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Infomercial voice: Are you tired of plucking? Pin feathers got you down? Well we've got the perfect solution! Introducing the self dressing chicken! Feathers sold separately, just pay shipping and handling! (Fine print: theselfdressingchickenmaynotactuallybeachicken...

I'm too sexy for my down, too sexy for my down, so sexy it hurts! Seriously! I'm freezing my nubbins off!