trainfullachickens14's thread for funny stories and stuff!

[trainfullachickens14]

Hi all!
Like the name implies, this is a place where you can post funny stories and other funny stuff for all to see! They can be true, they can be made up, they can be whatever you want as long as they fall within the BYC guidelines. btw, if you post a story from another site or a book or something, make sure that it's not copyrighted and that you credit the source and creator if necessary

I'll start...

In high school, I needed money. I was able to drive, had a girlfriend, and like to go out with my friends. My folks didn't have much money and I needed to pay my own way.
I had already done jobs working at restaurants and grocery stores and wanted to try something more interesting. While searching around, I stopped at the zoo.

As it turned out, the zoo director liked my style and said he had an interesting job that he felt I could handle. We walked through the back alleys and tunnels of the zoo that most people never see until we got to the gorilla cage. But, it was empty.

The director told me that their gorilla named Kong had caught a bug and was in quarantine for the next week. Kong was getting old and they were even now shopping around for a replacement since Kong just sits on a tree branch holding onto a rope all day. When the crowds started arriving on the weekend, they'd be disappointed to have no gorilla since everyone enjoys the gorilla exhibit, even a boring old gorilla.

The director said he had a gorilla suit I could wear if I would be interested in sitting on the branch for 4 hours at a time so the people would at least have something to look at. It sounded good to me, not the usual high school job, so I told him I would.

The next day I went to the zoo, put on the gorilla suit and climbed into the cage. I sat on the branch holding the rope and soon there was a crowd of children pressing their faces to the bars. It didn't take long for me to start getting bored, so I would scratch my armpits, thump my chest, and twirl the rope. About an hour passed and I began to really get into this gorilla stuff. I would grab the rope and swing across the cage. The kids thought it was great so I started swinging higher and higher.

In the next cage there was a lion and he was becoming irritated by my antics and began to pace his cage and roar. I kept swinging and started to swing to the lion's side of the cage and would use my feet to push off of his bars. I could really swing out far and he roared even louder. It was actually pretty fun and the kids were really enjoying the show.

All of a sudden I missed the bars, flew through, and dropped right into the lion's cage! I landed on my back and was stunned but immediately got up and ran to the front of the cage to the crowd, screaming "Help me, help me, I'm not who you think I am!"

Just as I yelled, the lion jumped on my back and knocked me to the ground. His head was at my neck and I was sure I'd never make it to graduation. Then he whispered in my ear, "Shut up stupid, or you'll get us both fired".
(www.boyscouttrail.com Job at the Zoo story)

 

[trainfullachickens14]

*Revive... hopefully*

I have another one, I hope this thread won't die again.

Top This One For A Speeding Ticket in Kingsville , TX

Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Hwy 77, just south of Kingsville , TX .

One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville . The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing.


The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the Mesquite tree tops on Hwy 77 revealed that the radar had in fact, locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near it's Naval Air home base location in Kingsville TX.

Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus Christi, the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down his equipment.



The reply came back in true USMC style:



"Thank you for your letter....

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment's location.

Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position on the side of Hwy 77,south. of Kingsville .

The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when swearing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.

Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster."

Semper fi​

 

[RPer98]