NotabitaiI
*spins around in office chair*
Hello there interwebs peruser, rest your blue light weary eyes on my about page and sip some warm tea with me, I made sure to use a polytetrafluoroethylene coated kettle that way a little bit of our interaction can stay with you forever <3
*Pulls out crunchy handkerchief and blows nose*
I see you have some form of digital device in your possession *licks chapped lips* I pride myself on being a bit of an expert on tech things, perhaps when you're done with that I can take it off your hands *winks and flourishes H-E-B buddy bucks™* I promise to only use your old devices for mysteriously nefarious potholder abuse purposes
Why do I abuse the potholders you ask? I shall tell you the epic tale! Have a seat *gestures towards a pile of computer corpses* and if you're hungry I have some nuts for you.
*Clears throat and blows nose again*
It all started long long ago, seven years ago actually, I got into technology because of my Dad *wipes a tear away*, I used to always nag him about his computer, mess with it while he was at work, and then I was handed down a old computer that was going to be ewasted and that's when I discovered I had a gift, a power within myself *clenches burnt hands into fists* I had the ability to watch YouTube videos and follow instructions! I spent many late hours click clacking with all my might. Life was good.
*Sighs* It was a night like many others when my perfect life ended. I had fallen asleep while memorizing big words in the dictionary to use randomly in conversation, the whirring and humming of PC towers in the background, my dry nasal passages whistling as I breathed the hot dry air around me when SUDDENLY...a scream rent through the air. I awoke with a start. Who was screaming? My crackhead neighbor? The guy who delivers my computer organs? No, it was my father. I found him lying limp in the driveway, a look of horror etched into his face. What happened? Who had done this? What could I do?
He coughed dryly as I held him there.
"Jervis Macbookianromcdlinuxingman—" he started
"Promise me—PROMISE that you won't let him get away with thi—ugh" *death*
And that's when I saw it, a tiny neon orange polyester fiber on his shoulder, a tea stain on his shirt, clearly he had been betrayed by the little loom potholder my sister had made for him last Christmas. I vowed then and there, with the crackhead neighbor as my witness that no potholder would ever take someone from me ever again.
*Dramatic villain montage music starts playing*
Fueled by fury and vitamins I allied with Linux to take a trash heap of electronics and turn them into functioning relics, with my newfound power and army of tech I began my crusade, punishing every potholder I came across, inflicting pain upon even the cutest pastel pink and purple woven square. Mercy? I don't know her, I only know the depths of despair and bitterness *hisses with anger* I do the unimaginable to these seemingly innocent diy projects, it might make you sick to see them, beaten, battered, brown and fraying at the edges, but that's justice, justice for what they did to my father.
*Grabs third soggy kerchief and dabs eyes*
What's that? You've got a thing? Okay well, I'll be sad to see you go, please do come again soon and here take one of these *pulls out ziplock baggie full of roaches* it's dangerous to go alone
Hello there interwebs peruser, rest your blue light weary eyes on my about page and sip some warm tea with me, I made sure to use a polytetrafluoroethylene coated kettle that way a little bit of our interaction can stay with you forever <3
*Pulls out crunchy handkerchief and blows nose*
I see you have some form of digital device in your possession *licks chapped lips* I pride myself on being a bit of an expert on tech things, perhaps when you're done with that I can take it off your hands *winks and flourishes H-E-B buddy bucks™* I promise to only use your old devices for mysteriously nefarious potholder abuse purposes
Why do I abuse the potholders you ask? I shall tell you the epic tale! Have a seat *gestures towards a pile of computer corpses* and if you're hungry I have some nuts for you.
*Clears throat and blows nose again*
It all started long long ago, seven years ago actually, I got into technology because of my Dad *wipes a tear away*, I used to always nag him about his computer, mess with it while he was at work, and then I was handed down a old computer that was going to be ewasted and that's when I discovered I had a gift, a power within myself *clenches burnt hands into fists* I had the ability to watch YouTube videos and follow instructions! I spent many late hours click clacking with all my might. Life was good.
*Sighs* It was a night like many others when my perfect life ended. I had fallen asleep while memorizing big words in the dictionary to use randomly in conversation, the whirring and humming of PC towers in the background, my dry nasal passages whistling as I breathed the hot dry air around me when SUDDENLY...a scream rent through the air. I awoke with a start. Who was screaming? My crackhead neighbor? The guy who delivers my computer organs? No, it was my father. I found him lying limp in the driveway, a look of horror etched into his face. What happened? Who had done this? What could I do?
He coughed dryly as I held him there.
"Jervis Macbookianromcdlinuxingman—" he started
"Promise me—PROMISE that you won't let him get away with thi—ugh" *death*
And that's when I saw it, a tiny neon orange polyester fiber on his shoulder, a tea stain on his shirt, clearly he had been betrayed by the little loom potholder my sister had made for him last Christmas. I vowed then and there, with the crackhead neighbor as my witness that no potholder would ever take someone from me ever again.
*Dramatic villain montage music starts playing*
Fueled by fury and vitamins I allied with Linux to take a trash heap of electronics and turn them into functioning relics, with my newfound power and army of tech I began my crusade, punishing every potholder I came across, inflicting pain upon even the cutest pastel pink and purple woven square. Mercy? I don't know her, I only know the depths of despair and bitterness *hisses with anger* I do the unimaginable to these seemingly innocent diy projects, it might make you sick to see them, beaten, battered, brown and fraying at the edges, but that's justice, justice for what they did to my father.
*Grabs third soggy kerchief and dabs eyes*
What's that? You've got a thing? Okay well, I'll be sad to see you go, please do come again soon and here take one of these *pulls out ziplock baggie full of roaches* it's dangerous to go alone
- Website
- https://martenelo.com/
- Location
- Southern us
- Real Name
- Jervis Macbookianromcdlinuxingman
- Gender
- Male
- Why do you want to join our community?
- Thinking about getting some chickens.
- Occupation
- Nerdy ramblings
Signature
So...What if the skibidi toilets exist in an alternate universe and they're reaching through to our dimension and causing the weak and the young of our kind to be addicted to brain rot in hopes of systematically destroying our species because they think we beheaded the skibidi toilets that existed on our planet and we display their corpses in our homes solely for the purpose of taking a dump in them?
To all the people who put up with me, I hope you can heal and learn to make better friends
To all the people who put up with me, I hope you can heal and learn to make better friends
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