Giving up a child?

Thanks for that.
Tonight Danny came crying down the stairs DH opened the livingroom door and he came in and pushed DH out of the way. Funny thing is he came straight over to me and grabbed at my hands and pulled me up. He wouldn;t let me go and dragged me up the stairs to his room. His music had stopped and somehow he thought I could "fix it"! It was kind of nice to be actually wanted by him. Not bitten or nipped. He gave me a lovely hug and kiss and said he loved mummy. Made everything perfect again. But then I felt all giulty but I havent slept properly in months and neither has DH. He is exhausted. The new meds are working though and Danny is much better and more communacative so he is actually talking to us again ( Though not making much sence!) We got 5 hrs sleep last night that is practically a whole night!!!!!!!!!!!! This new medication is brillient as there are less fits too. I am delighted but worry about the addictive nature of sleeping drugs and all that. In the end I have a more communative less tired boy that is less volatile because he can talk to us and make himself understood so less frustration , more sleep less fits better boy!!!!!!!!! I can live with that!!!!!!!! Anyhow I am away to bed soon. We are looking at another rest - bite centre next Tuesday. I love Danny! I love him more when he is MY BOY!!! not the awful frustrated nipping biting monster with seizures and no sleep!!!!!!

I better away and get some rest before he is up again. I can hear him snoring it is 23.05 here. I may get to 5am!!!!
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Oesdog
 
I've been watching your thread and holding back tears as I do so. I've worked with (I know it isn't the same as living with) people like Danny. It's a difficult thing to do, especially when you have to do it 24/7.
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My heart breaks for you as you get let down, time after time. I know it can make the future look bleak.
I'm curious about the nursing homes that they try ot refer you to.... I've worked at a place called a residential care facility. It's similar to a nursing home but the residents aren't as dependent and the agr range is much wider. Over here in Maine, it still looks like a nursing home, but cheeper. I wonder if Danny might do better at one of those or some sort of assisted living facility where they could teach him to be more independent. It might be a long shot but it might also help broaden your search and expose you to new places for him that you may not have thought of before.
I don't know if it would be of use to you, but it's an idea you could look at I guess.
Otherwise, I'm just going to pray for you, DH and Danny that you all will soon find some peace. I understand it's a tough road and it will take you a while to travel it, but hopefully you all will be able to travel it easier with these beds he's on and maybe even bring more laughter into your lives :)
 
The reason why we discounted nursing homes is because here where we are they only deal with the elderly and most of the staff are untrained to care for Danny. They are only trained in elderly care. Danny is 24yrs old. He has to have a life first!!!!! I want him to be able to go out to coffee shops and shopping and down to the beach and do young person activities like riding for the disabled all of those things they don;t do from a nuring home so that is why it simply wont work. I wouldn;t feel right to put a 24 yr old in a home full of elderly he wouldn;t have any friends his own age or with his own issues.

We just have to keep searching there has to be something out there for him.

oesdog
 
The reason why we discounted nursing homes is because here where we are they only deal with the elderly and most of the staff are untrained to care for Danny. They are only trained in elderly care. Danny is 24yrs old. He has to have a life first!!!!! I want him to be able to go out to coffee shops and shopping and down to the beach and do young person activities like riding for the disabled all of those things they don;t do from a nuring home so that is why it simply wont work. I wouldn;t feel right to put a 24 yr old in a home full of elderly he wouldn;t have any friends his own age or with his own issues.

We just have to keep searching there has to be something out there for him.

oesdog


Well that's really too bad :( Even in my tiny town, there are services offered for impaired people of all ages. There's even a girls home in my town for troubled teens. That same company works with kids and young adults who have ANY form of disability. I worked for them for a while. They train all employees on each diagnosis and how to handle it. That includes aggression and violence. I wish they had that sort of program for your family... It keeps the patient in the home if possible and they just take the patient out in the community for their "therapy." The worker also works with the whole family inside of the home on how to do different activities and therapies. I'm sure by now you know how to do all of those things but it's just such a great company that even you might learn something new.
Either way, there has to be something somewhere. I hope you find it.
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Maybe getting a bit creative with what you're looking for might stear you in a different direction than you had originally started.
 
TCL, sounds like y'all have some great programs in Maine! Oesdog is in Ireland, with a completely different social service system. And even in the U.S., there are few places with really good programs for low-functioning, aggressive adults.

I just hope that oesdog and her family can find what they need...Maybe this next place will be suitable...
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I HATE to say it... but Oesdog, you might have to consider a nursing home for him...(if thats all thats avaiable for him..)
Most of them are equipped to handle agressive adults..(think Alzheimers)
I know here in the states not ALL nursing homes have ALL old people..
I have worked in many "nursing" homes where they took in many types of people...
30 year old man that had and accident as a child and was in a wheelchair... (he was shot in the head, hunting, and was in a coma for a loong time..)
A middle aged lady that got paralysed when she was a young woman,... drinking driving accident.
They still went out daily to a "job"..or for recreation...
And i KNOW Phillipps familly took him out to do,,.uh... things..
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Noone can stop you from seeing your son and taking him out places....noone.
They DO have activities and outings for them......
But... heres my thinking... you say you dont want him stuck with "old folks".. but what does he do in your house??
If he goes to school/job daily he can STILL do that at the nursing home...
The way he is so abusive to you and with your husbands serious heart problem....you sadlly have to think of the future for him anyways,,,
What if, (god, forbid), something happend to YOU?? What would happen to him then??
Its HARD, and i cant imagine...
hugs.gif
 
I HATE to say it... but Oesdog, you might have to consider a nursing home for him...(if thats all thats avaiable for him..)
Most of them are equipped to handle agressive adults..(think Alzheimers)
I know here in the states not ALL nursing homes have ALL old people..
I have worked in many "nursing" homes where they took in many types of people...
30 year old man that had and accident as a child and was in a wheelchair... (he was shot in the head, hunting, and was in a coma for a loong time..)
A middle aged lady that got paralysed when she was a young woman,... drinking driving accident.
They still went out daily to a "job"..or for recreation...
And i KNOW Phillipps familly took him out to do,,.uh... things..
wink.png

Noone can stop you from seeing your son and taking him out places....noone.
They DO have activities and outings for them......
But... heres my thinking... you say you dont want him stuck with "old folks".. but what does he do in your house??
If he goes to school/job daily he can STILL do that at the nursing home...
The way he is so abusive to you and with your husbands serious heart problem....you sadlly have to think of the future for him anyways,,,
What if, (god, forbid), something happend to YOU?? What would happen to him then??
Its HARD, and i cant imagine...
hugs.gif


No you can't understand as in our old folks homes they DO NOT DO YOUNG FOLK ACTIVITIES!!!!!! They are mostly full of low paid, minimum trained foreign workers who are NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH MENTAL HANDICAP! It is a totally different issue than working with the elderly and their own spacific needs. We are not in the USA and I would rather crawl on my belly daily to care for my son than put him in one of those places. I have worked in some of them and know what it is like in these homes. I would never leave a 24 yr old in them ( Mine or anyones child!) no matter what their needs IT IS NOT A GOOD PLACE FOR A YOUNG PERSON. My son WILL have a life before he is OLD!!!!!!!! Or nothing I have ever fought for all these years will be worth it. He needs a quality of life and an old folks home is not were he will be able to have that. IT would never be an option here.

Oesdog
 
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No you can't understand as in our old folks homes they DO NOT DO YOUNG FOLK ACTIVITIES!!!!!! They are mostly full of low paid, minimum trained foreign workers who are NOT EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH MENTAL HANDICAP! It is a totally different issue than working with the elderly and their own spacific needs. We are not in the USA and I would rather crawl on my belly daily to care for my son than put him in one of those places. I have worked in some of them and know what it is like in these homes. I would never leave a 24 yr old in them ( Mine or anyones child!) no matter what their needs IT IS NOT A GOOD PLACE FOR A YOUNG PERSON. My son WILL have a life before he is OLD!!!!!!!! Or nothing I have ever fought for all these years will be worth it. He needs a quality of life and an old folks home is not were he will be able to have that. IT would never be an option here.

Oesdog



I merely suggested some options that we have HERE in the states... sorry that YOUR country doenst have those options.. i didnt know that!

ETA: and good luck with everything anyways..i hope it all works out for the best for everyone involved.
 
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