Yeah...I think I'm funny.

[sourland]

Maple, there is a difference between funny and strange.

 

[kla37]

I think it's hysterical. I was officially divorced in Novemvber, and the a**h*** still hasn't completed his discovery. It's not the actual divorce that takes much time, but the equitable distribution and the rest of the financial stuff that does. I just found out my ex STILL had me on his credit card that he was STILL using, so I closed it. And the checking account "we" had but I was never allowed to use. Closed that too. And he's ticked off about it! HELLO? We're divorced. Sharing accounts with him would be like sharing accounts with a total stranger! He had 3 months to do it, and didn't, so I did!

 

[maple]

I don't plan on doing anything silly or funny or "strange".

sourland!

 

[suzettex5]

Divorce sucks- but if you can find something to laugh about while going thru it, more power to ya!!


btw- there is a little thing called Bi-iffurcation (my phonetic spelling cuz I dont know how to spell it right) and it a very simple procedure that you can do yourself that will allow you to be legally divorced, (and so, allowed to re-marry, or whatever) but it still leaves all the other aspects to be dealt with as time permits, ie; child custody, property division, business matters, etc) Might be worth looking into, or asking your lawyer about. Its really simple. I dont know what state you are in, but I know it is allowed in Ca, and some other states. It may let you go ahead and have a 'mini' , semi-free, celebration!

 

[maple]

I think the lawyers are saying within 30 days it should be done with. But thanks all for your support.

 

[sourland]

30 days

You CAN do it.

 

[maple]

Reminds me of the Little Engine that Could...I think I can, I think I can...I know I can, I know I can....

 

[suzettex5]

Quote:
I hope youre right.

My (unfortunatley long), experience with lawyers has led me to this conclusion- However long they say it will take, Double it, However much they say it will cost-Triple it. Then you MIGHT be close to what the reality ends up being. I always remember, it is NOT in the lawyers best interest to finish your case (or anyones, for that matter) because then they stop being able to bill you.

 

[Sir Birdaholic]

I used to tell people that we signed a pre numptual agreement that says,... if we get a divorce, I get everything, & she goes to prison. She didn't find it funny.

 

[maple]

I've been through the ringer and back again. It's been a really tough 10 years being married to him. He was abusive and I'm sure he has borderline personality disorder and he's spent my inheritance from my father's passing away, borrowed from my mom and will not be obligated to pay her back because we did not document anything, he's trying to take the equity in my childhood home, and he's trying to get out of paying alimony to a wife who has health problems, heart.... It wasn't funny at all being married to him and I lost myself and was broken down to a mess of a pitiful young woman who lost her fire and her spark. I'm funny and joke to let it hurt less. I've been numb for so long that's it's finally starting to dawn on me that though I'll be tied forever with this man because we have 2 small children, there will be a relief and a flood of emotions I feel that will overwhelm me when the day is come, that I am no longer bound with this man who has hurt me so.

And thus I think of the weight lifted, no longer having to sit for hours cowering to a man who's ranting about everything under the sun but it's everyone else's fault and it makes no sense...it hurts your head to try to understand, so it's best to go numb... but he can tell and it only angers him more but you can't say anything because THAT will only anger him more, I no longer have to be called names and be made to do things against my will, I no longer have to share in his paranoia and be scared about the people he brings home, I no longer have to be frightened about someone lunging at me and putting a fist in my face or putting holes in my walls and breaking things, I no longer have to feel intimidated, I no longer have to fear that I will find his corpse in the garage from his suicide like he threatened so many times....I can say that day to day I will be released of these haunts for myself but I will not be released these haunts for my two little girls who the courts say need visitation with their father and like a knife to the gut my heart aches and prays among all prayers that God spare my children any harm, spiritually, emotionally, & physically for all their days to come. I will always feel like I have to watch my back since he threatened he wanted to kill his x and make it look like an accident so he'd get custody of his son and my mom and sisters fear he's the kind of guy who'd kill us all and then himself because of the way he's behaved and the things he's said that were strange. I don't know how I got here but I got here and now as hard as it is....I must put it in God's hands now.

I've talked to my lawyer, written letters to her giving details, and at one point I even changed lawyers when I didn't feel I was being represented for the best outcome in regards to me and my children's welfare. I've mentioned things to the moderator when we were trying to come to agreements about visitation, though she can not tell the judge the things that I've stated...she only handles the terms of visitation. I am at fault for never reporting abuse and have been told this by my lawyer. My first lawyer told me I should agree to Joint custody and I did not think that was right but he assured me it was the thing to do. He said it can always be changed and he said my x is a creature of habit and will just go sink back into the woodwork...but that's not the case. So when I changed my new lawyer said I never should have agreed to that and can't change it now because nothing has changed since then. And it hasn't...he lives on the east coast and I'm in the mid-west...he hadn't seen them for 2 years up until the arrangement after Christmas. All went well during that time. My girls had some issues but it was to be expected but for the most part they enjoyed themselves. Which I am very thankful for. He has his ups and downs. I know he's being counceled to call them and interact with them so he CAN form a relationship with them. He has a girlfriend who my daughters said is nice to them...so as much as I appreciate that she cared for my children during thier visit....I fear for her own well being and hope that this man can make a change and this isn't just a honeymoon stage for him so things seem hunky dory right now. It's been a rough road and I won't ever be done with him because of our children...but I can be released from day to day hurts and THAT is what my heart is joyful of.


and whispering winds....it sounds like an awful situation...May God give you all the strength and everything you need to perservere. hugs to you all...what a horrid mess.

and kla37 ....geez, sounds like mine. Glad we can be here for each other during these very frustrating times.

ods and ens farm.... Thank you. I'm working on getting my self confidence back...she's been locked in a dark cold basement and afraid to come out into the light. I got some books the other day at the book store to try to understand all of this and also a book that helps kids understand divorce. I've been doing a good job my Pastor encourages me, about how I have addressed questions and concerns from my just turned 5 yr. old and 9 yr. old girls. I've attended a woman against abuse group but I didn't feel that one in particular was the one for me...they were really young girls and really tough and rough girls who I didn't really relate with and I wasn't learning any helpful things since the tough girls would get into guy and police bashing...and get really of topic. My lawyer wants me to see into a councelor to talk to but I am having issues finding one because of insurance.

wegots.... I know. I'm not planning on getting too carried away...theres still issues to deal with and It's not a done deal in my book until I see official documents, signed, stamped, sealed, and delivered. I highly doubt there will be any appeal... he's moved in with a girlfriend and I'm not sure but I'm starting to wonder if they have a 1 year old together....from questions my 9 year old asks me when she gets off the phone with him. Like when she asked when they visit him will there be other kids...? It wouldn't surprise me if they did have a child...it's very possible...I mean...he left here 4 years ago and came back from Iraq 2 years ago and I knew then he had a girlfriend when he came home for a short visit. Who else locks themselves in the bathroom with the tub running and talks secretely on the phone?