Einstein Unleashed: Makin' a Joyful Noise Unto Da Woild--

[jham]

AYUH, as they say in Maine.

This, dear friends, is the Strange and Terrible Saga of the End of Einstein the Terrible's Twisted Rein of UNMITIGATED TERROR!

Hallelujah! Praise GAWD Almighty! FREE AGAIN!!

FREE AGAIN,

THANK GAWD AND PAUL'S PICKUP TRUCK THAT EINSTEIN IS NOW SEVERAL BLESSED MILES AWAY

Til this day, for a week I suffered the torment of the darn under the reign of TERROR unleashed upon the neighborhood by the infamous rooster from hell Einstein, whose piercingly distinctive call is somewhere between the decibel level of a fireengine combined with the nerve wracking sound of a badly tuned chainsaw searing through your brain like a hot surgeon's scalpel just at that moment when you finally drifting into the land of nod, only to be jolted out of it.

I wanted to grab the shotgun and blow his ass away more times than I could count over the past week, but I restrained myself and today I turned him loose on someone who has zero comprehension of the word "BOUNDARIES".

HERES THE SAGA OF EINSTEIN & HOW HE CAME TO BE MOVED THE @#$# OUT!lol:

On Saturday I was competing in a Masters endurance swim meet where I did a 1500 M Free followed by a 200 M leg of a relay. By the time I got home I was beyond exhausted, felt like I'd been dropped off a tall building onto asphalt I was so sore. I came home and the phone rang as soon as I entered the house. Five minutes into the conversation I heard what sounded like Niagra falls, rushing water somewhere in my house. I couldn't believe my eyes, I rushed into the spare bedroom where the hot water heater was and the room had 3" of water covering it. The hot water heater didn't even have a darn shutoff valve so I had to go out and shut off the watermain to shut the water off to the whole house. I tripped the breaker for the hot water heater so I wouldn't get fried and started rescuing boxes of old photos and other valuables, lugging them into other rooms. I got the neighbor who had a wetvac and a janitors mop bucket and mop.

We moved all furniture and heaved the sodden wall to wall carpet and its spongy backing out the window, then vacuumed and mopped about 900 gallons of water off the floor. The hot water heater then did a "down periscope" maneuver as it fell completely through the floor into the crawlspace below.

While this was going on, I did not know that this demented idiot who lives in my town had seen Einstein the Terrible strutting down the road in front of my house. Without bothering to engage her brain, and without asking me, she led him back to the chicken coop which I'd cast him out of a week before and put him inside, whereupon he promptly ripped the eye out of an injured rooster who I was trying to nurse back to health after he'd ripped all the ligaments in his leg by trying to kill Einstein which I sure as hell couldn't blame him for trying to do, and he caught his leg in the chainlink and was maimed.

Then Einstein added insult to injury by pecking out his eye. I found Einstein strutting around like King F ing Tut doin' his Apache wardance screechin' like the proverbial gates of hell at all hours crowing in triumph at finally vanquishing his hated foe, Samson.

So I had to rescue Samson for the second time in a week. I'd banished Einstein to the woods where from 100 feet up in a tree he could be heard into the next county and even across the border into British Columbia causing many Anglo Saxon oaths to be proclaimed loudly throughout the neighborhood. I banished Einstein because Samson didn't deserve to be cooped up in a tiny cage for his own protection while I tried to help him heal his injured leg.

Then this blithering idiot who realized I had an injured bird in the coop stuck Einstein in their, not even considering that I didn't WANT him in there, so Samson's eye was pecked out.

So I learned she had done this and I was pretty steamed up because she should have known better. She's raised chickens herself, and she KNEW I had that injured bird in there but her brain was not engaged. She didn't even leave a note or call to let me know she'd put him back in, I had to find out the hard way, and too late for Samson's eye.

When I got ticked about it she refused to so much as APOLOGIZE even though I tried a second time this morning to approach her about this, so today, I transported the bird from hell to her house and let him loose in the woods. He looked happy as a lark drinking from the brook and eating weeds last time I saw him, and I sure hope he gives her the high decibel siren routine at all hours of the day and night til that wondrous day when she'll hopefully dive off the nearest cliff.

Ah yes! The day Einstein was unleashed and finally transported very far from here will live in memory as one of the happiest days of my life!

Long live watery broth..... and the STRAIGHTJACKET!

 

[4 Love of Baby Chickens]

Oh man!! Poor Samson. Hope Einstein gives her the 1 - 3.

 

[jham]

I'm just glad theres no microchip in Einstein to identify him. An idea came to me from this whole experience- we should turn a bunch of specially bred roosters loose on certain miscreant politicians to bug the living S_ _ T outa them. These attack roosters would be very elusive, very difficult to stop and they'd be specially trained to crow at all hours! They need to be unleashed on all the scumbags in Con-gress who have turned their backs on the constitution and are now attempting to tell us that unless we pay for a freakin' insurance policy, we're gonna be fined and jailed. Screw THAT caca! Since WHEN did our gummint have the right to order us to buy ANYTHING? I'm just glad so many State Attorney Generals have filed lawsuits against it and legislation is being passed in many states that will NULLIFY the whole Dogs Breakfast just like we used 10th amendment lawsuits to nullify the so called "REAL ID" Act. The Orwellian nature of our evil gummint just keeps getting worse every day. DC needs to be burned to the ground. We need to start over minus all those terrorists. I hate and distrust both political parties too, they both suck out loud. The evil grump who stuck Einstein in with Samson is the sorta person who needs to be staked out naked to the ground, someone should pour aunt Jemima pancake syrup over her so the ants can finish the job slowly. Since I can't do that without bein packed off to the crowbar hotel, sicking Einstein on her was the next best thing. May his piercing call sear through her cerebral cortex like a hot knife thru butter, totally destroying her sleep til she wails in abject agony and hurls herself over the nearest freakin' cliff! Don't mind me, I grew up in Jersey!