Did I handle this wrong? :(

[theOEGBman]

Sounds like my aunt, just a bit younger. My aunt was pregnant at 16 and married by 17. She married a complete idiot who abused her, and they had four children. She finally moved back in with my grandma, but she does NOTHING. My grandma raises her kids, cooks for her and the kids, does everything for her. My aunt does nothing, but if you dont do something for her she complains. She rarely bathes, and sucks money out of the government. I could go on forever, but I'd advise you to keep doing what you're doing. If you dont your sister wont have a life. My aunt's kids have no respect, except for your youngest son. Her 16 year old has been smoking for a few years, and his 19 year old girlfriend live with them. They are allowed to do whatever, and Im almost positive he's into drugs. They have zero respect for anyone. Just keep doing what you are doing, she just needs someone to care. Good job by the way, it takes guts to do something like this when it could hurt your relationship with your family. Cant choose your family, you are stuck with them whether you like them or not.

*I know how that is too

*

 

[debilorrah]

I read this earlier and didn't reply, so here I am.

I think you handled the situation really well. There is absolutely nothing wrong with withholding priviledges from an overbearing, attitudinal teenager!!! In fact the more rules you set out the better they are going to act - eventually. And I wouldn't stand for her speaking to your mother or you in a negative manner. It seems that your mom will not stand up for herself, and as matter of respect because you are in her home, I feel you should. I hope this helps!!! Good luck - my teens are now 19, 19 and 17.

 

[Bex]

I am still just a teenager myself - I will be 18 in January. However, I have grown up a lot in the last few years. My fiance and I have support ourselves over the last 2 years for the most part, I am in college, etc. But, you can see why I would not want to raise her as mine now. I guess though, even if I was older, I still would not want to raise her; I didn't have her, she's not my responsibility.

We have been to counseling before (well, mainly me) and it's never really "helped". If the therapist suggests something my Mom and Sarah may say "okay" in the office, but once home no one wants to try/do it.

Quail_Antwerp, I would LOVE to give her to you for a week!! Come get here, or I'll pay shipping in a cardboard box.

chickiebaby, what you said about our problems hurting our family.. I would agree. But she has never once acted like she cared. The man who raped me during my childhood is her father (not mine) so I am sure that is hard for her to deal with. But it would be a lot easier if she would show some EMOTION and not the "I'm better than everyone else" attitude she's got going on..

I just want to figure her ou t. I wish someone had of tried to figure me out a few years back so that I didn't have to work at it all myself. Like I said previously, I don't want her to have it so hard, she doesn't have to!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Seriously, just drop that cardboard box in the mail...or ship her by bus

I can almost gaurantee that in about 2 days she'll know how good she has it and be begging to come home!

 

[hoosier]

I think you did the right thing by setting limits and standing by them. Your mom is not doing her any favors by not requiring more of her.

Just a thought though......Are you certain that she hasn't endured some sort of abuse that she hasn't told anyone about?

 

[Bex]

Hoosier, I am certain. Well, I cannot say 100%. But I can be pretty sure, at least. When her father was here, she was young (he left when she was around 2.) and I was very protective of her due to certain things. I stayed with her 24/7 almost. She was actually used as "tool".. Ie "You don't do this, and I do this to her.."

I honestly believe that she would of told someone (But, I guess she may not.. It took me years).

I think that it's more of a control thing.. and her being spoiled.. Since when I acted out.. I acted out in school too and that was because I was having problems with life in general. She does wonderfully in school. (I'm proud of her for that, btw.)

 

[hoosier]

Well done for taking her under your wing and trying to teach her. You are to be applauded.

 

[Sequin]

I am sorry you have to deal with these situations. It is never easy and emotions can be conflicting and hard to deal with. However, when you stick to your 'yes meaning yes, and your no meaning no' then things do go easier, especially as time goes on. You absolutely did the right thing. Why should you feel bad or guilty? Your sister is old enough to understand the words coming out of your mouth. You told her more than once what the consiquence would be and she made the choice to ignore that. Why would that be your fault? She made that choice and was testing you. Have you talked with your mom privately about how she feels things are going with your sister? Why she allows this to go on? Perhaps the two of you can work out a rules of the house and consequences for misconduct together; then have a family meeting to discuss these things. You might have to be the firm one and enforce the rules at the beginning. Certainly things like 'no hitting' ought to be on the list. Acting out physically is just not acceptable in society, and the best place to learn that is at home. We have the same type of thing here at our house, even with the animals. We have a Zero tolerance for physical aggression.

You are doing good, and you are doing a good thing for you mom, sister, and fiance!!

 

[Cetawin]

I missed this post or would have responded earlier. I am sorry you are having to deal with this nonsense...but do not feel guilty.


first, yes you did the right then.

second, your mother needs to take control of her household and daughter again lmmediately

third, your sister needs some counseling regarding her hitting, kicking and anger management in general

fourth, at 12 years old she does not need a cell phone because her butt she be in school, at home doing homework or with her family

My DD is 12 years old and I will tell you and the entire world this fact...the day she even thinks about raising her hand to me much less hits me, she will find herself on the other side of the room and wondering where the last 5 minutes went. Remind your sister that hitting her mother is a crime...it is assault.

Something needs to be done immediately or she is headed down a path that only leads two places..jail or cemetary. Sorry I never mince words when it comes to such disrespectful, spoiled brats.

Keep on her and do not be afraid to pick up the phone and call 911 when she strikes your mother. A few hours or an overnight stay in jail might do her some good.

Ask her if she would like to spend time with me in Southern Oregon. Way out here in the middle of nowhere....alone...with me.