ENJOY!
Disorder in American Courts.
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said; published by court reporters who had the torment of not laughing while these exchanges were actually taking place.
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to
> you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
>
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you forgot?
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
> dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
>
> ____________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNE
> Y: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
>
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
> taken?
> WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>
> WITNESS: *I cant put the response here.. you figure it out*>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
> beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
> male.
>
> _____________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
> to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
> work.
>
> ______________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
> performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too
> much of a fight.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
> school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
> p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I
> finished.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
> sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
>
> ______________________________________
>
>
> And the
> best for last.
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
> you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
> alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
> alive and practicing law.
Disorder in American Courts.
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts' and are things people actually said; published by court reporters who had the torment of not laughing while these exchanges were actually taking place.
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to
> you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
>
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
>
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
>
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
> memory at all?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your
> memory?
> WITNESS: I forget.
> ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
> something you forgot?
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do.
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
> WITNESS: We do.
> ATTORNEY: You do?
> WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
> dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
>
> ____________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNE
> Y: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
>
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
>
>
> ___________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
> taken?
> WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
>
> WITNESS: *I cant put the response here.. you figure it out*>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
>
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different
> attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
>
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
>
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a
> beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
>
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
> male.
>
> _____________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
> to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to
> work.
>
> ______________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
> performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too
> much of a fight.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
> school did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
>
> _________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30
> p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
>
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I
> finished.
>
> ____________________________________________
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine
> sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
>
> ______________________________________
>
>
> And the
> best for last.
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did
> you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
>
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
> alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
> alive and practicing law.
