Concerned about friend's obsession

[Chickenmaven]

People can have same sex "crushes" that are non-sexual.

Sounds like your friend is delayed a bit, socially. If she was a 10 y.o., running around copying a 13 y.o., it wouldn't seem so odd. My guess is that she is a late bloomer of sorts. Glad to hear that she is getting out & about.

Please try to continue to be her good friend & do not criticize this little phase.

 

[mom'sfolly]

My guess is that she wants to be Corey, an independent woman who is respected enough by her father that she runs a business with him. Her instructor chooses her own clothing, does unladylike things like spit, and isn't constantly watched. It may be a "crush" or just seeing some freedom and envying her instructor's life.

Your friend's parents behaviour raises some red flags with me. It sounds like the classic scenario of an abused spouse; socially isolated, not allowed to interact with anyone without supervision, and her time being obsessively managed. At sixteen, a person should have more of a life than chores, church and school work.

 

[Boyd]

I'm not to ashamed to say, but I've had foster sibs, and friends of sibs (15 years or so younger) take an interest in me like this. It wasn't anything romantic, it was just that they saw something different in me that they wanted to harness for themselves.

People with low self esteem often pick somebody totally opposite of themselves to try to become to sort of break out of their shell. Sometimes a hard home life, or past makes them want to re-make themselves into somebody new. An extreme case for example is my little adopted sister. I won't go into details but I was the first male that she trusted period. Her abuse was so bad that years of memory are forever gone. When my folks adopted her, she even changed her name.

It's funny now, but she's finally come out of her shell and is almost 17. Whenever I'm around she'll grab the first straw hat she can find, grab some boots and start cussing up a storm using inventive language that I was known for back when I was working on the docks. She definitely stepped outside of her self imposed prison, and remade herself into somebody else.

Some people do this more extreme than others. Think of how many people are inspired by Lance Armstrong for example, and take up road biking? Not all role models are good, but as long as she's trying to learn/emulate the good, then I don't see too much harm at this point. Try to be the best friend you can be, and look at it from her perspective.

PS, if she is trying to be the bad as well as the good, then you may want to talk to your mom, or her folks about it.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

But Boyd, I think you would be a great role model for someone to copy! You seem like a very positive and kind person. I think the problem with Nupine's friend is that she is copying someone who isn't such a good role model, especially if this riding instructor is currently doing drugs or engages in dangerous behavior. However, I don't personally know Corey, so I can't make any judgements based solely on a typed description.

I've had friends who were extremely sheltered like this girl, and I have to admit, its difficult to remain friends with them. The one girl's dad would constantly check up on us, even when we were with MY parents and about 16 or 17 years old. I have a very good relationship with my parents and although they weren't strict, I rarely did anything bad enough for them to be strict. It was difficult for me to understand how someone's parents could prevent a legal adult (18 years old) from going out with friends, watching certain movies, and even from driving! I did stick with this girl and eventually she went to college and is doing very well on her own. i know she LOVES the freedom. So the best advice I can give is to stick with this girl unless she starts doing dangerous things that could harm you or get you in trouble. You don't have to act like her parents, but guide her with a friendly hand. Who knows? Perhaps one day she'll realize you are the role model she should follow.

 

[Boyd]

I meant she may want to be more like her in the positive way. Unfortunately we don't always choose role models for the right reasons. I was no positive person in my youth, and was sent to boot camp at 16-17 to straighten out. I think it was the fact that I tore myself out of the pain and hatred and remade myself is what my sibs saw in me. I was like them once, and changed who I was forever.

If this girl is doing drugs, ya, get involved because who knows what your friend is going to try to emulate. But..... if she's recovered maybe your friend is looking for that inner strength to change herself from somebody who's been down a hard road.

 

[Nupine]

Thanks you guys. I never really saw it is that light, Boyd, that she sees what she wants in Corey. Corey isn't told what to do, she is trusted [although she probably shouldn't be]by her parents, and she is not told to be feminine as Kacy is. And chickerdoodle, you are right it is hard to stay friends with someone like this. We drifted away for a few months, but are becoming closer now. You have to be very careful about what you say around her [I don't cuss tho] and she can't go to alot of the places on can go. Our church [a different church from her's] has an annual teen lock-in, and something like that, because there are ''bad people'' who go. I was thinking she could come over in a couple of weeks. You have to make an ''appointment'' to see Kacy, usually a couple weeks ahead of time. Last month, I told my parents I wanted to go to Homecoming, two days before the dance, and was able to go. Something liek that would never happen we Katie as you need to plan a long time ahead.
Ashlyn

 

[rodriguezpoultry]

Quote:
That's exactly what I was thinking.