Frustrated wife

[Bartonsfinest]

I NEVER say how I’m feeling I always keep every emotion inside I was raised its not last like to talk about yourself or feelings. But ever since my dad died in march my emotions are everywhere and I just can’t seem to hold anything back so hopefully there is another person who is going threw what I’m currently experiencing here it goes

So I got my first chickens in the beginning of June they were all ready 4 weeks old so I will correct myself when I got my first PULLETS I was so excited I did a crap ton of research on farming on homesteading just anything related to keep chickens I did all that months before I got the girls my husband wanted NOTHING to do with our new baby’s and I mean NOTHING matter of fact I had this feeling he was waiting on me to fail long story short my pullets HATE ME!! And they adore my husband I do everything and I mean everything for my feathered baby’s my husband don’t do SHIT!! I asked him before we got the chicken if he would help me build the coop ( he graduated school for carpentry) he said yes and all the sudden he 100% took over and bulit a horrendous coop and run (that I’m still correcting and fixing his mistakes) I gave him 5 different coop and run plans and put them into order from the one I want the most to my lease fav told him where I wanted our coop even did all this landscaping on the spot where I wanted the coop to go and one day I look outside and the coop is not even close to where we talked about putting and now every time i see the coop ( Which is several times a day) my stomach turns and get so upset and angry i know my way around tools and power tool just not building things anything So I have all this extra lumber laying around so I decided in building a new one myself and put it where I want it I picked the easiest coop plan that I think I can do so wish me luck I hope someone can reach out and give me some kind of advice or tips on anything really I think I just need some kind of outlet to get my frustration out in a health way sorry for the long rant

 

[Brooks_]

When you have questions, feel free to ask - no matter how small they seem. We'll be glad to help. In the meantime, rant.

 

[Missyschix13]

Hang in there girl. The loss of a parent is a hard thing to go through. I think you're on the right path. It's hard when you are passionate about something and your spouse isn't being supportive. Chickens are easy to win over. Spend time with them in the run not doing chores. They probably don't hate you. It's hard to hate the person that feeds you. I think building your own coop will give you an outlet and let you be creative and proud of what you have accomplished! Keep us posted! And as always we are here to support you. Whether that is help with questions or just a need to vent. We get it. Sending hugs

 

[BlindLemonChicken]

Rant away. If you're already building your own coop, maybe get a new flock of chickens. Don't ask him for help-he has his own chickens now lol. Grief is a weird thing. You don't have to get through it at any one else's pace or on anyone else's terms. We are here if you need to listen and answer questions!

 

[Bartonsfinest]

When you have questions, feel free to ask - no matter how small they seem. We'll be glad to help. In the meantime, rant.

Thank you it feel good to have like minded people to talk to

 

[Bartonsfinest]

Hang in there girl. The loss of a parent is a hard thing to go through. I think you're on the right path. It's hard when you are passionate about something and your spouse isn't being supportive. Chickens are easy to win over. Spend time with them in the run not doing chores. They probably don't hate you. It's hard to hate the person that feeds you. I think building your own coop will give you an outlet and let you be creative and proud of what you have accomplished! Keep us posted! And as always we are here to support you. Whether that is help with questions or just a need to vent. We get it. Sending hugs

Thank you to all you wonderful people for making me feel better I don’t feel like a jealous 9 years old

 

[Bartonsfinest]

Rant away. If you're already building your own coop, maybe get a new flock of chickens. Don't ask him for help-he has his own chickens now lol. Grief is a weird thing. You don't have to get through it at any one else's pace or on anyone else's terms. We are here if you need to listen and answer questions!

Grief has been so confusing to me I haven’t had a lost this huge or that would really impact my life but I loved my dad and we were very close I was his only daughter sure he wasn’t mr.rodgers but i didn’t and still don’t care I loved him how he was I just been staying busy from the time I open my eyes till I shut them funny you said get my own flock I came across silkys chicks that are coming home with me this week ( I wanted silkys anyways lol)

 

[DickMidnight]

a few things

sorry for your loss. that truly sucks.

you wanted chickens, your husband didn't. it sounds like he let you know this in no uncertain terms.

then you got them and asked him to build a coop and run. i have a hard time imagining this coop and run went up in a matter of minutes or hours, so while it was being built, why didn't you say "hey, that's not where i wanted it to be. also, it doesn't look like the plans at all"

it sounds like the discussion you need to have isn't with like-minded strangers on the internet who will serve as an echo chamber for your point of view, but rather a difficult one with your husband about the fact that the two of you don't communicate effectively.

 

[Bartonsfinest]

a few things

sorry for your loss. that truly sucks.

you wanted chickens, your husband didn't. it sounds like he let you know this in no uncertain terms.

then you got them and asked him to build a coop and run. i have a hard time imagining this coop and run went up in a matter of minutes or hours, so while it was being built, why didn't you say "hey, that's not where i wanted it to be. also, it doesn't look like the plans at all"

it sounds like the discussion you need to have isn't with like-minded strangers on the internet who will serve as an echo chamber for your point of view, but rather a difficult one with your husband about the fact that the two of you don't communicate effectively.

I did try and communicate to my husband with ever problem that has and had came up from the day I got the girls till this present moment. I’m sorry mam’m or sir are you some kind of licensed martial counselor? Because I have one all ready, and your correct on the timeframe the coop and run did not take a day to put up. But if you are currently married then you could or would understand my frustrations on this subject matter of my ranting my personal experience with my spouse is sometimes my opinion or certain needs or wants are not always a big priority. This thread doesn’t do him or I any justice no one knows our relationship dynamics nor our personalities outside of a internet chicken website. Thanks for the post on this thread

 

[DickMidnight]

I did try and communicate to my husband with ever problem that has and had came up from the day I got the girls till this present moment. I’m sorry mam’m or sir are you some kind of licensed martial counselor? Because I have one all ready, and your correct on the timeframe the coop and run did not take a day to put up. But if you are currently married then you could or would understand my frustrations on this subject matter of my ranting my personal experience with my spouse is sometimes my opinion or certain needs or wants are not always a big priority. This thread doesn’t do him or I any justice no one knows our relationship dynamics nor our personalities outside of a internet chicken website. Thanks for the post on this thread

i can barely understand what you’re saying, let alone your frustration at a situation that was, at least, halfway caused by you.

if you have a marriage counselor, it sounds like they aren’t terribly effective.

in all the times you brought the chickens up to your husband, what were his responses? was he happy about them? did he seem like he wanted to care for them? or did he say that he didn’t want anything to do with them.

if it’s the former, then there’s a problem on his end. if it’s the latter, then you never should have expected help.

if you saw the coop being built incorrectly and in the wrong location, why didn’t you speak up? part of getting what we want in a marriage is speaking up, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult.

“hey, maybe i’m wrong, but that looks very different from the plans. could we maybe go over those again? and i don’t know if you saw, but i cleared an area on the other side of the yard that i think would be better for the coop. can we move the build over there?”

it’s easier to run to the anonymity of a forum where (you hope) everyone will agree with you and tell you it’s all ok. it’s much harder to have the necessary conversations to keep a marriage upright. but i know which juice is more worth the squeeze.

good luck.