my speech...update....

[Thortherooster]

Let’s just use are imaginations, just for a moment, so picture this, standing all day long possibly and to make it even worse have metal wires as your ground, you can’t extended your arms, if you get stuck in any way you will end up dying just centimeters away from your water, all you hear is other people screaming of unhappiness, you see many people dead, you are hungry, it sinks, you want to get out of here., well, folks, your are in a cage, welcome to the life of a battery hen. Just for the moment of imagination you have already felt some pain. These eggs we need and I understand that, eggs are an important ingredient for cake, bread, cookies, donuts, scones,

anymore yummy treats you can think of that have eggs in it.....

thanks....

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
Fix typos.... a period after life of a battery hen, new sentence follows. Remove and.... edit following sentence. Sorry

 

[Thortherooster]

thanks.....

 

[Thortherooster]

Let’s just use our imaginations, just for a moment, so picture this, standing all day long possibly and to make it even worse have metal wires as your ground, you can’t extended your arms, if you get stuck in any way you will end up dying just centimeters away from your water, all you hear is other people screaming of unhappiness, you see many people dead, you are hungry, it sinks, you want to go outside, well, folks, welcome to the life of a battery hen. Just for the moment of imagination you have already felt some pain. These eggs we need and I understand that, eggs are an important ingredient for cake, bread, cookies, donuts, scones, and many other fine treats made with eggs. 300 million hens languish in cages in just the U.S. These hens live in cages so abusive that many countries have banned the use of them but the united states continues to use them. The hens are not provided with any nesting materials, and according to the book “Raising Chickens” the hens need a nesting material. When chickens get stressed they lose their feathers, so these chickens have lost feathers so it is now easier to get an infection.

 

[debilorrah]

Your first sentence is a run on sentence. Break it up a bit.... maybe a period after the first statementand elminate the work so. It still says SINK instead of STINK. Comma after imagination. Period after I understand that. Take out "made with eggs" at the end of the sentence. Replace abusive with constrictive. Comma after "them". ....the hens need nesting materials..... Instead of lost feathers, maybe say ...are bald, making infection more likely.

I hope you don't mind. I do this stuff for a living.