Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[bdcraw]

Believe me, I am not strong. We had no choice but to endure our son's deployments. Just had to figure it out as we went. And I don't believe that your daughter will not find another wonderful young man again when she's ready. I know it's hard to accept that it won't be the one she had, I get that!, but I do truly think she will meet Mr. Right one day and he will be just that...right for her. My daughter tells me that she and her ex matured quite a bit during the 4 yrs they were together. They had a much better idea of what they wanted at the end than they did when they first starting dating. Your daughter will no doubt grow and change in the years to come. Our twenties are a huge time of self-discovery. As you've said, she's young, she's got nothing but time and youth on her side. One thing we must never let go of is hope for our children's lives. Hope that they will be healthy, happy and successful in whatever roads they travel.
And don't let friends' lack of understanding of your situation get you down. You have every right to process this loss in the way that you need to. True, it's not the worse thing that could happen to us, but it's a loss none the less and it's painful. There's nothing silly or trivial about a broken heart and a feeling of being lost and lonely. Just know that it will get better. You will find your rhythm again and learn to enjoy a new kind of routine in your life. As we've always heard, One day at a time my friend...

 

[connie1966]

I hope your right ! The reason I say she won't find anyone is only because the kids today are not serious at least here in canada it's all about partying zbd living at home until 30 especial with Italians ! Even the girls are not serious these days so it's hard out there ! He was living kind loyal generous respectful he accepted her for who she was and she has a character but she kept trying to change him she expects everyone to be like her including me anyway maybe he's better off finding someone who could appreciate him for who is is ,

 

[bdcraw]

Well, as I said, she's still young. She has lots of time to grow and mature before getting serious. It sounds like he is a little ahead of her in that respect. I'm sorry it didn't work out. There are times when I wish my daughter had never had this serious relationship, but then I realize that's only because of the hurt I'm feeling, and it shouldn't be about me. They both stated that neither regrets the 4 yrs they were together. And I'm glad that we got to have this young man in our lives for a time. Just so hard to let go of the all the plans I thought would happen. He'll make someone a great husband and will be a wonderful dad one day. And I'm sure my daughter will meet someone else who will be too, when she's ready.
And we still have a 30 yrs old son living us...and we're not Italian!! lol I tease him sometimes that we should change our last name to something Italian. hehe He works long hours and is paying off a truck note. Then I think he'll find a place.

 

[connie1966]

Haha that's too funny but I'm sure he's self sufficient the Italian boys here don't even know how to tie a Garbage bag the parents spoil them , anyway I found out my daughter is seeing someone else already after telling me she wanted to stay single travel bla bla bla I'm in shock I just hope her x doesn't find out he will be so hurt he's just starting to feel better

 

[Demi13]

Connie and bdcraw you both have helped me soooo much! I have been talking to myself in the shower for the past 2 weeks having this exact conversation. Connie, I'm going through the same thing as you are and BCcraw you are what I say back to myself in the shower! I feel so nuts right now, so thank you both for sharing. Now I know that how I'm feeling is legitimate, and the advise I've been giving myself is right. My daughter broke up with her boyfriend,of 4 years, 6 days before Christmas. He too was family and she was family to his family. The sense of loss is so real and I'm working on it, can't wait for the pain to fade with time. Your conversation has helped me a lot....Thank you!

 

[connie1966]

Your not nuts at all and it is legitimate but not everyone understands unless they go through it, some people never get that attached to their children's boyfriends or girlfriends how I envy them! But never again !! I have learned from this , the pain has faded a little but not completely I still miss him everyday, I just hope he's ok .
e mail me if you ever need to talk

 

[newfoundland]

Something strange has happened to our young people over the last 30 years or so. I think it has been caused by the raising of the school leaving age and the endless drive for all youngsters to go on to further education. When my husband left school he was nearly 14 and went to work straight away. He handed his weekly wages over to his mum, keeping a little back for bus fares and a trip to the cinema. I stayed at school until a mature 16, but I also gave all my wages except for fares and lunches to my mum. We both went to night school to continue studying and improve our prospects. I was 20 when we married and took out a mortgage and 22 when my eldest was born.

It seems to me that these days, a 22 year old is usually still a student, whereas we had been at work for years by this age. We were infinitely more mature and were self-supporting from being children really. Gap years for us meant the years when our children were too tiny for us to work and we therefore had a gap in our working lives. We did manage to travel a bit when our children were young by doing extra jobs and scrimping and saving so we could camp around Europe in our precious 2 week holidays. At the age of 30 we were not only caring for a growing family but beginning to take responsibility for increasing frail parents.

Responsibility is what many young people lack these days. We parents have pampered them and smoothed their path, providing for them long after we should have stopped. I am afraid it is us who have created this monster, so to speak!

 

[connie1966]

So true ! How times have changed

 

[bdee]

I have read a lot of stories about not getting over your daughters ex and I can totally relate to this. I'm having a terrible time for I feel like I lost one of my own children. Does it get better?

 

[connie1966]

a little better but its been almost 9 months and i think about it everyday actually yesterday i went for a walk and passed by my old place where he lived with us and i walked and cried the whole way! i don't know people think im not normal but for me its still fresh time means nothing when you love someone he was my boy , i think of how much he suffered how abandoned and rejected he must of felt and it kills me . i miss him terribly, you cant just stop loving someone because your child did, we had a special bond , its hard to accept that he will never be a part of my life again were total strangers now, its sad.