Did I handle this wrong? :(

[Blisschick]

Geez. Wow.

It sounds like your mom is tired, like it has been said, but it also sounds like your mom lacks self-confidence, has low-self esteem, and the ability to say "no". To me, and this is just my opinion, you mom is more worried about whether or not your sister likes her (thus letting her get her way), than she is worried about her being mad for the moment when she tells her no. The kid definitely needs boundaries, and it sounds like a cry for help. I admire you for standing up and being the adult here. Someone definitely needs to. From what little bit of family history you've told us, it sounds like ya'll have lead a rough life emotionally, if not physically, so I can see where there are issues. Trust me, my step-father is an alcoholic, and I went through some bad crap as a kid, so I have an idea of some of the family issues involved. My sister was the rebel out of us, but fortunately, most of the worst she pulled was after I got married and left. That didn't prevent me from getting sucked back into the middle of stuff, though.

You do what you have to do to straighten her out. Sometimes tough love is the best thing you can do for them.

 

[JennsPeeps]

You did well!

Be prepared for her behavior to get worse before it gets better. This is highly typical anytime there's a behavioral intervention. She'll get worse: louder, harder, more obnoxious and awful. Stay tough and rest well knowing that you have more maturity and will get through it.

 

[lnm03]

Good for you!!!! I think you handled things very well!!!!!!! It sounds like your sister needs someone to be FIRM and someone that follows through!!!!! My cousin put our family through all of this and she wanted to come live with me and my family (I am only 6 years older than her) so her mom let her and she decided I was a bigger B@#*% than her mother! She lived with us for a month and when she didnt get her way she went crying back to her mom. Sad really becasue my aunt wanted her daughter to like her so much that she let her get away with ANYTHING, awarded her for being bad and now she has a 21 year old daughter who is a s(*^ and a drug addict and a bunch of other not so nice things!!!! I hope your sister comes around soon!!!! I know its hard but sometimes people need TOUGH LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Lunachick]

Wow. I hope things improve for everyone involved in this situation. I think you did good. I liked everyone's advice and opinions too.

 

[TerryLee]

You did excellent!

Unfortunately, your mother either doesn't have, or is unwilling to use the skills to raise your sister. Your sister is looking for boundaries, she knows where those are in school, that's why she behaves there. Your mom has refused to set boundaries for her at home, and your sister will push until someone sets those boundaries for her. You did a great job at giving her exactly what she needed, boundaries, a line in the sand...cross it and there is a consequence to pay, and you followed through, GOOD JOB!

With the living situation like it is, you only have two choices, to put up with her behavior, or step in as disciplinarian. I know you don't feel that's your place, or that you should have to do that, but maybe if you give mom a push, show her what works, you two can set a united front, and mom will see that it works then she can take over.

Good Luck, you've done well.

~Terry~

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
I couldn't have said it better myself.

Psychologically and developmentally, kids crave healthy limits. They want to feel like adults care about them, and one way they learn that adults care is if adults hold them accountable.

If you need some help, please contact your sister's school. They may have resources that can help your family.

I also suggest looking into some Love and Logic training for yourself and your sister's mother.

 

[Bex]

I cannot believe this child.. She comes stomping through the house today with a big grin on her face while I'm sitting at the kitchen table. She went straight in my mom's office and said "What Becca did last night was pointless! I have until the 10th to go to the book fair. I'm just going to ask Ninny (Grandma) for money!" .. The whole reason I was asked to give her money was because my Mom & grandma did not have any to give her... So when Sarah goes asking, I honestly hope that she gets a big fat no.

I do like the Youtube idea. But I think it may be the wrong approach for her. She was not embarrassed to throw a fit in a public store, or even in front of her friend's house (who lives in townhouses - other people were outside). So with her, I believe she'd just think it was funny and cute.

 

[CrowinKing]

Well your in for a rollercoaster of fun! I'm only 29 and I have to raise a child that is not mine that gives me trouble as well! My wifes brother lives with us because his father was in a truck accident and killed when he was 10 and his mother is a total waste of space only thinks of herself! She gave the boys up as soon as she found a boyfriend like 6 months later so she could go out and party and what not! So we took the youngest he was 10 and a half when we got him and man was he a handful so disrespectful throws fits by breaking my stuff his stuff and everything. He put a golf club through his wall cause we told him he wasn't allowed to watch wrestling cause he got in trouble in school! Anyway got off track just stick with it when you tell her no make sure you stay the course! She'll figure it out! It sounds like she wants more attention!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Give her to me for a week and I promise she'll come back a changed child!

And if she was my sister and laid a single hand on my mother her butt would be so sore she wouldn't be sitting for a MONTH!

IMO a good old fashioned spanking is in order!

If she DOES manage to get $ to spend at the book fair, take whatever she brings home away from her and tell her until she starts acting like a little lady she doesn't get it back!



ETA: regarding the pictures she's drawing and the hateful messages, maybe take her to see a counselor. Find out if it's just acting out, or if she is seriously thinking of hurting someone. You made need county interference if she is seriously plotting to hurt someone.

 

[chickiebaby]

You don't say how old you are, but you are certainly handling a lot for a young person. And it also seems like all of you have had some serious difficulties in your past. Thats a lot to cope with, for all of you. And even though you feel like you've had all the problems - and it sounds like youve dealt with more than anyone whould have to - our family's roblems usually hurt us all, y'know? So that would include your little sis, who is certainly behaving badly.

Is there any way to get to a family therapist? You can usually get cheap or free therapy somewhere, especially if you are able to be flexible about where or when? You shouldn't have to deal with all of this yourself. And kids hitting their parents is never okay - any more than parents hitting their kids. One generally leads to another.

We really wish you all the very best.