Chicken journal entries

[fowltemptress]

Brought to you by Little Guy, Penelope, Persephone, M, Googlibutt, Vladimir, Hermione, Nefertini, Misanthropy, and Yuri . . . and by a strange chicken owner who finds writing in a journal therapeutic, but can't write a normal one to save her life.

Little Guy

I don't know what is wrong with the tall ones, coming here like this. As far as I can tell there was no competition for their territory . . . that silly, over sized coop of theirs. I can't understand what could have made them come here, to an even larger coop. I thought maybe the tall one wanted more wives, but no, he still has just one. He must not be much of a man, if he can't attract more mates. Not that it surprises me much. How can he expect to attract anyone with no comb or wattles? I really must find out if he lost them in a fight or something.
Then I thought his wife must be wanting chicks, maybe she's the one who changed territory and he followed. I've been watching her closely, though, and she never sits still long enough to be a proper broody. She's like a silly leghorn . . . thank goodness for my wives; proper broodies, all of them, and never so silly as to demand a different territory.
That's one thing, though . . . they didn't demand it, yet we have it. Our coops seem to have followed us, though I don't see how. I've wandered all about them and can't find the legs, nor any sign that they live at all. It made me uneasy, the first few nights in this new place. My wives felt the same, though they hide it well. They laid misshapen eggs, poor things, though that may have had more to do with the ride in the strange beast that brought us here in its belly. I always thought being eaten would feel . . . slimier. Certainly I didn't think I'd be pooped out live. This was a very large beast, though, so it must be hard for it to find enough grit to grind its food. That must be it, yes. I'd certainly be dead, had the weird moving beast with round legs eaten a proper amount of grit. The tall ones fed us to it, the treacherous creatures. And now they have their new coop, I have this new territory, and my poor wives are scared to venture far while they lay their odd eggs.
Stupid tall ones.

 

[fowltemptress]

Penelope

That rooster! My word, he frets. The silly thing, I told him, yes, I told him, now look here, mister, you can wander around muttering your fancy talk to yourself, but I am two whole weeks your senior, so you’ll listen to me. Here we have this nice new place full up with food, and you wander about fretting. My eggs? Never mind my eggs, mister, I saw you pass by that tender little cricket and you didn’t so much as make a noise. No sir, I can excuse fretfulness, but when it interferes with your food finding duties, why mister, I’ll follow the food bringers gladly and forget all about you!
I told him that, sure enough, much good it’ll do him, worrying so about the state of our eggs and how the silly coops got here. Can’t see how that matters, so long as they are here, and goodness, my eggs are already back to normal. Ten roosters ain’t worth one hen, I say, and they need to keep to their rooster duties and forget all this higher thinking. Goodness knows I’m no slacker when it comes to finding food, but really.
I don’t know why the food bringers came here, but I’m glad they did. There must be ten times the bugs here that our last territory had, and so much grass! All this worry over more food . . . that rooster just needs to fill up his belly a bit, get some meat on those chicken legs. I told the girls, I told them, now, y’all can make moon eyes at him all you want, but me, well I like a man who can find me a tasty treat without skimping on the searching, and well, if I’m hungry he can fly off, and good riddance. Ten roosters ain’t worth one food bringer, I always say. He’s a good sort, though, and I wouldn’t trade him for ten roosters . . . he’s worth ten, at least. No feather treading there, nope! Though he could be more focused on his food finding duties, I say.
Yes, this is a good place for filling a crop, and no silly roo’s fretting will get to me, I say. I’m worth ten of him, at least, and I’ll eat enough to prove it. Just see if I don’t, I said to him.

 

[Serrin]

I love something posted from the point of view of the chickens!! Good work FT! Let's hear from the rest of the flock!!

 

[3KillerBs]

Wonderful!

 

[cybercat]

I have subscribed and wait for more. Good Job.

 

[fowltemptress]

Nefertini (Tini)

I don't know what all the fuss is about, but then, I am a year younger than the hens. They must be so slow compared to me. The rooster told us to be alert for new predators, since we don't know what this new territory might hide. Ha! I'm young and quick. I'd like to see a predator just try and catch me.
The others won't wander far from our coops, which were kind enough to follow us here. Missy says the coops were brought by the "people" - she calls them that, I don't know where she thinks up such strange words - Anyway, she says they brought them here, which makes me worry about her. She gets such strange ideas, sometimes. Lucky she has me for a friend, because I doubt the others would put up with her for long if they weren't so awed by my courage.
I know they're awed, because they can't take their eyes off me while I'm exploring this new place. Missy says they talk about how foolish I am, but I know they're really envious. Not even the rooster has my bravery! Sometimes I think I should have been a rooster, but Missy tells me the people would not have wanted me if I was, so I should be thankful. Poor Missy, sometimes I think she must have been pecked on the head too hard as a chick. She acts like they own us or something. As though any creature could own us noble chickens!
Anyway, the hens and even the rooster are envious of my courage, I know, because while they stick close to the coops, I've already explored all the territory! It's large and wild compared to where we used to be, and I've found so many new hiding spots. Why, the other night I decided to test one of those hiding spots by not going in with the others. Those people came searching for me in the night, using their tamed fire, but I sat tight and laughed to myself as they passed right in front of me again and again, never once seeing me. Imagine such blind creatures owning a chicken! Silly Missy. The next morning the female people came out before the sun came up and sat under a tree near me. I knew she was waiting for me, and was sad she couldn't see well enough to find me during the night. I felt sorry for her and climbed down from my hiding spot, just to let her know I hadn't wandered away. The people do admire us chickens, and no wonder. It must be hard being blind and featherless. I could tell she was happy to see me, but I wish she hadn't picked me up and given me those weird pecks of hers. She locked me in a coop afterwords, too, and didn't let us out for most of that day. Missy said it was my fault for scaring her into thinking I'd been taken by a hawk or something . . . like a hawk could catch me, the bravest and fastest chicken in our flock, even counting the rooster! I told Missy if that was true, then I'd just have to teach her a lesson. Inferior creatures like people can't act like they can order us chickens around! I hide for a bit every day now, just to show her that I have every right to leave if I want. Missy says it won't work, that I'll just make the people think I have a nest somewhere. Well, what if I do? I can teach the people a lesson and take care of other things too, can't I? Missy said the only lesson I'm teaching the people is to keep us in the coops more often.
Missy sure is slow to understand things. I'm so glad I'm around to guide her.

 

[cmom]

I love it!!!

 

[fowltemptress]

Misanthropy (Missy)

The people finally did it, and of course everyone is acting like ninnies. I wonder, sometimes, if it wouldn't have been much better to have never gotten hurt. They all think I'm weird, but when you live in a house with the people while you're healing it's hard not to learn things.
By "did it," I mean the people moved houses. I know that's what they call their coops because it's all they could talk about while the female nursed me back to health. I can understand them wanting to move. There wasn't a moment spent in that house where someone wasn't tripping over the container they kept me in. It was strange, realizing that the people kept us hens in better coops than their own. They're not such a bad sort.
I didn't like the move. Little Guy thinks a giant predator tried to eat us, and just happened to poop us out here. I tried to explain to him about people and their "cars," but he gave me that look that all of them give me when I start talking about people things. I know they'd understand if they just listened to me, but they don't care enough. Yuri listens, but she's young. Tini listens too, in her way, but she's too proud of being a chicken to understand that other creatures might have the capacity for intelligence and feelings, too. I can't blame her, I used to feel the same way. It still surprises me. To look at them, you'd never think people had any intelligence at all.
I thought that when the people moved nothing much would change, but I was wrong. The place they brought us is huge. Tini has wandered it all, but I've only managed a quarter of it. I don't have the recklessness Tini has, or courage, as she likes to call it. I did wander over towards the girl once, though, when I noticed her looking at a small house in our new territory . . . at least, I think it's a small house, though it's much different from the house that the people have moved into, all metal and wire. I figured it was safe to venture away from the coops with the girl there. I've noticed mean creatures aren't so bold when a people's around. I'm glad I did, because I got so excited by what the girl was saying that I pooped right there.
The girl had the "phone" . . . I'm not sure what type of creature a phone is, but I think it might be a type of parasite that feeds on people words, because people always start making lots of words when one is around. It's very useful to hear a people with a phone, because you learn lots of stuff. The girl was talking about the small metal house, and how it would make a great coop. I wasn't very interested, and thought it was weird that she would want two coops, when she already moved to a large one that she and the other people share with those two annoying pseudo-predators (I learned the word pseudo when a people was on the phone. I told you you could learn stuff from that!). Then she talked some more, and I heard her say she was planning to fix it up soon so she could move the chickens in by winter. The chickens! You don't have to live in a house with people for a while to know who she meant by that. The people want to give us a new coop!
Of course I had to look around after that, to see exactly what this new coop would be like. It's bigger than all our current coops combined, and has lovely thick wire to keep the mean creatures out. Tini scoffs when I talk about the mean creatures, but that's just because she thinks they're all like the people's . . . um, dogs, I think the people called them. Tini doesn't understand me when I tell her the people keep the dogs from eating us, but they can't stop all the mean animals. It won't matter what Tini understands, though, as long as this new coop seems as strong as it looks.
There's all sorts of things in the new coop cluttering it, but the girl told the phone she'd be selling the things, which I think means the same thing as when Little Guy gives one of us hens a bug he's found in exchange for being such good hens. I don't know why other people would want the things in the coop, but people do keep such strange things in their houses. I don't understand how they can have so many things, and not even have a nesting box. I thought I saw a nesting box in the people's house once, but it was full of water and not a good place to lay an egg. I'm starting to doubt whether people lay eggs at all. Tini told me not to be silly, that everything laid eggs, but I'm starting to think that can't be true, else why would the people always be taking ours?
I am excited, though, and the people can take all the eggs they want if it's really true that this small house will one day be our coop. I pooped in the small house for luck before walking past the girl on the phone back to the coops. I am looking forward to pooping all over the new coop when the people complete it for us.
Yes, I am very happy the people decided to move.

 

[damselfish]

This is great!

Subscribing...

 

[fowltemptress]

Yuri

Mom won't pay attention to me! This is sooo unfair!
How can she treat me this way? I'm her daughter, she is supposed to take care of me! What a jerk. It's not like I asked to be born, and now she expects me to find my own food, and keep myself warm . . . she expects me to do all the work, like I'm her servant or something. I'll bet other chicks have better mothers. I'll bet she's not even my real mother. I'll show her, I'll find my real mother, who will love me and feed me and appreciate me, and then she'll be sorry that she told me I was old enough to be looking after myself.
Since Mom is acting like such a witch, I've been hanging out with Missy and Tini a lot. It is so cool that the older pullets like hanging out with me. Missy is really smart, and Tini is uber brave. I don't need Mom anyway, with such awesome friends. Tini has already been around the whole new territory! I heard Mom saying Tini needs to be more careful, but what does she know? Parents think they know everything.
Tini and Missy showed me these weird bugs yesterday. They're yellow and black and live in the hollow of this huge tree at the corner of our new territory. I asked Missy if they were good to eat, because there's so many of them, and sometimes the grasshoppers can be hard to catch. But Missy says they could hurt me if I tried to eat them, and besides, the people - she calls the scary ones people! How cool is that? - the people like them and don't want them harmed. She said they had something to do with helping the people grow healthy gardens, so that us chickens can have more treats. I wish I was as smart as Missy. I'll bet her mom was a cool mom. It's so unfair, everyone has cool moms but me!
Tonight I'll try to sneak under Mom when she's not looking. I'm not scared of sleeping in this new place, really I'm not . . . I want to be brave like Tini . . . but it is nice to have a mom to sleep under, even if she is a pain.