Can you proof read this for me?

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by BookWorm243, Oct 10, 2012.

  1. BookWorm243

    BookWorm243 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 13, 2010
    Franklin, NC
    So a friend of mine sent this to me. He want's to know if there are any words he should change (to make it sound better) or anything like that. I guess he just needs someone to proof read it. Anyone want to do it? I have a horrible migraine and really cant focus on anything right now lol. Thanks!



    It amazing how long you will try to hold onto something or someone. But until you realize that there's nothing left to hold onto you wont be able to move on. There comes a point where you have to let go. And that is always the hardest part.

     
  2. punk-a-doodle

    punk-a-doodle Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Apr 15, 2011
    If it were me writing it, I might say:
    It is amazing how long you will try to hold onto something or someone. But, until you realize there is nothing left to hold onto, you won't be able to move forward. There comes a point where you have to let go...and that is always the hardest part.

    Aside from adding a missing "is" in the first sentence, those are just personal preferences though. The meaning is already there, and it is worded well. Hope your friend finds something to hold onto if this is from personal experience. And hope you find a nice, cosy dark room to lie down in and get rid of that migraine!
     
  3. galanie

    galanie Treat Dispenser No More

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    Aug 20, 2010
    Colmesneil,TX
    Here's my changes:

    It is amazing how long you will try to hold onto something or someone. But until you realize that there's nothing left to hold onto, you wont be able to move on. There comes a point where you have to let go. And that is always the hardest part.

    So, the same changes as the last poster but I'm unsure if "But" needs a comma after or not. I took college english and the professor never made it crystal clear about those types of things. I was putting commas everywhere you'd pause a bit when speaking like after the "but" and she'd say Nope, no comma there.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2012
  4. punk-a-doodle

    punk-a-doodle Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Hey galanie, my personal understanding is that the comma is not necessary, but also may be used in more stylistic and personal writing where rythym and pause is desired, and to offset ideas. In addition:
    - Many warn never start a sentence with "and" or "but" for any situation. This is a case where I personally never will do so in formal writing, but occasionally will for more personal writing.
    - In formal writing, it would be:
    "But until you realize there's nothing left to hold onto, you won't be able to move on.". An example with a comma would be:
    "But, according to the dog, these sausages are bland."
    This is due to being able to remove "according to the dog" without changing the meaning of the sentence. That is to say, it is more paranthetical in nature.
    For personal writing, I would add a coma because I prefer my pauses be apparent, and I prefer things that I would say as an aside built off the first sentence to be seperated. However, my husband would not us a comma in either case.

    That is just my personal understanding of how that generally works. I've had teachers correct past teachers, and then future teachers correct them so who knows? X)
     
  5. thaiturkey

    thaiturkey Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Feb 22, 2010
    Thailand
    What's needed depends to some extent on how the text will be used and who is the intended reader. There's some incorrect use of commas and sentences should not begin either with ' but' or 'and'. With no guarantee of total correctness, here's my offering:


    It's amazing for how long you will try to hold onto something or someone. However, until you realise that there's nothing left to hold onto, you won't be able to move on. There comes a point where you have to let go. That, though, is always the hardest part.
     
  6. BookWorm243

    BookWorm243 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 13, 2010
    Franklin, NC
    Thanks everyone! He sent me another one. Care to proof read this one to? I wish he would tell me what's going on :/

    One of the hardest things to deal with (at least for me anyways) is to share a memory with someone and they don't even remember it happened. Every time you see them you think of that moment and then you remember that they have absolutely no clue..... It never gets better, always sucks :'(
     
  7. punk-a-doodle

    punk-a-doodle Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Personal suggestion:
    One of the hardest things to deal with, for me at least, is sharing a memory with someone only to have them not remember any of it. Each time you see them you think of that moment...and then you remember they have absolutely no clue. It never gets any better; always sucks. :'(


    Hope you can get him to open up too. This might be the way he is comfortable reaching out right now. indirectly that is. Sort of like, "I have a friend with this problem, see..."
     
  8. BookWorm243

    BookWorm243 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Oct 13, 2010
    Franklin, NC
    Can I bother you guys with two more??? He just lost someone close to him, sooo this is what I've got to post. He wants to join the two into one? If that makes sense but I can't figure out how to word it.


    Everywhere I look I always find something that reminds me of you. Always

    Everything reminds me of you. The hardest part's been learning how to live with all these memories.
     

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