"Her pants would look better hanging on a nail"
"Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free"
"Don't marry the stove pipe when you can marry the stove"
"I'm off to wrinkle ranch" (the senior center)
"Do you need some education applied to the seat of learning?"
"Get over here, you need a tune up"
"Couldn't find his butt with both hands in his back pockets"
"If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt when he jumped"
"Stuck on Stupid"
"Slicker than snot on a glass doorknob"
"Son of a stitch"
"There's more than one way to skin a cat"
"She wouldn't say crap even if she had a mouthful"...