Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[connie1966]

I am officially meeting her boyfriend tomorrow, i have been crying everyday im so not ready i feel like im betraying him

im sure the new guy is sweet but im not sure how il be with him im not a fake person so im worried about tomorrow, im usually a type who makes people feel comfertable right away im not sure i can do that, im doing this for my daughter to make her happy god help me

 

[bdcraw]

Connie, I've met my daughter's new bf too and while he is a wonderful young man (my daughter would not waste her time on anyone who wasn't) I'm not letting myself get attached this time. They've been dating less than a year and most of that has been long distance, so it's been easy for me to keep my distance from the relationship too. They are both having a good time and seem to like each other and that's all I need to know. Niether are interested, nor in a position, to make any long term commitments right now. So, I'll think of the young man as a member of my family, if and when he ever becomes one. Lesson learned. I hope your time with the new boyfriend goes well. We have to remember it's their life after all. As moms of adult children, we become mostly observers, saving advice when it's asked for. Good luck dear lady

 

[wyoDreamer]

I am officially meeting her boyfriend tomorrow, i have been crying everyday im so not ready i feel like im betraying him

im sure the new guy is sweet but im not sure how il be with him im not a fake person so im worried about tomorrow, im usually a type who makes people feel comfertable right away im not sure i can do that, im doing this for my daughter to make her happy god help me

I don't think anyone expects you to take him into your heart and treat him like a long lost son.
He is coming over to meet you. So welcome him into your home and treat him kindly. He is a friend of your daughters, treat him kindly and trust her to live her life and know her heart. Be aware that she may be looking for your approval, but really, all you need to do is treat him kindly and make him feel welcome as you would for any friend of hers. It will be hard, but please, don't compare him to the angel you think she lost.
I was judged as not acceptable by my mother-in-law, and it is hard to be judged as not acceptable. Luckily, DH's step father told her not to interfere. Eventually, she came to accept me and actually told me that I was the best thing that ever happened to her son.

 

[connie1966]

Thank ypu both fpr helping me with this situation and putting it in perspective for me it is her life and i will treat him kindly for sure , i have to think hes her friend and just relax and i do not want him to feel like hes not good enough il keep you posted!

 

[connie1966]

We didnt end up meeting we rescheduled for my birthday supper on the 18th!

 

[leelea]

I am so glad i found this, my daughter broke up with her boyfriend a week ago he lived with us for 2 years and i am devastated cant stop crying, feel like its my break up and i don't know why, i thought i was just being silly so i am glad to know its not just me but right now i feel like down and don't know what to do , my partner doesn't understand why i am so upset but he didn't have the bond i have with him because he worked away from home most of the time its just so hard

 

[connie1966]

Your not being silly at all and no one will ever undertstand i keep trying to explain but i guess unless ypu ho through that expearirnce you cant understand , its been 15 months i think of him everyday i cry practically everyday , first couple of months is the hardest , i met my daughters new boyfriend last satutday i had panic attacks and anxiety for a week before felt like i was betraying my x son in law .. I an still having a hard time accepting this is the reality and its over

 

[steph3434]

A newbie here...
I googled "daughter breaking up with boyfriend" and found myself here reading all this wisdom and feeling less alone.
My situation is far different, but still painful.
My daughter is 13 and her boyfriend is 13 as well. Some of you might be laughing already or shaking your heads...but this is a bit different...
My girl is nerdy and chunky and she's an amazing writer and brilliant student. Last January 2014, she started dating her boyfriend. One day it just blossomed. She liked him and didn't tell her and then he liked her but didn't tell her then suddenly WHAM. They are a couple. Unlike a lot of middle school romances, this one is different because of the people involved. He lost his dad when he was young. He's very very cute. He is sincere and polite and caring and adoring. He's called my daughter beautiful and let her sleep on his shoulder when she was tired after a dance. He's smart and funny. He also has ADHD and his step further just violently assaulted his mom and now they're going through a divorce.
My daughter in her infinite wisdom feels suddenly embarrassed by some of his quirks she never minded. Additionally, she thinks she might be interested in girls now....a whole other issue...anyway, for 10 months we've been caring for this boy...And I can't tell you how well he's fit into our weird family. Like a missing piece. It's such a bad time to end things...And he just said last week he planned to date our girl through high school...at least. My husband and I would love that. However, I'm coming to terms with my daughter's choice to let him go as a boyfriend....but again, I just can't help but feel like the timing is so tough...I asked my daughter to wait a month...see if she changed her mind....at first she agreed but now she's losing her patience. I don't want him hurt, I feel like he's an amazing boy for her. No kissing...He's so respectful...just so many incredible qualities I feel like she's missing because she's young. I don't even know where I'm going with this except that I feel like I'm missing sometime I care about and I know they are soooo young...but it's still one of those things that really makes me sad. Thank you for having a place where I felt like I could share.

 

[connie1966]

Trust me i get it we fet attached were moms not only to our kids , breaks your heart to think ge will hurt especially in his family circumstance.. Poor kid .. They are young though ..who knows maybe in the future. This thinking she likes girls is a new trend these says it will probably pass, hang in there just take it say by day there is nothing we can do u fortunatly

yesterday would have been my daughters 4 year anniversary it sucks! I still niss him every single day ge was like my son how do we hust stop loving soneone because our kids do .. Anyways like i said we have to teach ourselves to let go of the people we cant live without.. My x son in law wrote those words to a mutual friend who was going through a breakup and asked him for advice , il post his words,
Him

Just know that you will get through this and that although it hurts now, and probably will for the next 3 months or so, you will get through it! Youll become a better version of who you are right now, trust me.. I know it sucks, your minds going crazy, you have that achy feeling in your stomach, you dont want to do anything but pity yourself in bed, and you just want to go back to the way it was but eventually it all stops.. Youre strong and you will get through this.. Use this as motivation. Dont hate him because hate causes nothing but pain, learn from it and move on, learn to accept change, teach yourself to let go of everything you cant live without.. Id like to talk to you and comfort you more, the way a friend should, but i cant, i hope you understand. And stick with leila, shes a good girl with a head on her shoulders, if anyone can help you get through this its her.

Leilas ny daughter by the way.. Im happy i got a hlimpse of what he webt through abd where hes at it kinda helps, i read this to my daughter she cried like a baby for wgat she put him through abd shes happy he doesnt hate her .

He has grown so much as a person he gas ve ome a man i have so nuch respect for him

 

[connie1966]

Sorry about spelling im getting ready for work no time