Any other truly "lonely onlies"?

[swampcat]

Has anyone else grown up an only child and now wish so badly you had a sibling?

I've only had one lonely only friend in my whole life and she was my best friend for ages but she is gone (she moved away 12 years ago, and passed away last year).

Oddly enough, most of my friends have twin sisters and I am SO jealous of the relationships they have. How ridiculous is this? A 30 year old woman jealous of people's sibling relationships? (But really, what are the odds that of the 10 people I associate with on a regular basis, 8 are twins?)

I just feel so lonely. My husband has tons of sisters, but obviously its not the same. They've known each other for eons and I've only been part of the family for the last 12 years. I just don't feel that "connection" with them. Like I said, all of my friends have sisters, so our friendships never crossed that line, because they don't need to fill that void.

Perhaps I'm just being completely over emotional today... but I've felt like this for months.

I can't be the only only out there that feels this way. Isn't there support groups or anything for "lonely onlies"?

 

[ReikiStar]

Sorry, Swampcat. Very happy "only" here. Actually, I've seen so many terrible things happen in families with multiple kids, esp. between siblings that I'm darn glad I don't have any. You're fortunate to have experienced siblings who get along and have a loving bond with each other. I can completely understand how being around that can make you feel lonely.

I'm sure there are online groups for people who feel the same. Hope the feeling passes. Feeling lonely is an insidious emotion. It dulls the beauty in everything around you.

 

[turney31]

 

[dainerra]

remember, the relationship you see from the outside isn't the entire story. I think everyone with a sibling has wished at least once that they were an only child. I used to DREAM about it. I was always jealous of my friend who was an only. I had another friend who was a change of life baby - her closest sibling was 19 when she was born so she had the worst of both worlds. No siblings to have good times with, but siblings who were jealous that the "baby" got attention/items that weren't given to them.

 

[Going Quackers]

I'm sorry...

Can't say as though i do! as a matter of fact watching my several children go at it and my husband with is siblings only makes me more glad i don't have any!

 

[barbieszoo]

Yes! I didn't mind being an only growing up, but starting around my senior year of high school I realized what I was missing and now, at 38, I feel like there is a huge hole where my "brother and sister" should be. My mom lost 2 babies a few years before I was born and was advised, after me, not to have any more since she almost lost me as well (had to be on bed rest etc.) so I am holding on to the belief that I will meet my 2 siblings someday in heaven. When my dad passed away a few years back ( my folks got divorced after I grew up) and I was the only child dealing with his death, it hit home even harder. My husband and I have 3 children for this very reason. I don't want them to ever have to be alone in things like that, as I was. I will never have a niece or nephew ( my husband's one brother and his wife aren't having kids), I have no siblings to call on the phone, share happy and sad times with, and grow old with. Friends are great, but they are not the same as family. My mom is my best friend in the whole world, and I don't know how I will function when she is gone, which I pray is far far in the future. I too, get a bit jealous when I see people with their siblings, or praising their siblings or nieces/nephews on Facebook etc. I know sibling relationships are not perfect, and have ups, downs, and bad examples, but just having someone else who grew up with me, with the same mom and dad, and same family stories would mean the world to me. So yes, I understand and am right there with ya!

 

[EweSheep]

My daughter will be the only child we will ever have. I was 39 and hubby was 41. Emergency CS, complications from surgery, being on steroids from painful scatic nerve damage (from delivery) and tons of problems with muscle pain, I decided it was not worth my health to have another one. I aged so fast, I mean FAST! Now with a body of a 70 year old, its painful to get around while hubby has bad knees but his energy level is almost like our daughters. I would love to have another child but not possible and I am doing us a BIG favor...we were on Medicaid, hubby lost his job and I lost my job as well.

Now we have MORE love than ever to give her our undivided attention. She is very special!

 

[chickenhead1]

Swampcat and Barbieszoo, being the second oldest of 4 kids and a male, let me share some of my thoughts with you. Three of us grew up about 2 years apart in age. It was a total disaster! my oldest brother thought, THOUGHT he could use me and my next youngest sister as punching bags or his chores slaves. This only caused resentment between us that to be quite honest has left scars to this day (we have all three hit the half century mark

. Although my brother and I are on speaking terms, we seldom see each other, call, write, I mean text, or otherwise. My youngest sister #4 was raised in a more financially stable home only after years of hard work by both parents and not having 3 other kids to have to care for. I hold no resentment towards her for that whatsoever, except for the fact that she lets her attitude get in the way of what otherwise could possibly be a fairtly docile sibling relationship.

When I was in my early 20's I made a vow to myself to live life as I chose. That meant to cherish each day I had, worship God as I believed he wants me to worship, . In other words be happy with who I am. Speaking for myself, even though I grew up with siblings, doesn't mean I am better off for it.

FYI, the 3rd kid, a girl, is so resentfull to the rest of the family that she will have absolutley nothing to do with any of us. But you know what? Thats her choice. Being one not to tell anyone their business, so be it. She don't get no free eggs!!

Allen

 

[Avalon1984]

My brother is 10 years older than me and there never was a brother and sister relationship. We were ok for a while but then he met his now wife, and the fighting continued. Now I maybe talk to him once a year.

 

[swampcat]

Thanks for the replies! Sorry it took me so long to respond, it's been a busy week!

I didn't think that all sibling relationships end up fantastic, but it's just so darn lonely being an only and going through this period in my life where all myfriends are having babies and their sisters are having babies, I just feel so isolated.

Thanks for all the points of view.

Barbieszoo - 3kids? Wow! I have a hard enough time with my two and I always blamed it on me being an only... I enjoy peace and quiet and personal space. My kids have yet to understand this.