Any other childless chicken moms out there?

[Agilityscots]

Just wondering...I know I can't be the only one here.

Last year I wrote a book about choosing to be childless (because I am and I have) and I'm always curious about other women's choices. When I go through revisions I'd like to submit the book to an agent. If you feel like sharing, how did you come to your choice? Do you regret it? What do you like about being childless? What do you not like? This isn't for my book, it's just my own curiosity.

There's always so much talk, in every aspect of daily life, surrounding children and families...I'd like to hear from those you who've chosen not to have kids and how it's affected your life.

Amy

 

[beameuplord]

Hi Amy, I too an childless by choice for several reasons. Childhood wasn't blissful. I was emotionally abused and heard many times what a nuisance kids are. Why would I want any...ya know? I was also sexually abused and afraid if I brought a daughter into the world I couldn't protect her and would be an picky nervous wreck.

I also lived a sheltered life and had plans to do some things I never got to do as a child. And the last reason is that I have taken care of children since i was 14 in many situations, including nanny, sitter, teacher's assistant and preschool teacher. It is more responsibility than I want. I married a man with three daughters and we now have 8 grandchildren. Enough for me ! I have enjoyed the children of many, many other people in my life and currently care for children in my home. My maternal appetite has been thoroughly satisfied.

TJ

PS I also like to write and am currently submitting children's books to publishers. I also have a novel completed but it needs plenty of editing. Maybe one day.

 

[Southern28Chick]

I am childless but not by choice. God just has not blessed me yet.

Not having kids is better financialy for us and we are able to get up and go somewhere without a lot of worrying with kids. We still have to worry about the animals.

I really want kids but if it doesn't ever happen for me then I'll be ok. I think my DH doesn't care much either way.

 

[thndrdancr]

I am also childless. Just got married two years ago, for the first time, at the ripe old age of 41!

Every once in a while, I will get a twinge when I am out in a restaurant or something, but never have been too fascinated by little babies, whereas my sister always ooooh and ahhhhhs, and I just dont quite get it.

I love children, just babies dont do it for me, and they DO have to go thru that stage.

Also, just the thought of pregnancy absolutely scares/d me to death!
I have also worked extensively with children, in Child Protective Services, as a foster mom, babysitting, etc. Would consider being a foster mom again.

Sometimes I do wonder what my hubby's an I's child would look like, cuz he has the most lovely green eyes, and green also runs in our family. But actually finances arent conducive anyhow, so it doesnt worry me either way.

Jill

 

[beameuplord]

Jill, I'm with you n that baby stage. I think they are darling in someone else's arms ...LOL. But I have kept two from birth now and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I did better than I expected but don't want to do it again. My nephew has a son now too that is five months old. Fortunately mom works from home now and she keeps him most of the time. that is ok with me.

TJ

 

[CarriBrown]

I am childless, for now, but I didn't always want kids. My mom has bi-polar disorder and even though my dad was the best a kid could have, I always had an empty place in my heart. Here I am, almost 30 years old, and when I see a mother and daughter together, I want to go home and cry (just like I used to). My dad would tell my brother and I that Mom loved us but didn't like us. He didn't understand just like we didn't.
I didn't want kids because, frankly, I thought my mom was a very bad example and that I wouldn't know how to be a mom. I was afraid I would resort to her ways. I NEVER want to put someone through what I went through... My brother didn't get it like I did.
It took a long time and a lot of very hard conversations with my dad. He finally told me one day, "You are not your mother." He said it to me over and over, I broke down crying, and that's when I knew I had to stop letting her control my future.
I did a lot of praying and my heart finally opened. Now I know that I'm NOT my mother, that I am just not able to treat someone that way, and that even though I will never have that mother/daughter relationship as a daughter, I CAN have it as a mother. Even if I were to have a son, I can still have a relationship that I've always wanted to experience.
My DH has finally opened up to the idea and we are going to start trying next year. But, I will never be one of those "OH, you'll change your mind" types of people (you childfree couples know what I'm talking about), because you just don't know.

 

[Agilityscots]

Quote:
Ooooh, I find that "you'll change your mind" business so aggravating! We don't hear it much any more, now that we've been married ten years and people are finally figuring out that kids are not in the plans for us, but it still pops out every once in a while. It's so condescending.

Amy

 

[thndrdancr]

lol Yes I was given that "you'll change your mind" speech...for the first 15 years or so, then everyone gave up on me changing my mind. They should have known me well enuff to know, I dont change my mind very often!

I had a wonderful childhood, so it was never that, I just thought babysitting when I was 13 was hard work, unlike many of my teen friends who "wanted a baby to love of their very own". Sheesh what nonsense. I guess I was more mature, realizing it was a 24 hour business, and what I did for 4 hours, was NOT something I wanted to do around the clock! None of my gal friends seemed to get that.

 

[lurky]

I have a 20 year old daughter, but i so fully support people not wanting them . I think there are WAY too many out there that should never have had kids. When i had my daughter, i was too young to be making that choice. It was never easy and i knew i would never do it again. There is alot of responsibility to being a parent and i have alot of respect for people who know its not for them BEFORE they are chasing the little buggers down the isle of walmart screaming and swearing. I was very lucky because i had the easiest, bestest kid EVER. But i still would never have done it again. I also love kids BTW and admire people who have more than one child because it takes an incredible amount of patience and organization. (I have none of either)

 

[Agilityscots]

Quote:
Yes! I don't get the baby thing either...and I REALLY hate it when new moms shove a baby into my lap. I know that they're proud, but not everyone wants to or feels comfortable holding a baby. And not everyone is fascinated by the little creatures. My brother-in-law and his wife just had the first grandchild in my husband's family, and literally EVERY single family gathering is all about watching the baby drool and discussing his diaper contents. Ugh.

I also had a physically and emotionally abusive childhood. I'm the picture of someone who should not raise kids. I don't have a maternal bone in my body, and I'm finally okay with that. For years I thought something was "wrong" with me, but a little bit of research showed me that "maternal instincts" are a Victorian patriarchy-created myth.

Amy