that I became friends with worked as one of my peers for a period of time. She would get frustrated when I would get a promotion, or hilighted in the office because she felt that she wasn't taken seriously. She was an intelligent person, but she dressed like Jessica Rabbit to work. She said that men wouldn't look her in the eye. Well.... when you're dressed like Jessica Rabbit - it's hard to pay attention to anything else.

Again - not saying you're dressing like that, but just offering another perspective. I'm sorry that you have to deal with an uncomfortable and stressful work environment. Regardless of the situation, it should NEVER be that way for anyone.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

Quote:
You are right about the clothing situation. It only had to happen once or twice and then I didn't wear shorts again. Once in a while, I would break down and wear capris or bermudas. He's not a fan of them so I knew I was safe. This is a casual environment so I tend to wear jeans that actually fit me and comfortable shirts or sweaters. Almost everything I buy is too big for me. Stores around here don't exactly cater to my size very well unless I want to wear Hello Kitty. At 25 years old, the Kitty is out!

It is an uncomfortable environment here. I'm always stressed and walking on egg shells. With my health the way it is, I can't really afford to be stressed more than the norm. I can't skip meals like others can. I need to be calm, which I usually am, until I come here. My only peace with this job right now is when he has meetings out of town, like today. I can be calm with him gone and eat a meal and get my work done without freaking out over details that don't need my attention.

 

[lishah2000]

I was a shy timid person most of my life and worked in a place very similar to what you are going through. It really beat me down. One day I was yelled at for no reason and had enough. Walked out. Best thing I've ever done. It was hard for awhile, but during that time I learned to stand up for myself. No one has the right to yell at you.

Years down the line I ended up with another manager that started to pick on me for no reason. I started to revert back to my timid self, until the day she started yelling at me. (yep a she this time) I didn't care if I lost my job or not - I stood up for myself. Of course the higher management took the side of the manager, which really surprised me - I had not had any problems with any one in the three years I had worked there. I learned to totally ignore this person when I had to work with her. It actually made her so mad. I did my job and what I was told to do, but just ignored her. (I had been studying something called Least Reinforcing Scenario - LRS and how it applies to animal training. Started using that on her and it really worked well.)

She ended up leaving less than a month later.

 

[chickmashnoon]

Totally sympathize. Work at a small family run buisness myself and the retired owner will lead people thru on tours and point to us saying "look- we even hire women!" like we are part of some freakshow. If your avatar represents you, you are younger, attractive and petite, three counts unfortunatly that cause certain personalities to not take you seriously, and sometimes that's no matter what you wear or how you present yourself.

Hang in there and keep looking for another job. I'll say a little prayer for ya! Do you have an HR person you could go to? Or is there another area that you could transfer to?

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Good luck on the job hunt, and good job for working towards that. It sounds like putting some distance between mom and you might be beneficial as well.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

Quote:
You got my avatar right. And you are right about me not being taken seriously because of it. That curse has followed me everywhere I go and I have learned from it. I learned to show people that I am more mature than how I look and can be professional and do my job just like plain Jane in the next office, etc.
Unfortunately, the only person my boss answers to besides his father, is my mother

She tried helping me out after the last incident and he did back off, but I don't want to constantly rely on her to fight my battles. It's not fair to her or me.

It sounds like putting some distance between mom and you might be beneficial as well.

You're right again Punk. She and I do butt heads quite a bit and I knew one day, she would get to me. I love her to death, but she doesn't like me very much. I know some of you will think I'm exaggerating on that but I'm afraid I'm not. She has admitted to loving, but not liking, me or my sisters. She has issues with us that stem back to her not treating my father very well and by him telling us what she did, it made her dislike and not trust us. She tends to carry her animosity towards me into work.​