Brother and I are not speaking


9 Years
Dec 30, 2010
Ocala, Florida
My older brother invited my parents to his home for Mother's Day and did not invite me and my family. We always spend Mother's Day, Father's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas together. He is my only sibling and the only times we've been separated for any of these holidays was when he was in the service and overseas.

My mom's mom died rather suddenly just 6 weeks before Mother's Day, so this was already a very difficult time for her. When she confessed to me how hurt she was that she and my father accepted his invitation, not knowing that I wasn't invited, I decided to say something about it. I don't always communicate effectively in person when I'm emotional, so I opted to send him an email. It wasn't long and drawn out or meant to be especially hurtful, but I did tell him that it was inexcusable, given the circumstances. He sent me back a very long, personally hurtful and down right nasty email a few days later and we've not spoken since.

I do not intend to ever speak of this incident again and I really think I'm ok living without speaking to him at all, but I know that will bother our parents greatly. I do love him and I'd do anything for him if he needed my help, but I haven't liked him very much for the past several years and I have had the feeling in that time that he feels the same way, either about me or my husband.

I have given it much thought and prayer, but I'm still dumbfounded by the whole thing.
Yep, normal family politics. I gave up years ago about the "He said, She said" vindictiveness. I was lucky, went to the service, then spent twenty years as a migrant nuclear worker avoiding all that crapola. When I did make it to family get-to-gathers, I would hear all the bickering about what from my perspective was inconsequential. advice, ignore crapola and take care of you and yours for what's important in your life.
Well, surely there is a reason he didn't invite you and your fam.....Do you know why? So sorry you're going through this.

I do not like confrontation at all, so I tend to avoid people who hurt my feelings. My sis, who is an alcoholic, and I believe she's got some problems like being manic or bipolar, is 49 years old and still making decisions like she's about 15. I stay away from her drama and I'm glad. Otherwise, she's calling every day, telling me about one terrible thing after another, and she doesn't want to hear my opinion, she just likes to listen to herself talk talk talk.....

OOPS! So sorry! Got carried away......Maybe you can just be civil to eachother in front of the folks. Or doing things separately is a good idea, because then you won't have alot of tension.......

Best wishes,

Good advice all the way around. I'm REALLY alright with however he feels and how he feels about how he needed to "handle" me. I'm sure he thinks he just really put me in my place since I've not responded and that's ok, too. He's always been selfish and a bit of a jerk and I've always been able to shrug it off. I really only worry about how it's going to affect my parents. My mom can be a drama queen sometimes and I don't feel like rehashing it with her every time she brings it up. She's not brought it up at all..yet, but she will.
Brothers are poops (family friendly). I know I had 4 of them. Trust me he will get over whatever bug is up his butt when he realizes he needs you. I have one brother in particular that sounds like yours. If I wasn't his sister I would never have given him a second thought passing him on the street. He calls when he needs me to do something for him and that's about it. But at the end of the day he is still my baby brother and I do love him. Let him think he won and one day he will realize all he did was lose a lot, especially when it came to knowing your family. My mom is a drama queen to so I know how that feels as well. I just blow it off and say "Mom, I love him but he is not the friendliest person at the moment so I just want to stay out of his way. Please just let it be and it will work." She usually is happy with that answer and will leave it be... until he does another little brother blow up.
Chicmom, I have NO idea why we weren't invited..that's why I'm so weirded out..then you put his reaction to being called on it in the equation, and it's just weirder. I eluded to the fact that maybe there was some underlying reason and that didn't go over well at all. Oh, well. Live and learn.

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