Daughter broke up with boyfriend and I'm the one depressed!

[Flock Master64]

I checked my daughters exes instagram hes private but last i saw it said 53 posts and i saw 54 so i asked a friend to go check what the new pic is and she sent me a pic with a girl!! He has a new girlfriend! The caption said im all yours

oh my god it kilked me i prayed for him to find someone and be loved and be happy hes so deserving but it really affected me im having a hard time processing this new reality

I'm so sorry

 

[connie1966]

Your so sweet! Thank you!

 

[Coffeeluvr]

Hi Connie,
I haven't posted since last August, but I check this blog occasionally.
It's amazing how it can still throw your emotions into a bit of turmoil isn't it? I do know that feeling- you want him happy and not pining away, but it's still a kick in the gut to see a picture with the new girlfriend.
My daughter's ex opted to get back with his college girlfriend when he went back to school last fall. He asked my daughter for her advice before he did it. He told her that this girl is crazy, but that she's on medication now and wants to work it out. My daughter told him that he should learn to be alone and this girl sounded like too much work.
My daughter was irritated and disappointed in him. She believes that he can't stand being alone and that this is the best he can get at his tiny school.
Unfortunately, he didn't visit us at Christmas. I believe that he won't while he has another girlfriend. It's his version of loyalty, I guess.
He never tweets anything nice about her. His only one was about her wasting money.

So, I'm really trying not to be hopeful about the near future. He had planned to bring his girlfriend here for a short visit last summer, so I presume he'll do that this year.

While it hurts all the time still, I don't sink as much as I used to since he complained about this girl to us. So I guess I don't feel cut out and can be a bit skeptical about her.

Meanwhile, my daughter has made very bad choices with boys in college. She's been humbled, as I predicted 2 years ago.

I do wish you well, Connie. I just remind myself every single day that this is the price we pay for loving all of our kids. You never "get over it" but you just get used to it.

Take care,
Coffeeluvr

 

[connie1966]

Its nice to know you understand exactly what it is i felt , people tell me you should be happy for him yes i am i prayed for this but it killed me , I'm doing better now i realised my daughtets not the reason hes hurting anymore and that she was his first love and that will never change , its so hard cause im still affected and he doesnt care about me especially now having started this new chapter in his life. Anyway il try to take it day by day , your daughters ex will eventually learn from this and hopefully your daughter finds someone amazing! I will never again get attached to anyone , take care and thank you for responding Nobody else did

 

[Coffeeluvr]

Hi Connie,
I hope you're doing well today.
Brief update I wanted to share: found out my daughter's ex texted her a few months ago. They had several conversations catching up on each others' experiences, immediate as well as graduate school plans, and where they each might want to go to grad school. He slipped in a question asking whether she had a boyfriend or not.
No mention of his girlfriend.
I happened to be visiting my daughter recently when, out of the blue, he texts me. He had a professional question for me.
I was having trouble with my phone, so my daughter took it from me to "help" me reply.
So, I am feeling better that he will continue to check in periodically. And now I know a little about what he's doing, and that he still has the same values as she does and they did together.
I always meant to tell him that I want and expect him to ask for help anytime he needs it- whatever he needs. So that was satisfying to be able to finally do.
It all felt so normal...he told me he'd brought his girlfriend into our town for a few days, which briefly irritated me. But, then it somehow made her seem less permanent.

Anyway, I feel better than when I last posted.

Thanks for listening,
Coffeeluvr

 

[Leigh1111]

Thank you for posting this!! I feel like I have lost my mind. My daughter and her boyfriend broke up and they have only been together about 2 months and I am so depressed. He became such a part of our lives over such a short period of time. They are teens and I felt like his mother since he hasn't had the best home life. I am really struggling with missing and worrying about him. The pitiful thing is it's not like he is even the type of person I would have wanted her to marry but he is just a kid I got so attached to and want to see him succeed and am so worried he won't without some good influence. I hope this gets easier because right now I am just sick about it.

 

[Sad mom]

Something strange has happened to our young people over the last 30 years or so. I think it has been caused by the raising of the school leaving age and the endless drive for all youngsters to go on to further education. When my husband left school he was nearly 14 and went to work straight away. He handed his weekly wages over to his mum, keeping a little back for bus fares and a trip to the cinema. I stayed at school until a mature 16, but I also gave all my wages except for fares and lunches to my mum. We both went to night school to continue studying and improve our prospects. I was 20 when we married and took out a mortgage and 22 when my eldest was born.

It seems to me that these days, a 22 year old is usually still a student, whereas we had been at work for years by this age. We were infinitely more mature and were self-supporting from being children really. Gap years for us meant the years when our children were too tiny for us to work and we therefore had a gap in our working lives. We did manage to travel a bit when our children were young by doing extra jobs and scrimping and saving so we could camp around Europe in our precious 2 week holidays. At the age of 30 we were not only caring for a growing family but beginning to take responsibility for increasing frail parents.

Responsibility is what many young people lack these days. We parents have pampered them and smoothed their path, providing for them long after we should have stopped. I am afraid it is us who have created this monster, so to speak!

I am sitting here crying about my daughter's break up. I feel a little crazy and am afraid to confide in anyone I know. This was her first boyfriend and they dated for 1 1/2 years. He had his faults and she broke up with him in an effort to get him to change. He was super involved in school activities, and didn't have the time for her that she wanted. He also could be a little blunt. But he was very ambitious and also really involved in his church. I guess I saw him as a good catch. I became fairly close to the family too. When she became unhappy with him, I tried to counsel her on communication. In the end, I just said you have to trust your own judgment, and that;s when she broke up with him. It's been a few months since they broke up, and he now has a new girl he is interested in and she in him. My daughter feels cast aside and replaced, but honestly she is taking it better than I am. My older daughter married her high school sweetheart, so I thought this would happen with my younger one. I wasn't prepared for this not to work out. Some family members thought he was kind of weird, so I am wondering why I am this upset. I literally feel sick. I 'm not sure if this is about something deep seeded in my past too, because I feel I shouldn't be reacting this way.

 

[Sad mom]

My daughter just had to end it completely with her ex boyfriend. He was her first love and she adored his family and honestly thought they had a future together. Even after he broke up with her, he continued to communicate with her giving her hope it might work out. It was a long distance relationship (he is in the military) and she found out he was cheating almost the whole time. She wants to be mad at him, but she loved him so much. After she found out about the repeated cheating, she deleted and blocked him and all of his family from all social media and cell. She had me text his Mom and apologize for her blocking them, but she has to move on. Not only is she devasted and upset, but I am too. I married my first love and I wanted it to work out for her. She feels no one wants her. I am seriously taking it as hard as she is. I think maybe it is because I hate to see her so disappointed. I don't want her to give up on finding true love.

 

[connie1966]

Hi! Sorry just saw this! I usually get email notifications and i havent in months i decided to come see and i missed a few things! Its nice that he still wants to connect with you guys on some levell! Who knows what the future holds! As for me I feel much better i think starting hormone replacement therapy helped me a lot ! I still love and miss him always will but i could move on now i just hope hes happy! I also realized she wasn't right girl for him! Everything happens for a reason! I hope one day he will contact me to say hi!

 

[connie1966]

Thank you for posting this!! I feel like I have lost my mind. My daughter and her boyfriend broke up and they have only been together about 2 months and I am so depressed. He became such a part of our lives over such a short period of time. They are teens and I felt like his mother since he hasn't had the best home life. I am really struggling with missing and worrying about him. The pitiful thing is it's not like he is even the type of person I would have wanted her to marry but he is just a kid I got so attached to and want to see him succeed and am so worried he won't without some good influence. I hope this gets easier because right now I am just sick about it.

I know what you mean its the mommy in us who want to nurture protect and love them , i hope your doing better took me almost 4 tears to stop crying on a daily basis, just take it day by day theres not much you can do unfortunately