Foster & Adoptive Parenting Thread ---

[farmerlor]

I don't know if I belong either since we quit fostering for fear we'd end up adopting the whole world but we fostered for a little over 12 years. Since I used to be a nurse we took only the sickest babies and soon found out that if the parental rights are terminated on these really sick babies there is no waiting list of people who want to adopt them. That's when we started to adopt some of our babies. My favorite part of fostering was when I got to help teach the bio parents and or relatives how to care for their baby and hopefully reunite a family. I was also a very strong advocate for "my" kids and if something wasn't going well I had no problem with writing a letter or two, seeing the child's guardian or even testifying in court.
When we were done fostering I started teaching some foster parenting classes and speaking to groups about FAS which has been rewarding but I miss those 2 am feedings with a sweet baby more than anyone knows.
Oh, and I'm just as liberal as I can be.

 

[redhen]

Well, my foster son went to his first NA meeting tonight. I'm SO proud of him! He wanted to go because he felt like dabbling in drugs again...BUT he was smart enough to ask for help! Awesome kid! He came from such a screwed up home.. moms a druggie(crack and other drugs..)..she has 2 other younger boys that she lost to the state. His father was never really in his life..in and out of jail... and he had a step father that he just didnt get along with. He had absolutley NO structure at home..mom let him do what he wanted and run the roads any time he wanted. He started to get involved with gangs and drugs... then he went to lock-up..
And i can say that THIS TIME lock-up actually helped a kid. He learned rules and structure... then he came to my house. And hes STILL doing SO good! I have never had any problem with this kid. Hes been here since last Oct...
I'm kinda upset though because they are letting him go back home in June... Back home to no structure and rules... I'm so sfraid that he'll end up back in trouble. Why would they let a kid go home to a mother that cant have her other children? Lord knows... sometimes the system ticks me off....
But anyways..while hes here hes doing great! And we can just hope that he'll continue to do well at home. Hopefully hes learned enough to hold him steady when he gets back with mom...

 

[Blue Skys]

I have a question... I haven't yet been to orientation but I've just been wondering how involved with the birth families do the foster parents get? I know that it is part of our role to assist the birth families with reintroduction, but I don't want folks over to my house or anything... What has y'alls experience been? I'm glad to take the kiddos anywhere they need to go to visit with their folks anyway that the agency deems fit.

Hopefully there are no stupid questions.

 

[Godsgrl]

I attempted to raise my teenage niece as, I guess, a foster parent. She was mentally ill with bipolar disorder, and it just didn't work out. Unfortunately, this experience has soured me on foster/adoptive parenting forever. I am not the right person for this, but I deeply admire people who can make it work.

 

[farmerlor]

Quote:
It's going to be different from agency to agency, county to county and state to state but in OUR state the foster parents are allowed to set the boundaries. No one was allowed my phone number or address unless I'd met with them often enough to know they were no danger. And first visits were always conducted at the social services offices where they had security but later I would do in home visits or visits at the park. I did enjoy helping the parents learn to care for their children and sort of modeling what a family looks like for them but those opportunities didn't come around as often as they should have.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
Hi! I dont generally get involved at all with the parents.. thats the case workers job. In my opinion...
I may interact with them about visit times and such... they will call and tell us when they are coming to pick up their kid and such...but thats about it.
I make my foster care company do all the parent work...

As for visits IN my house...nope..no way will i have visits in my house.... they have to take the kid somewhere.. (IF they are allowed to..) if not... then meetings will be at the foster care company... never in my house. And the foster company backs me up in this... they tell the parents that visits dont happen in the home...
You have to stand firm..or the state and foster companies will walk all over you, sometimes.
Just tell them what you will and WONT allow.

 

[redhen]

Quote:
It iS hard! I also deal with alot of kids with mental problems. (i work with high risk teens) so i hear ya!
The most important thing is to have alot of support from your foster company... And sometimes it even happens!

 

[NoseyChickens]

My three daughters are all adopted through the foster care system. They were the only children we ever fostered. They were 2,3, and 5 weeks old when they were placed with us in a matter of 2 months time. We went from 2 to 5 kids in one summer. Our youngest was voluntarily given up by the biofam at 3 days old. The older 2 are bio half sisters and it was a long drawn out process. It has been a struggle at times raising the oldest 2 who were both drug exposed. this past year has been very difficult. I wouldnt change a thing. They are amazing.