Ummm, "Can I h-e-l-p you...are you lost, where's your Mother"? "Security, quick, we need a page for a 'Mary'...she can come to pen 1B... please". "There, there, don't cry...we'll find her.
Young man, it's a-B-c, not a-Baahaaah-c ! Now go to the board and write I will learn my A-B-C's until I tell you to stop"...
(I don't even want to THINK about numbers, this 'kid' will put me to sleep at 5, 10 tops!)