Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[No easy answer]

Connie, I know you are right. Everyone says the same thing to me. I just miss the man I thought would be my son in law. I have only one child and I thought he was someone I could trust to be her anchor in this world. we opened our home and hearts to him, and we invested our time to someone who just walked away. How does someone do that? its nice to finally get this off my chest!

 

[Am I mad 66]

Do you know what really helps me? It's when I read something that everyone on here writes, such as, it's not my relationship and yet I'm devastated, or, no-one understands , or I know he wasn't good for my daughter so why do I still feel like is. And last of all, you just said seeing something on LinkedIn - for me that is the absolute worst. I am back to the very beginning of the pain when I do that. Just now, about 8 days without looking and feel so much better, also not contacting him as that just sets you up for pain.

I think time will make it better, and when you're daughter starts to feel better. 1 day at a time, and don't look for things about him.

Xx

 

[No easy answer]

It definitely helps to read past posts. This situation is so fresh and it helps to find out that I'm not the only one going through this! It's funny, but I was sitting in my car last night up at the base the x was stationed at during his time in our area (don't worry Im not so far gone that I am revisiting places the guy was at, but I was shopping at the base exchange) when it hit me. I feel guilty... Wow what an eye opener! Maybe I don't really miss him, but am confusing feeling like I could have been more accepting of him with the loss of him as a son. You are right, I have to stop looking at any social media and put away any pictures I have of them as a couple. Man, this stuff is exhausting!!

 

[Am I mad 66]

You're right, it's exhausting. I was paying for something today and had to put my password in. My password for this particular thing is the first foreign holiday we all had together. And so there came that sinking feeling, never again will we holiday. It will probably be like that for a long time, regular reminders which will get less frequent (hopefully!).

Remember when you are crying and feeling bad that the next day might be better x

 

[No easy answer]

That's what I'm counting on!! I know what you mean about being blindsided by small silly stuff. I'm trying to own all my stuff again. Our favorite restaurants, beautiful songs that were to be playing during the ceremony that are constantly on the radio right because of Valentines Day, our guest room he used to sleep in, the favorite haunts we frequented. We shared them all with him. Over the holidays it seemed like he was everywhere!

Somethings can't be purged. Those things I try to avoid and create new memories. New restaurants, new adventures, new life. I think if I show her there are new and interesting things and places she might come out of her she'll and brighten up again. She can make a new and different life for herself...with us in the shadows supporting her.

Even still, it's hard.

 

[No easy answer]

need some help ladies. Back at square one. The washing machine flooded the house. The first thought that went through my mind once we all calmed down was I wish the x would come back, everything was ok when he was here. I've cried off and on, I even voice it out loud. My husband was shocked that that's where my mind went. Can't shake it off.

 

[connie1966]

Its normal but try not to voice it! I make sauce and think of him i hang clothes and think of him i listen to music think of him go to the store think of him its normal , i could say try to not think of it or let go but i know its not that easy , but just try to put things in perspective realise its over nothing you can do or say will change that, hes moving on , i cried for 1 1/2! Everday! For what? What did i acomplish? He hates ne now abd i got depressed and anxious thats all i acomplished, just stay distracted as much as possible it takes a few months for it to get better

 

[No easy answer]

Thanks Connie, you're great! This site is a lifesaver!

 

[Am I mad 66]

Connie is right, sometimes it's all I can think about but that's getting less often. Very rarely voice it to my husband now as I think he would think I was mad. Certainly he wouldn't understand it. And why we he when we don't even understand it ourselves? So sorry you're having such a bad time just now. I think more often now I'm think
Ing he wasn't actually worthy of our family and that's helping.

Keeping writing, I think it's what got me through these worst days.

Xx

 

[No easy answer]

Am I Mad 66, thanks! I was kind of surprised that it was not only the first thing I thought of but I actually said it. all day today I thought about him coming back and apologizing to my daughter and all was well. I am so tired of these conflicting emotions, it's draining. I know if he came back, something would happen and they would split up again. It's better this way. I have got to find a way to get over this! Talking helps and re reading the posts. It's like therapy, just talking it out until it goes away...I hope. I used to be should a strong woman, everyone came to me with problems. No one get this part of me.