I feel bad about writing this out. But I am at a loss as to what direction, if any I should take. This is about my MIL, whom I love and respect. But her increasing bizarre behavior has be questioning her mind. Honestly, I love her and I am not being catty..she and I have had our "moments" but what MIL/DIL relationship doesn't?
I have noticed that in the past few years she's had episodes of very strange behavior. Some of it seems to be forgetfullness, and some of it is just plain old weird. I am thinking Altzheimers, or dimensia...I have worked with them as patients when I was a caregiver. But I have never been a family member watching someone go down hill. This woman is only 63 years old -- not old by a long shot. I am going to share a few of these situations with you for illustration. If you have had experience with a loved one and seen equally strange behavior will you tell me how you handled it. I am worried about her.
The following happened very recently:
1) We were planting a large garden, which I have experience at and she doesn't. MIL was very excited about the garden and got a Veggie Gardening book. She asked me numerous questions on how to sow the seeds, how deep, how far apart, ect. She would also check her book for the same information. We had discussed, very specifically, what to plant. Carrots was a no brainer. Carrot seeds being so tiny I told her in conversation # 1 to mix the carrot seeds with light soil or sand and sprinkle them in the row -- ephasizing this to her so that we'd get an even planting. In conversation #2 she called me about a week later, telling me how she read in her book how to plant carrot seeds and have them be even. In this conversation I was suprised because she acted like she didn't remember me giving her the nearly exact same information, but, oh well at least now she really understood. In conversation #3 I was really sick (being newly pregnant and on a lot of medications) I realized I couldn't go plant with her. So I gave her the seeds, reminded her (again) what her book said, I provided the sand to mix the seeds with even! And she seemed to understand fully and off she went to plant the carrots.
So, about three hours later she calls me and proceeds to tell me "wow those carrot seeds are so tiny, it got so tedious trying to plant them one by one. I don't think i want to plant them again. I just ended up doing the best I could." Ok??? I was kinda shocked and didn't couldn't bring myself to remind her of our other conversations. I was pretty dumbfounded by the whole thing.
2) She watched my 3-year-old daughter, Hannah, when I have to work sometimes. Now we live only a few minutes from the In Laws and see them often. They've been a part of our daughters life since she was born. My point is that they see her and babysit her a lot, including duties such as discipline, feeding, ect. So one day I needed her to watch Hannah and she offered to take her the next day too. So Hannah went over in the evening after dinner, and stayed until 3pm the next day. So about 23 hours total at MIL's house. When I got there to pick her up the next day, Hannah ran to me and told me "Mommy when can I have dinner?? I am so hungry". I kinda laughed and said soon. MIL came up to me and explained why Hannah was so hungry. She told me that Hannah had refused breakfast that morning, only eating two bites of oatmeal. Kind of unusual for my daughter, but kids being kids will try and pull stuff over on people they see might buy into it, even if the person is in their life a lot. So then MIL says that Hannah also refused lunch. By this time I was really surprised. So I asked MIL how she "refused" and she told me she "just wouldn't eat, so I didn't give her any snacks and she had about one bite of cheese with her lunch.".... Ok, so by now I am getting angry. and I say "Why didn't you give her a consequence? a Time out was in order or something!" And she gets defensive and tells me it's "not her job to force Hannah to eat". Ummm Ok??!? And the kicker to this -- Hannah drinks water frequently at my house. But at MIL house she is only given beverages at meal times -- so that meant that Hannah had refused food and therefore also forfeited fluid too. I was angry! In almost 24 hours she'd had two bites of cereal, and one bite of cheese and NO water/milk/juice.
My issue other than shock that MIL didn't step up (which she has before and disciplined Hannah very effectively), was that she thought it was ok for a 3 year old to have basically nothing to eat or drink in that amount of time. My DH was furious when I told him and he had a talk with his Mom about disciplining her and consistency. Both of which she has always done OK with.
3) My MIL isn't the most fab cook out there, but she does have a few family recipes that are outstanding. One of which is her from-scratch Manacotti. This elaborate recipe includes her making the manacotti crepes herself. It is a long time family favorite and something we can request on our Birthday or whatever. Long story shot she's made this recipe for about 40+ years-- not a new recipe. So my Sister-in-Law requests Manacotti for her birthday last year. But something wasn't right about the recipe. After talking to my SIL she tells me privately that instead of a home made tomato sauce for the dish she instead substituted a can of Enchilada Sauce!!! And then MIL, despite having the recipe at hand in her kitchen, defends her choice and says "I have always made my Manacotti with Red Enchilada sauce"...umm No you don't. It would be funny if it wasn't so bizarre. So this year on SIL birthday same things happens!! Nope, not joking or making this up. Mexican flavored Manacotti, again. And when my SIL talks to her about the odd tasting dish, she defends her choice again..until SIL digs out the recipe and shows it to her. Only THEN will MIL admit the mistake.
There are MORE of these stories from the past couple years..but for sake of rambling and space I think you get the picture.
I have noticed that in the past few years she's had episodes of very strange behavior. Some of it seems to be forgetfullness, and some of it is just plain old weird. I am thinking Altzheimers, or dimensia...I have worked with them as patients when I was a caregiver. But I have never been a family member watching someone go down hill. This woman is only 63 years old -- not old by a long shot. I am going to share a few of these situations with you for illustration. If you have had experience with a loved one and seen equally strange behavior will you tell me how you handled it. I am worried about her.
The following happened very recently:
1) We were planting a large garden, which I have experience at and she doesn't. MIL was very excited about the garden and got a Veggie Gardening book. She asked me numerous questions on how to sow the seeds, how deep, how far apart, ect. She would also check her book for the same information. We had discussed, very specifically, what to plant. Carrots was a no brainer. Carrot seeds being so tiny I told her in conversation # 1 to mix the carrot seeds with light soil or sand and sprinkle them in the row -- ephasizing this to her so that we'd get an even planting. In conversation #2 she called me about a week later, telling me how she read in her book how to plant carrot seeds and have them be even. In this conversation I was suprised because she acted like she didn't remember me giving her the nearly exact same information, but, oh well at least now she really understood. In conversation #3 I was really sick (being newly pregnant and on a lot of medications) I realized I couldn't go plant with her. So I gave her the seeds, reminded her (again) what her book said, I provided the sand to mix the seeds with even! And she seemed to understand fully and off she went to plant the carrots.
So, about three hours later she calls me and proceeds to tell me "wow those carrot seeds are so tiny, it got so tedious trying to plant them one by one. I don't think i want to plant them again. I just ended up doing the best I could." Ok??? I was kinda shocked and didn't couldn't bring myself to remind her of our other conversations. I was pretty dumbfounded by the whole thing.
2) She watched my 3-year-old daughter, Hannah, when I have to work sometimes. Now we live only a few minutes from the In Laws and see them often. They've been a part of our daughters life since she was born. My point is that they see her and babysit her a lot, including duties such as discipline, feeding, ect. So one day I needed her to watch Hannah and she offered to take her the next day too. So Hannah went over in the evening after dinner, and stayed until 3pm the next day. So about 23 hours total at MIL's house. When I got there to pick her up the next day, Hannah ran to me and told me "Mommy when can I have dinner?? I am so hungry". I kinda laughed and said soon. MIL came up to me and explained why Hannah was so hungry. She told me that Hannah had refused breakfast that morning, only eating two bites of oatmeal. Kind of unusual for my daughter, but kids being kids will try and pull stuff over on people they see might buy into it, even if the person is in their life a lot. So then MIL says that Hannah also refused lunch. By this time I was really surprised. So I asked MIL how she "refused" and she told me she "just wouldn't eat, so I didn't give her any snacks and she had about one bite of cheese with her lunch.".... Ok, so by now I am getting angry. and I say "Why didn't you give her a consequence? a Time out was in order or something!" And she gets defensive and tells me it's "not her job to force Hannah to eat". Ummm Ok??!? And the kicker to this -- Hannah drinks water frequently at my house. But at MIL house she is only given beverages at meal times -- so that meant that Hannah had refused food and therefore also forfeited fluid too. I was angry! In almost 24 hours she'd had two bites of cereal, and one bite of cheese and NO water/milk/juice.
My issue other than shock that MIL didn't step up (which she has before and disciplined Hannah very effectively), was that she thought it was ok for a 3 year old to have basically nothing to eat or drink in that amount of time. My DH was furious when I told him and he had a talk with his Mom about disciplining her and consistency. Both of which she has always done OK with.
3) My MIL isn't the most fab cook out there, but she does have a few family recipes that are outstanding. One of which is her from-scratch Manacotti. This elaborate recipe includes her making the manacotti crepes herself. It is a long time family favorite and something we can request on our Birthday or whatever. Long story shot she's made this recipe for about 40+ years-- not a new recipe. So my Sister-in-Law requests Manacotti for her birthday last year. But something wasn't right about the recipe. After talking to my SIL she tells me privately that instead of a home made tomato sauce for the dish she instead substituted a can of Enchilada Sauce!!! And then MIL, despite having the recipe at hand in her kitchen, defends her choice and says "I have always made my Manacotti with Red Enchilada sauce"...umm No you don't. It would be funny if it wasn't so bizarre. So this year on SIL birthday same things happens!! Nope, not joking or making this up. Mexican flavored Manacotti, again. And when my SIL talks to her about the odd tasting dish, she defends her choice again..until SIL digs out the recipe and shows it to her. Only THEN will MIL admit the mistake.
There are MORE of these stories from the past couple years..but for sake of rambling and space I think you get the picture.
