A Proposition about Forum Courtesy

[IloveTravis]

Hello there, everyone. It may not be my place to say this, but I really think it needs to be said.
Although there isn't a lot of fighting at BYC, it does sometimes happen. In fact, I have been noticing it a lot lately. (and certainly not specifically in regards to me. I have also seen several other issues arise in the past few weeks.) And hey, fighting and argueing is okay. It's okay to stand by what you say, or to feel strongly about it. I think defending what you feel is right is completely acceptable. But I have a proposal for all members of BYC.
Please take the time to consider what I am asking before commenting. I'm not trying to stir up any trouble

I'm just wondering if it would be acceptable to, when offended or when defending a statement, if we could really think it through? I mean, if you feel strongly about something, strongly enough that you need to post your input, you could you sit down, take a deep breath, and really, really, explain your feelings? So that at least, if people don't agree with you, they can understand.
When people get angry and feisty, they tend to insult people, or to write terse, angry replies. Sometimes it's even a mix of anger and trying to reason, but the combination isn't successful (and believe me, of this, I am as guilty as any.)
I believe that people can be taken more seriously when they are calm and understanding.
I am not trying to bring up past issues, or further defend myself. This is in light of all the issues I have been noticing lately, and all the issues of the future.
Sometimes when I'm really upset, I even write a big long vent in the message box. Then I read it, and realize how awful it sounds. I edit it, and read it agian. I keep going, until the anger is gone, and the post is filled with good, acceptable reasons to why I feel the way I do.
This board is full of amazing people. Sometimes conflict can get in the way of that.
The post report button is always the other option. But then conflicts can be left unsolved, and people can be left hurt.
I believe that every member of these boards deserves courtesy and respect. I believe that posts should be well thought out, and always posted with the intention of making things better, not worse.
Thanks for all those who listen. Feedback is welcome, but I don't want to be flamed. I am posting this in good spirits

 

[lindalu]

eDon't sweat the small stuff

 

[PurpleChicken]

That's just stupid.

Kust kidding.

From time to time fights arise here. It's normal and OK as long as it stays civil.


As the king of members who post stupid s**t (and a member who tries very hard to
help other members) I say post whatever the heck you want. It's all good.


Just stay away from certain members like Wildsky.

 

[LoneCowboy]

I agree. There have been several good people run off because of misunderstandings or poorly thought through posts.

I moderate another forum and we often have to remind people that it's very easy to take the written word wrong. You can not read voice inflections, expression or body language. So re-read your posts and think it through before hitting the submit button.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

This is why emoticons/smilies were invented.

A lot of our verbal communication has to do with reading facial expressions and listening to voice inflection. Emoticons replace those online.

For example,

"Those are some ugly chickens!"

(I'm kidding, they're gorgeous!)

"Those are some ugly chickens!" (I'm shocked; never seen any so awful...)

"Those are some ugly chickens!"

(I feel so bad for you and them...)

I can say the same thing and you won't know which way to take it unless I use an emoticon to show what I really mean.

It's part of online communication, and everyone learns and gets better at it over time.

If you are curious about what someone meant, why not send them a PM for clarification? If someone is really rude, send them a PM and say, "Hey, that hurt my feelings!" Everyone here is learning and everyone needs to be taken with a grain of salt.

 

[patienceprudencecharity]

I think kindness is essential-- not optional. People who are unkind or uncivil should find themselves unwelcome in web forums.

I feel that noone should say anything online that they wouldn't say to someone standing in front of them. What is the point of being nasty or rude or acting superior-- life is way too short, and way too hard, to treat others that way.

 

[fowltemptress]

Quote:
I'm much more likely to be rude to someone standing in front of me, because I don't have that lovely editing option a computer gives me. Plus, It's much easier to IGNORE A POST than it is to ignore a person speaking to you . . . I find adopting a vacant stare and letting loose with a little drool gets rid of people fairly quickly, though

Many "unkind" or "uncivil" people are socially awkward or anxious, or (my favorite ones) absolutely honest in everything they say. There is no one more rude than the man who won't tell a lie

There will always be rude people, and there will always be sensitive people who think everything they hear or read is rude. What is fantastic about forums is you don't need the vacant stare or drool to get rid of those you deem too idiotic or rude for your presence . . . you just need the ability to ignore the posts that bother you

 

[Wildsky]

Quote:

 

[happyhen]

Well said fowltemptress!

 

[IloveTravis]

Quote:
You have a point. Ignoring unkind posts is the best solution when it comes to rude people.
Then again, I am a sensitive person. I get really, really hurt when people insult me. But I respond in a way in which let's people know I'm upset, without upsetting them as well.
We are all capable of speaking like adults. I not only applaud those who ignore rude posts, but also those who can speak about things that often cause people to be upset, and instead cause people to sit there and wonder if maybe they weren't as right as they thought they were.

I am only proposing that we all try harder to say things with the intention of expressing our feelings, and without the intention of riling things up.

Fights can be easily ignored if we stay level-headed and calm, even in the worst situations.