Anyone know how to KNIT MITTENS?

sunny & the 5 egg layers :

Start at the cuff and cast on 32 sts. Now work in a ribbing of k2, p2 for 18 rows.
Knit across the next row, increasing 4 sts evenly across the row. What do they mean by evenly? Do they mean two on one side of row two on the other?

Make an increase after every 8 stitches. * K8, inc1 * repeat from * to * 3 more times.


Start Increases for the THUMB
Knit 17 sts, place a marker on needle, increase 1 st in each of the next 2 sts, place a marker on needle - 4 sts between markers, knit to end of row. I had to read this part at least 10 times and I still do not understand it. How many markers do I place on the needle? 2

What you are doing is making the thumb gusset. The markers show the beginning and ending of the gusset.

Continue in stockinette st, (knit one row, purl one row) increasing For how long?

You will be making the one increase at the first & last stitches between the markers on every knit row

1st after 1st marker and before 2nd marker on knit rows only until there are 14 sts between markers, knit to end of row. No idea what they are saying here.


R1: Knit 17 sts (to where the marker is), place (or slip) marker, increase one stitch, knit to last stitch before the marker, increase 1 stitch, place (or slip) marker, knit to end of row.
R2: Purl next row

Repeat these two rows until there are 14 stitches between the markers. End with knit row.



Next row: Purl 18 and slip these sts onto a stitch holder, purl next 12 sts of thumb, slip rem. 18 sts onto a 2nd stitch holder-- Whats 'Slip rem' mean?

Slip remaining stitches to a stitch holder. A stitch holder looks kind of like a big safety pin. You can also draw a piece of scrap yarn through these stitches. You're getting ready to knit just the thumb.

THUMB
Work in stockinette st for 10 rows.
(do just 5 rows, and then 5 rows of ribbing, k1,p1- for FINGERLESS VERSION - bind off) So 5 rows of just knitting and then 5 rows of K2 P2 (Ribbing)?

If you want to do the 'fingerless version' (meaning the tip of your thumb is exposed), then work in stockinette for 5 rows, then work 5 rows of K1 P1 ribbing and bind off.

If you want a regular thumb, work in stockinette for 10 rows, then knit 2 together (k2tog) across the row.


Next row knit 2 tog. across row. What does '2 tog' mean?

There are various ways to increase a stitch. You can do a backwards loop and place on right needle OR knit in the front and back of a single stitch OR you can pick up the bar between the stitches, place it on the left needle and knit into that. (there are other ways also)​
 
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MullersLaneFarm did a great job of explaining. I'll just add a couple of things that might help you, too.

Increasing evenly means to space the increases out over the existing stitches, so that you're knitting a few stitches, doing an increase, knitting a few stitches, doing an increase, etc. You divide the number of stitches in that row by the number of increases you're supposed to do, to figure out how many stitches you'll be knitting between the increases.

When you start the increases for the thumb, you'll be adding 2 stitch markers. The markers show you where the thumb section is, where you'll be doing the increases. This is the gusset for the thumb. The rest of what you are knitting on that row is the main part of the mitten, where the rest of your hand is. You knit 17 stitches, add your first marker, increase in a stitch, increase in a second stitch and add the second marker. You should now have 4 stitches between the markers, where you originally would have had 2. Then you knit to the end of the row. Your row is now 2 stitches longer.

Later, on the knit rows only, you'll be continuing to do 2 increases inside that little gusset section. You'll be doing an increase in the first and last stitches of that section. So when you get to that section, it's the first stitch after the first marker and the stitch before the second marker, that you're making your increases in. You're continuing in stockinette stitch, so on the alternate rows, you're just purling across. When you finally have 14 stitches between the markers, you knit to the end of the row and continue with the pattern.

I rewrote this line a little bit, to try to make it less confusing: Continue in stockinette st, (knit one row, purl one row) increasing 1st (one stitch) after 1st (first) marker and (increasing one stitch) before 2nd marker on knit rows only until there are 14 sts between markers, knit to end of row.

I like using the stitch holders that look like big safety pins. If you use a scrap of yarn, a yarn needle makes it easier to thread the yarn through the stitches. They have big eyes and blunt tips. You can also use a crochet hook, if you have one. For only a few stitches, you might be able to get away with a large twist tie. You could also just use a scrap of some other wire. All kinds of things work.
 

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