Concerned about friend's obsession

[Nupine]

I am becoming more and more concerned about my friend's obsession. Let's just call her Kasey. Kasey is 16. I have known her for about 2 years, and when we first met we were always talking about horses. She is part of my close group of friends, who are all homeschooled. It seem as though she is really starting to drift away from us. She takes riding lessons at least once a week. I am really not that impressed with the trainer, but she thinks they [father and daughter] are the best in the world, and won't take ANY riding advice I give to her because she has absolute faith in her trainers. She is very obsessed with the daughter, who I think is about 23. All she ever talks about is her, Corey. She asks me if I notice how Corey walks, and how her voice sounds. She wants to walk and talk just like that. She also wants to spit like Corey [yeah you read that right]. Kasey is slightly overweight, and Corey is slim. Kasey now wants to lose weight to look like Corey, not for her own well being. She also has told me several times that when you see Corey from a distance, you KNOW it is her, and you just don't know that with everyone. She wants to wear her hair like Corey [which is just a bun]. She also has started to wear hats liek Corey, and asks me if her hat is shaped liek the ones Corey wears. I have met Corey, and she really wasn't all that friendly, and certainly wasn't out of this world amazing. She doesn't wear a helmet when riding, and I really hate the way she treats her horses when she rides, CONSTANTLY checking their mouths [bumping bakc on the reins]. But that is bsides the point. Corey was a user of some type of intravenous drug [heroine, etc.] and injected her self with a dirty needle which gave her an infection that left her in the hospital for months, with many repeated visits afterwards, and nearly killed her. That is not a role model! I jsut wish Kasey would stop admiring her so much. Kasey doesn't have a lot of friends. She is extremely sheltered, to the point that at age 15 her parents wouldn't let her come with me and a few friends [all of which her parents know] and my mom [who she knows] to see National Treasure [which is either pg or a very mild pg-13] for my birthday because her parents hadn't watched the movie. She is extremely socially akward, and she really can't hold a conversation about anything other that Corey. Although her obsession isn't really my business, what should I do to help her?

 

[Countrywife]

You need to discuss this with your mom, who can in turn discuss it with her mom. I have raised 3 kids, but I cannot in good faith believe I can help some child with a personal problem over an internet connection. Go talk to your mom, she is the best judge of what is dangerous.

 

[007Dawn]

Quote:
You may want to consider speaking to her guardians about your concern and if for some reason they won't listen talk to a school counselor and voice your concerns.

 

[cassie]

I don't know what you can do to help your friend. It sounds like she is suffering from a bad case of helicopter parents. Parents that hover and protect to the point that their children are not able to develop independence and maturity. Maybe Kasey sees the other girl as having the independence she lacks. You might give her a book on proper equitation and correct use of the bit. That may help make her horse's life better anyway. With any luck she will outgrow this obsession. About all you can do is to be her friend. Discussing this with your mother as someone else suggested is a start. Good luck.

 

[Nupine]

Thanks everyone. My mom is fully aware of the situation, and thinks her parents are total control freaks. Her other friends and their parents are also aware. Kacey has NO independance, and her parents make every decision for her. They create this fantasy world for her, and she doesn't know hardly anything about the way most people live. At age 16, she had no clue who Michael Jackson was, even after he died and all the media. I had to explain him to her. Her life consists of waking up at 6:30 in the morning, chores, homeschooling for 9 and 1/2 hours [which is crazy] ride her horse, more chores, read, then go to bed at 9:30. The reason no one wants to say anything is because they are VERY defensive people. Her mother frets about everything liek it is a major crisis.

 

[redhen]

I wouldnt get involved. I would not say a thing..
I would just try to be there for her as much as possible. Ask her over to your house more often so she can get out her house...ask her to go to dinner someplace ask her to go shopping with you....etc..
Youre a good friend. But you dont want to step on her parents toes. It will just make them upset and push her further under their control. Good luck!

 

[Julie08]

Quote:
You are a very wise women, I completely agree, no need to rat her out to her parents for having a bit of admiration for someone. Just continue being a good friend to her like you are already doing.

 

[turtleblossom]

Is it possible that Kasey has a crush on Corey? Young love will drive you batty!

 

[deb1]

Quote:
That is a consideration also. If your friend has any tendencies toward her own sex, she might be very confused because of her parents.

Of course, the admiration that she feels could be completely nonsexual also. SHe might just be yearning for more independence.

Sadly, overprotective parents think that they are helping their children when they are really setting them up to be controled by someone else.

I see nothing that you can do expect be very patient and maybe invite her over to your house more often. That way she can have other things then the other girl to think about.

You might have to listen to her praise of the other woman for awhile but hopefully she will outgrow this phase.

 

[Nupine]

Thanks. I will see if maybe she can come over more often. Somehow her parents let her join the 4-H shooting sports club, so I get to be wither her for like 3-4 hours on Sunday afternoons. Her dad had an eagle eye on her the whole time last Sunday. I think that was because one of my friends, who is a guy, was sitting by us. Her dad eventually made her sit by him, and I think that is why. He also didn't allow her to take an office [president, vp, sec.] etc. even though she is the oldest one there and there are only 5 teens, and like 7 positions. sigh I am not sure why though, she wasn't allowed to take an office for our horse 4-H club either. Strange. You know, I was really thinking that maybe she has a crush on Corey too, even though she is a girl. Kacey is almost never around guys, she isn't allowed around her church's youth group. So maybe she is in love with one of the only people in her life, her 23 yr old riding instructer, who is a woman.
Ashlyn