How long?....

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

I feel really actually quite stupid writing this and even thinking it. But you all are the most animal oriented people I "know". As a lot of you know I put my GSD to sleep last week. I have been doing "ok" until today. Yeah the first couple days were really hard, I did a LOT of crying. But then I felt like I was doing well. Until about three days ago I found myself feeling really angry about Foenix. About his death, the time I put into him, all the hope I had in him.

I have dealt with putting an animal down before, in old age and even for behavior issues. But this is by far the worst time with a death I have ever had -- that includes human deaths. I know part of this is that I am in our home a lot, with all of his things, his bowls, bed, leashes collars, food bin, the back yard with some of his toys. Even while doing housework -- finding his hair all over the place. The human deaths I have dealt with I guess were a bit easier because I didn't live with them, most of them were elderly with long lives and had been suffering for a few weeks while the death process did its thing.

So I have been angry over his death, his medical problems, the emotional process of trying to re-home him (which we were in when I discovered he had Perianal Fistulas). And today, I don't feel angry, I just have the worst sad feeling I have ever had. It feels llike someone sitting on my chest. I feel like I can't take a real breath, even though I can expand my lungs normally.

I am feeling so frustrated by this, I have to keep going like normal but I feel like emotionally I will never be normal again.

It helped a lot when I called my mom tonight and talked to her and finally cried it out some.

My question is this: how long did it take for your emotions to get back to somewhat normal after the death of a close pet? I just want to feel OK again.

 

[ScissorChick]

I'm so sorry. It is VERY hard. A couple months ago I had my 16 year old cat put down,

and it was very hard. I was sad, but OK with it at first. I felt I was doing what was

best for her, then I cried and felt extremely depressed off and on over weeks afterwards.

It seems to me, like talking to someone close to you helps out alot.

-ScissorChick

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

Thanks.

Talking to my Mom helped a lot. She told me what I am feeling is normal -- that probably helped the most. I just want to get back to normal, I HATE feeling this way.

 

[dutchhollow]

I lost two dogs within two months of each other, the first not expected my 12 year old (all of mine are german shorthairs) his mother lived to be 17 and a half and his father 15 and he was a speciman of good health, this is a dog that I titled to VC (hunting title versatile champion, water, retriveing tracking and upland) MH (master hunter) and CD (companion dog). He worked every day for and with me (I run a hunting preserve), a few days before his death (december 28) somthing in his gait was off, off to the vet we went for a full workup(dog had been hunting full days still at over 12), all looked great, the vet said of his chem panel he could be a three year old. Anyway came down two days later and he was dead on his bed, as if he were asleep. I was devestated, barely funtioning for days, then for weeks I couldn't look at pictures (he was a model for a painter, that was turned into a print and a huge one hangs where I see it at work, there is also one in my living room) so hard to avoid. I knew having a 15 year old also, that I would be going thru it again soon, I just didn't know how soon.
Less then two months later, my 15 year old was diagnosed with bone cancer in the long bone of the thigh, it was painful, I decided to put him down, anything else would have been for me. This dog I also spent a ton of time with JH, NA, NAJ, CDX, I can't remember what else. But he was the dog I learned on and from, I owe him a lot.
That was three weeks ago, and now I can think about both without a total breakdown, but the first weeks are very hard.
I have read some of what you had gone through with him, whenever we spend that much time with our dogs, training and bonding, it is hard, to loose one that young, I can't even think about.What you are feeling is normal, and I hate to say, you will be feeling it for a while. I can say now that when I see pictures I can smile and remember all the good years.

 

[Robin'sBrood]

I completely understand how you feel. My favorite dog of all time was my sweet, loyal, lovable, smart, wonderful poodle/pug mix, Wolfgang. He was just the best dog and I loved him so very much. And he loved me just as much, I do believe. Anyway, when he was only 6-1/2 years old he got sick and suddenly went totally blind. Just a year later, in July 2009, his kidneys failed and I had to have him put to sleep. Cushing's Disease.

Do we ever "get over" the death of a beloved animal who left us too young? I don't think so, but the pain does lessen with time. And we don't cry every day for the rest of our lives. Give yourself time to grieve...

 

[CrazyChickieMama]

I had to put my best friend down. She became ill really quick and the vet couldn't figure out why without doing hundred's of dollars worth of tests that might not tell us anything. So, we made the hardest decision. To let her go in peace. She was only 4...too young.

I still cry! I cry when I talk about her. And it's been 2 yrs and 5 months. It gets easier to deal with the grief, but I still feel it when I see her pictures or the kids start talking about how they miss her.

It will get better. It will. But it will take time. And effort on your part.

Don't mope.
Don't dwell for hours on what could have been.
Think about the awesome times the two of you had together.
The funny things he did.
The goofy things.
Go out on a walk to your favorite place.
Put up a memorial garden.
Keep your mind occupied.

And never never never feel ashamed or stupid for grieving. We all do.

 

[sourland]

Some just leave with a bigger piece of our heart. In addition to the love that you felt for him, you are also dealing with the "unfairness" of the situation that caused his death. The pain is part of the price that we must pay for the joy that they have given us.

 

[Jamie_Dog_Trainer]

Thank you Everyone

The PM's have been especially nice and well recieved.

 

[welsummerchicks]

Well, the way I look at it is we have to learn to feel this way for however long it takes. Each person is different. I think you're younger, so you might feel more intensively right now.

I'd say it usually takes 2-3 weeks for the most acute pain to work itself out.

A lot of times, when it first happens, it doesn't quite really hit you. A lot of people are like that. While they're busy tending to letting people know what happened, taking care of things that need to be done, they're ok. It's those idle moments when there's nothing to do - often not right away, that really get you.

After 2-3 weeks, tHen you start to feel better - like there isn't a hole in your chest or someone sitting on your chest. You start to think about all the other dogs out there in the world that need you, whose lives you can make better.

It's not like you forget. After a couple months, you'll see another curtain that seems to lift. You actually start thinking you COULD some day have another dog, work with another dog.

The most important thing is to not just try to not feel that way. If you try and shove it under a rug, it gets worse. Get the bowls and leashes and have a good old flat out old fashioned cry, then go get some ice cream, watch a favorite movie, and say, 'well, I got through that moment, now I'll get through another moment'. And another, and another, and another. One step at a time.

 

[lockedhearts]

Honestly, I think it all depends on the relationship you had with that particular animal. I still have the ashes from my Blue Heeler, I have said many times I would spread them in TN , where I got her, but I can't. I put her to sleep in 2000, I finally was able to get rid of her collar last month. I still miss my Paint Gelding, he was put down in 2008, he was 3, he was born here, I still cry about him sometimes.

I know this may not be particularly answering your questions or helping, but I do think it is ok to take whatever time you need to grieve for that particular situation. We call them "pets" but they are members of the family, the rely on us, give us unconditional love, are always there for us if we need a shoulder.

It will hurt a little less every day, but a year from now you may see something, hear something or even smell something that will bring back a memory and you may shed a tear. There is nothing wrong with that.