And the journey with cancer continues...

[debilorrah]

My friend and her cancer stricken hubby came back from Puerta Vallarta yesterday. The good news is he was able to participate in about 50% of the activities. The bad news is the other 50% of the time he was in extreme pain, no matter the meds. Because his cancer causes liver failure, most pain meds don't help because the liver cannot process them. They wanted to renew their vows on the beach down there, but the day it was scheduled was a really bad day for him.

Recently, he has been a complete and total butthead - exhibiting extreme anger towards everyone around him. Though we all realize he is angry to leave his kids and grandkids behind, it was hard work for my friend to convince him not to leave her with memories of such anger. I really pray it was a phase in the dying process. On this trip he was kind and loving. Prayers are answered.

 

[ibpboo]

May there be peace in all of your hearts.

 

[Mahonri]

I have a patient and good friend who has small cell cancer that went from his lungs to his brain.

He's been through the chemo and the radiation in his chest, tomorrow he begins the radiation through his brain.

I pray he makes it.

Deb, when folks are in extreme pain, you never know what to expect and you just have to call it what it is, PAIN. When he gets angry or upset or complaining... PAIN, PAIN, PAIN...

Have they put in a tube so that he can inject morphine directly?

In this day and age, there should be no reason for someone to die in pain... there are meds that can work around the obstacles.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
My dear friend, the issue that almost 99% of pain meds are processed through the liver. Giving him meds that process through the liver is TAKING time from him, so he chooses to not go that route. And I can't blame him either. Morphine is one drug that is mostly processed through the liver, as is Vicodin. Bile duct cancer is a rare cancer, no more than 4,000 people world wide per year. No one has yet figured out how to offer comfort without shortening their life.

 

[vfem]

Its so hard for me to read this, I was reading your reaching out post as well.... I tear up each time, and I haven't the words. But it really kills me to know so many people go through this. I am SURE this is just a phase, and he will move on from it and he will change and be a new person and his old self day by day. Your friend is VERY lucky you have you too... remember that!!!

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
I have actually come to realize that I am valuable recently. Such a stupid thing - making biscuits and gravy for him made him cry. I am not an attention seeking kind of a person, I just do what I am motivated to do. For myself too!!! For me, this is all new, and watching my friend go through this hell seeing her husband of 27 years deteriorate in front of her - this is not something I want to repeat, and I feel that as I get older, I don't get to make that choice.

Youngsters reading this? File it away. Remember - it will come. I never expected it, and it hit me in the face.

 

[vfem]

You are a good person Deb, and maybe he just looked at you in a different light for the first time? Its a beautiful thing to notice love for someone.

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Thank you so much. Since my friendship has always been with his wife, I am sure you are right that he just saw me in a new light. Even if that little small breakfast was all I can do for him, it was worth it. I guess because I love her, I felt it was right to do something for him. I still feel the need to do more, and he is a VERY private person, so I am writing him a letter.

 

[I have WHAT in my yard?]

As many people on here know I was stuck in the anger phase with my friend who has breast cancer for what seemed like forever. I do not believe that she will die of this (not at this time anyway) but her fear made her angry. She alienated everyone around her because she became abusive. In your friend's case his time is limited and everyone needs to just let it roll over them. With any luck he'll move onto the next phase quickly.

"Pain never makes an angel out of anyone except in books and obituaries!" (I don't remember who said that, it wasn't me.)


Keep helping with the food. The rest of the family still needs to eat (an inconvenient truth) even if he cannot and they don't want to. I made casseroles and put them all in single serving tupperware so they could be heated up and eaten right out of the same bowl.

My friend is in the radiation phase now and is not responding well to the radiation. She is not sick, like she was under chemo, but she is in a lot of pain. She doesn't like the drugged feeling, but the pain makes her unable to do much......






Cancer bites.