So completely aggravated :(

[Cara]

As some of you might know, i've been trying to sell my horse. DH has a gelding that he hasn't handled in a year, so I asked him if he'd like me to try and sell him also. He said yes, so I got some good pictures of the horse together, edited them, dug out his papers and advertised the horse on four or five different websites. We've had quite a few inquiries, but DH couldn't act more inconvenienced. I've been replying to e-mails for him and fielding telephone calls, and he can't even be bothered to give interested people a call back. If I remind him to call them, as I have told them that he would, i'm nagging. Apparently I did it all wrong and should have put our phone number in the advertisement, even though he's gone all day and goes to bed at 8.30. He won't call them because it might run up our phone bill, it's up to them to call us. I just gave up tonight and told him he can handle it from here, apparently I can't do anything right. If he wants to ruin any chances of a sale, that's up to him.

To make matters worse, i've only had one inquiry about my horse. She's not going to be an easy sale, and these people were interested in her previously when we changed our minds about selling her. They called on Friday evening, and were going to call on Saturday when they were headed this way. He called them without even discussing it with me and told them we'd be gone until late evening so they couldn't come. That wasn't the case at all, we were going to be back shortly after lunch. I haven't heard from them since.

I am just so completely frustrated. If I offer to do him a favour, he won't do the slightest thing to make my life easier. I offered to take his dog into the vet last month for her booster, as he was planning on breeding her. Not my job, but I knew if I didn't he wouldn't. I asked him to call the vet to check when he would be around (he's a large animal vet). He didn't, and when I told him that if he wanted it doing he better call him because I needed to know when I was going, he lost his temper and told me that he wasn't indebted to me just because I was doing him a favour. If I ask for any help, it's a great ordeal and if he doesn't want to do it he comes up with an injury or illness so he doesn't have to. He spends just about every minute that he's home on his computer playing games, and is aggravated if I interrupt him and he has to pause it to talk to me. It's just not fair.

I go days without seeing anyone else. We live in a very isolated place, and my family are in another country. I don't have any friends here that aren't animals, my dog is comforting me tonight. I don't have anyone I can call, everyone that I know is his family or friends. It feels so oppressive at times, as his mood affects my entire day. I can't just go out for a while and take my mind off it, i'm stuck here at home. I can't find a job because we're so far from anywhere and I haven't worked in so long now that I have no current references. I'm sorry for rambling on, I just feel so alone,

 

[debilorrah]

1) He doesnt really want to sell the horse
2) He is addicted to a game, much like we are addicted to BYC.
3) Live and breath BYC for a bit and see how he likes it.

 

[kandyg_99]

It will be okay We are here if you need to vent....

 

[SOchick]

Stop doing him favors for a while, and see if there is a community center or some kind of club that meets in your area so you will be able to go out and meet people and make new friends.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Wow, you don't sound like you are married---more like roommates, and ones who are not getting along all that well.

My horse, his horse, my dog, his dog, his job/chore, my job/chore, etc. Spouses learn to say OUR, and to share: work, play, time, pets, etc. I think you both need marriage counseling. You need to build or rebuild the bonds that make you a unit, not just two people related by a marriage certificate.

You need to forge your own relationships, not just become a part of his. Become friends with some of his family members--go to lunch with a sister-in-law and chat about anything and everything except family. Or your mother-in-law, same rules, no family talk. Get to know her hobbies, interests, etc, and share yours. Strike up a friendship with a neighbor. Etc.

If DH want you to sell the horse, the whole deal is yours to handle--make sure he agrees to that or don't do any of it (and I agree with the poster who said that he may well not want to sell it). Ditto for dog shots or whatever. Think about how you ask him to do things. You have to be nice, not giving orders, and you need to give him same notice, not expect immediate action. You haven't said how you make requests, but from what you say, I expect that you are feeling powerless, and he feels that, and reacting. Say something like, "Honey, I need xxxx, couple you please do it for me after dinner?" Or "DH, I need help with yyyyy; I can't do it by myself, when can we do it together?"

We're here for you.

 

[hikerchick]

You sound so lonely and isolated- like a prisoner. Do you have a car? I would get in and start driving and stop when I get someplace fun- anyplace where there are people will do. I feel for you.

 

[Whispering Winds]

Oh honey, all I can say is, he's a man.

 

[toredano]

I am sorry to hear all of this. Your husband is very selfish and doesnt have respect for you at all. Beeing married is "US" not his or hers. Why would you let him treat you this way? You guys need to talk about the problems you are having.You need to make clear to him that you are not his doormat and maid,and that he needs to be a man and do what needs to be done around the house. Just because he works and you dont doesnt give him the right to act like this.
Sit his butt down and tell him how you feel, ask him to be more involved with issues. If he doesnt, that should be a clear indicator that he doesnt care, is to imature to see where this is heading and obviously doesnt respect and appreciate you or the things you do for him.

If he thinks he can handle everthing there is to handle.. let him.. you do what you need to do and let him see how far he gets with thinking this way.Dont do him any favors, let him take care of things. If he he can do better than you.. let him..

and why cant you go out of the house during the day? Why are you stuck there during the day? if you dont need to work , go take some classes on whatever strikes your fancy.. or go and call a old highschool friend and meet for coffee.( female that is )
Or find a part time job.. or work from home maybe?
You cannot keep sitting in the house all day thinking about how bad he makes you feel. Do some stuff on your own and realize that there is more to this than beeing his maid and door mat.
I am sorry to be so blunt but this just gets me so stinking mad that men think they can treat woman like dirt sometimes. I had an ex like that.. thats why he is an ex now.
Now I have been married for allmost 20 years and this man worships the ground I walk on. And I love him to death. We share the money, the chores, responsibiltys, we talk about our probems, bills ect..

Iam not sure how happy you are in this marriage.. but it sounds like me 20 years ago and if this is something you want to work out.. talk to him about it. Try counceling or talk to someone that is impartial. But if there is more to this , and only you will know this in your heart.. then there is help out there.You dont need to live like this at all.

I dont mean to dog on you.. far from it . You prolly didnt want to hear this but maybe you needed to hear it.


Petra

 

[2chickenrich]

Where are you from ? you need to go back there. If the husband or wife works and the other dosen't then the one at home should keep the household work done without thinking they are being put out to do it. If you work hard you should be able to relax and play what ever you want when you get home .
You are lonely and you should go back to your family.
It dosen't sound like you like him very much.
listen to him and see how he feels about his life.

 

[Cara]

It's kind of a mess. I need to work, but we're so far from town. It's about 52 miles to the nearest town, and three hours to the nearest big town. I gave up my job when we got married to move here. Now we're trying to get by on about $1000 a month and it's tough. We share a vehicle, his was on its last legs so we traded both of ours against a newer one.

I really couldn't give a crap whether we sell his horse or not. (He's 'his' because he had him before we got married, I never have anything to do with him). He's not on our feedbill and can spend the next 20 yrs in the pasture if he wants. He ordered an expensive custom made saddle that is now on layaway and needs paying off, and I suggested that since he didn't have time to ride the horse we should try selling him to help pay off his saddle. I don't think the issue is that he doesn't want to, I think he's just too lazy to call people back.

It did come across in my OP as if I tell him rather than ask him, but that's after several days of asking or reminding. He seems to think that since I don't work I have all the time in the world, and can drop whatever i'm doing to help him out. Most of the time i'm offering because I know if I don't do it, it won't get done. Sometimes it's not all that important, but the pregnant dog really needed her shots up to date. And I just know whose job it will be to find them homes, even though I never wanted them.

We don't spend any together time. He's gone when I get up, naps when he's back at lunchtime, then spends most of the evening in his man cave. I have to go in there to make conversation with him. There was one occasion when I made dinner and he took it back into his cave to eat, and I thought I was going to beat him with the skillet. He doesn't want to do anything at the weekend because he's too tired. We don't even do the grocery shopping together anymore, and a month's food for us and five dogs isn't a light load. It takes me all day to get groceries, it's three hours each way to the store.

Part of it is finances, we can't afford to go out on dates, but that's not what I want. Going trail riding together doesn't cost us a penny. He doesn't want to because he rides all week, and when we do go he runs off and leaves me because he's bored. I'm scared, I don't like going fast. It usually ends in an argument.

We could go to the lake that's not 5 miles away, but he doesn't want to do that either. I have to nag him into doing anything, which usually takes the fun out of it before we've even started. If he doesn't want to do something he's in such a bad mood that I don't want to either.

I do spend time with his stepmother, and I guess she's dealing with the same thing. They both mean well and have good hearts, but could do with a kick up the behind. She's given up asking FIL to do things, she just does it herself or we do it together.