This was my ISA Brown hen Savanna, who died earlier this year due to sour crop, a secondary condition ultimately caused by other internal issues
In this article I am dealing with the more emotional side of bird keeping. I realize that not all people will form strong bonds to their birds, but this article is for the ones who do. If your bird has just died (or you are about to lose them), here are some helpful tips to help you with the process.
1. Tell them you love them and say good-bye
This may seem obvious, but sometimes it is helpful to talk to them, even if they have already passed, or already buried. Tell them how much you love them and how grateful you are that they were a part of your life. Don’t just say it in your head, but out loud. It makes a huge difference and helps with processing.
2. Gather your mementos
If you can, try to take a feather or two from them, put it in a bag with their name on it. I suggest using a pair of scissors vs. plucking, it’s much gentler and less traumatic. I usually do this after the bird has died.
Scroll through all of your photos and videos, find some of your favorites, and put them in a folder with their name on it. When you’re thinking of them, look through all those photos and smile remembering all of the little quirks they had.
You can also print out some photos and make a scrapbook, writing about their quirks, likes, and dislikes. You can have an individual book dedicated to each bird, or use one large one for several of your birds.
3. Find them a nice box to bury them with
You may be able to find a nice box to bury them in at a store. I have found 14” and 16” boxes at the Dollar General and Joann’s that are decorative and perfect for burial of chickens and ducks. I am sure they may also have them at other décor and craft stores. If you cannot afford this, a regular cardboard box is perfectly acceptable as well. You can always add your own design with markers, colored pencils, paint, etc. even if it’s just to write their name on it. Add anything you like to the box to bury them with. A blanket is always nice. You can wrap them up in it and then place them in the box like that. Anything is fine as long as it fits inside and especially if it has a tie to them in some way or reminds you of them.
One suggestion is to write them a letter. Write about anything you want – what you appreciated about them, the influence they had on your life, all their funny quirks, how much you love them, etc. Decorate it however you want, fold it up, put their name on it, and bury it with them. You could write an additional copy as a keepsake for yourself as well.
As an additional note, you may consider marking their grave in some way, even if it’s just with a rock (or several). Another suggestion is to plant something on it or nearby, such as flowers or a tree.
4. Remember to be grateful
I know it’s hard to lose them. You love them. Just remember to be grateful for all the time you had with them. They gave you comfort in times of sadness, they put a smile on your face, they made you laugh. Remember those times. Cherish every moment and remember those happy moments along with the painful ones.
5. Cry all you want
Listen, it’s good to be strong but crying isn’t a lack of strength. Don’t let anyone tell you its just a “chicken” or “duck” or “turkey” etc. No one knows better than you how special they were to you and what role they had in your life. Every person is different and some people form stronger bonds to animals than others do. That’s okay and you don’t have to feel bad because of it. It's okay to cry and it's okay to be sad, it's a normal emotional response to loss. Your bird contributed something unique and positive to your life that cannot be replaced - yes, you can get another bird, but it will never replace the one you had. Don't bottle up your feelings. If you feel emotionally numb and you are wondering why you aren't crying, this is a normal response as well. Sometimes after loss we go in a state of shock - we cannot really process what has happened. Sometimes we do not really begin to feel the effects of grief until several days or weeks later. In either case, just know that there is nothing wrong with you and that this normal. Take it one day at a time.
6. Turn your regret into action
Sometimes you do everything you can to save your bird, and it still isn’t enough. Other times, you have to deal with the fact that their passing was caused by something you did or didn’t do. Don’t be so hard on yourself. The struggle and deep pain that you feel is proof that you truly loved them and did not have ill intentions. Learn from it and do better next time. We’re all just trying our best and sometimes we fail. It doesn’t have to be the end of the story. We can only do the best we can with the information we have at hand, and sometimes we make the wrong decision and have regrets. It’s okay to make the wrong decision – but hold onto the lesson. Recognize that we all make mistakes. Forgive yourself. Telling your bird that you are sorry, out loud, in a letter, in any way that you can express it, is going to help you with closure. Remember that you did your best to give them the best life possible and took care of them to the best of your abilities. Let go of the guilt, but remember the lesson you learned from it.
7. Live a better life for them
It’s okay to be sad and to feel grief. Just remember that you’re still living. Enjoy those sunsets for them. Smile when someone you care about calls. Snuggle your other birds, pets, humans, etc. extra tightly. Remember that life can be incredibly fragile, but also incredibly resilient. Your bird has passed on but you carry their memories with you. Cry when you need to, learn from the hard times, and be grateful for the good times.
"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." or alternatively, "How lucky I was to have had something that made saying goodbye so hard."
"This is not a goodbye, my darling, this is a thank you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever."
