A Proposition about Forum Courtesy

[patienceprudencecharity]

I just don't buy the idea that people don't know they are being mean. Lots of people are aggressive or nasty online, and it sure makes the world a worse place.

You can be honest with kindness and compassion-- I'm not sure why that truth gets lost sometimes. Honesty does not require you to be cruel, abrupt, rude etc.. Real honesty can always be paired with compassion and a true effort to understand where others are coming from. Otherwise what's the point?

Thinking about the feelings of other people doesn't cost you anything. Saying things in a way others can hear, really COMMUNICATING, seems like the underlying goal of forums?

Forums can be about helping others, learning, and building community, or they can be about ego, putting others down, etc. Those who have difficulty communicating effectively, with civility and kindness, can set a goal of working to improve. The forum can help them to grow by giving them feedback about how inappropriate and unhelpful their behavior is.

 

[IloveTravis]

Quote:
My thoughts exactly. A lot of people online are quick to take offense. I'm promoting that we all try to speak with respect and compassion. You can argue your point without bringing someone else down. it takes a little extra effort, but in the end, things normally work out for the better.
I'm certain there are some great writers and speakers on this forum. This is a great place to shine

 

[kstaven]

From a moderators perspective I have to say that the vast majority here do word posts carefully. Most misunderstanding seem to occur here when people write a quick response to a post without reading the whole progression of the thread, or some one having a really bad day. With over 14,000 individuals here from very different backgrounds it always surprises me how rare serious problems are.

Yes there have been a few rude and aggressive people here at times and a couple of trolls. Some are just as rude and aggressive when they get warnings about their behavior. So they get time out to think about their conduct or are gone for good depending on the severity of the situation they create.

 

[IloveTravis]

Quote:
Yet there are still many fights that go on here that are too small to require discipline. There's a lot of drama here at BYC. The truly rude and agressive people may be removed from the site, or denied access for a period of time, but all of the members joined here, as sweet as they are, are capable of being rude and agressive when it comes to issues that they feel strongly about. And it is these people who can make the mistake of speaking unkindly to other members, when put in these situations. They are good, friendly people driven by thier opinions to say things that shouldn't be said. These people do not deserve disciplinary action, so they do not recieve it. It is these issues that I believe happen too often, and can be avoided by common courtesy. Just regular people, that could benifet by putting away thier guns, sitting down, and talking it out.

 

[crtrlovr]

Everyone who has posted in this thread (well, maybe with an exception or two...

has added valuable information and thoughts to this topic of Forum courtesy. One thing we all should remember (and one thing we all tend to forget from time to time!) is that rather than REACT, we should instead RESPOND. A reaction is an immediate "answer" in like manner or to a greater degree than the event or emotion that evoked that reaction. When we take the time to RESPOND instead, that indicates having given sincere thought and consideration to the topic at hand, and effort to explain or present one's point of view succinctly and clearly, so as to minimize any misunderstanding. I hope we can all start making more of an effort to give a considered response even if we strongly disagree with another, and make it a point not to react in high emotion before we have given time to let reason overtake emotion. JMO

 

[PurpleChicken]

Ilovetravis, I'm not sure how long you were on BYC before you
registered but the sites been pretty mellow for the last few months.
We've seen some "interesting" blowouts and fights here. Most
of the "fun" ones have long since been deleted and/or locked.

Here's a fun concept:
Be the same person behind the keyboard as you are in person.
I've met 20 BYC members so far and can say who they are in the
forum is also who they are in person.

 

[crtrlovr]

very good observations, PC

 

[PurpleChicken]

Quote:
Hey, thanks. My Conure asked me to say Hi to your Conure for
her.

 

[crtrlovr]

Quote:
Hey, thanks. My Conure asked me to say Hi to your Conure for
her.

Sparky says, "gee, she sounds cute... can she come visit?"

 

[kstaven]

Quote:
Yet there are still many fights that go on here that are too small to require discipline. There's a lot of drama here at BYC. The truly rude and agressive people may be removed from the site, or denied access for a period of time, but all of the members joined here, as sweet as they are, are capable of being rude and agressive when it comes to issues that they feel strongly about. And it is these people who can make the mistake of speaking unkindly to other members, when put in these situations. They are good, friendly people driven by thier opinions to say things that shouldn't be said. These people do not deserve disciplinary action, so they do not recieve it. It is these issues that I believe happen too often, and can be avoided by common courtesy. Just regular people, that could benifet by putting away thier guns, sitting down, and talking it out.

In situations like you speak of I always suggested to people who worked in customer service for me to sit down and write a response immediately. Walk away for 2 minutes, read it again and delete it. Then write a response, now that the emotional reactionary response mechanism has been satisfied.

Believe me when I say that if I didn't use this technique I would likely be the first moderator in BYC history to get banned for life.