Do the people in your life "friend" each other on Facebook?

[HHandbasket]

Like most of us, I have a Facebook page that I use for keeping in touch with various people in my life, everyone from folks I went to elementary/junior high/high school with, to my sister and her brood, to my biological father (whom I do not know reeeeeeeally well, but we have developed something of a relationship over the years--long story, didn't meet him until I was in my 20s), extended relatives, coworkers and former coworkers and other professional contacts, my step-dad's family, etc.

I have one friend whom I do not know reeeeeeeeeally well and have not seen in almost 2 years, but we were in a support group together before & after our bariatric surgeries, and we keep in touch with each other on FB & I think the world of her. I noticed tonight that my biological father is posting on her comments, so I looked on his friends list, and he "friended" her. Then I started looking deeper... he has "friended" at least 4 people from my friends list, people he would never, ever otherwise talk to and know (he lives in a different state & I have only actually met him in person a handful of times, maybe 4 or 5). I don't really know my dad all that well and feel somewhat violated by his actions (he has a serious problem with boundaries). I don't wanna have to change my security settings so that even my friends can't see my other friends (because some of us are pretty frequently chatty with each other in groups and posts on FB... you know how it is sometimes).

I mean, this is, after all, my dad. I know on some level, he's trying to get closer to me by getting to know my friends and other people in my life, but REALLY, Dad, friending my facebook buddies ??? Without discussing it with me?? (BTW, it's not like I'm a teenager upset about their dad looking into their business... I'm almost 49 years old, and my dad's in his 70s.)

I was on FB earlier and started looking around and discovered, much to my dismay, that a couple of people I know that do not in any shape, way, or form have any connection to each other have "friended" each other from my Facebook list. It's disconcerting when acquaintances "friend" my family members and and professional contacts.

I dunno why it's bugging me so much, but it is... especially my father. I want to get to know my dad, too, but I don't want to do so by invading his space or talking to HIS friends behind his back on a social networking site.

And what's the deal with my friends saying "ok" when he sends them friend requests? I'm gonna be talking to my dad tomorrow about this. If got a friend request from the father of someone on my friend list I'm not particularly close with, I'd talk to that person first and say, "What's with your dad friending me on Facebook?"

I guess I'm going to be changing my group settings on FB.

Just had to vent a li'l steam.

 

[saddina]

It depends.
It was a bit odd when my ex husband (annulled, no kids) friended my dad and sister (he remained friends with a cousin after we split, he's on my flist now, but that's only as huge groups overlapped, and well since we don't have kids to bicker over, we can be civil now. Long and shot, he pitched my family on Amway, as he has all of his fb friends.

Now I have a group of mostly consertive friends (no clue how that happened, many of us grew up in SF together) and for many i'm the token liberal hippie chick on thier f-list. Inevitably they end up chatting on my wall where things overlap, and some have friended from there. This I don't mind as well, i'd rather they trade links directly, then gum up my page with the latest news on glenn beck/sarah pailin/whomever. So there could be a connection you don't see yet, and not have to do specifically with you. I'd drop those friends a note, say you were surprised to see they friended your dad, and see what they say. Some people take all invites (I have an actual friend who has 600 "friends" mostly from mafia wars, they don't actually hang out, some like my husband only take invites if you pass the 1 degree of seperation test, his aunts (father's sister) are fine, but that cousin's husband he's never met? not so much.

 

[BrattishTaz]

I noticed quite a while back that a former co-worker of mine (in FL) was having a conversation with my cousin in TX. They were even sending each other virtual hugs and hearts.

I know it was harmless but I did a bit odd about it. I have not had a real conversation with my cousin since we were kids and he and this woman were chatting away. I have since noticed several people on my friends list have friended each other.

I think that many (especially older) people have no idea that etiquette should be applied to social networking.

 

[Frosty]

Maybe your friends somehow felt that you would be offended if they turned down a friend request from your father?

In all honesty, some folks seem to think that they need to friend everybody so they can have 500 friends on FB. I really don't know why...

I got a friend request from my older sister's deceased husbands mother. I have never met this woman and seriously doubt I ever will. I just ignored the request. My FB is reserved for actual friends and relatives, I have about 22 total. I really don't want to have a page full of wall posts from people who are esentially strangers. I have ignored requests from people who are 'friends' with my children, too. I don't know them and have no idea of why they sent me a request unless it's an effort to add to their list? And for my childrens 'real life' friends, I have never sent them a request nor have they sent me one. I feel that my children have a right to talk to their friends without mommy prying. My children are not teens, they are in their 20's. But the kids need to be able to talk freely to their close friends and not worry what I will think. JMO... You could always send a message to your friends and tell them that dad appears to be sending friend requests, that you really don't know him well and would be perfectly fine with them ignoring the request?

 

[HHandbasket]

There is no connection between my father and these other people. During my growing up years, my father lived in Oklahoma and Alabama, while I was in Merced, California. *I* don't even know him that well or have connections with him... how do my PERSONAL FRIENDS and acquaintances (3 from my hometown and 1 from Baton Rouge) know him or have a connection to him that I don't know about? And the people from my hometown that know me, know me as my step-father's daughter. Many didn't even know I had "another" father until good old pop shows up on Facebook. I don't think the people my dad has friended would think I would be offended if they didn't friend him because, in all honesty, unless he tells them so, they don't know he's my father (my "middle" name on my FB account is my maiden name, which is the same as my father's last name, and it's a relatively common name--other than that, they wouldn't even have a way of knowing he's my father or even related to me).

My dad's had issues with boundaries in the past and knowing what's appropriate and what's not. It just feels a little creepy, kinda like I'm being stalked by my own father.

When I talked to my dad on father's day, we had a nice, long conversation, and he did tell me he is going to try to get to know me better. I didn't think he meant by going behind my back and getting to know me "through" my friends.

It was also a little weird that a gal I used to go out drinkin' with "back in the day" when I was going through my divorce from my previous husband has now friended my current husband's sister! When I asked her about it, she said, "Oh, I like to friend people on my friends' pages. Helps me to know who my real friends are." That made NO sense to me. This lady had a meltdown recently and is no longer even on FB.

 

[lockedhearts]

Some people on FB, that are not necessarily computer saavy will friend their friends friends , just so they have more people. I do not think that most do it for any real reason other than to have a larger number of friends. Some of mine have done it, but it has been a case where I was friends with someone that they had known and did not realize they were on FB. Also, I have friended others friends since I play games and I knew those friends played as well.

 

[HLAC]

Most all of my friends share friends. Even some of my friends have friended my family members... and vice versa. Doesn't bother me in the least.
I think it would be good way to learn about somebody - to view their friends and their posts.

There's nothing I post on Facebook that I would be afraid/embarrassed if anyone read it.
Sometimes my friends don't practice the same restraint but I'm not their mommy.. they can do as they want and are soley responsible for it.

 

[sfw2]

I am friends with some of my "adult" (the youngest is 18) children's Facebook friends, but only if they sent me an invitation. I didn't want my kids to think I was stalking them through their friends, plus, I didn't want to creep the friends out. Typically, though, these are people I've already met in real life.

 

[HHandbasket]

I'm not trying to hide anything, either. I don't post anything I don't want the world to see! I also have grown children (both in their mid 20s), and I would never, ever in a million years try to friend THEIR friends and acquaintances if I did not already personally know them.

Like I said, I don't know why it makes me so uncomfortable that my dad is doing this. For the majority, my friends/coworkers, etc., either already know each other or have actually become friends THROUGH me and my FB page, which has always been perfectly fine with me. But my dad doing this... I dunno. Maybe it's because I have issues with him. He is always telling me how much he loves me and misses me, but I don't always reciprocate that because for me, it's really hard to say "I love you" to someone I really don't know very well. We share biology... not much else. But he's my dad and I do want to get to know him, would love to get along with him and go visit him, but until we know each other better, I just don't think it's right he friends all my friends and talks to them about me on FB.

My sister... who is the single-nosiest person I've ever met next to our mother... has also gone down my FB list and friended most of my friends and in-laws, several of whom are people she never has met and never will meet. My sister and I are not famous for getting along well, but we are trying to get along better as we get older. So, I have not complained about her friending my friends, particularly since there are a few that she does also personally know peripherally (we all went to the same schools). I do not friend her friends, though, at least not the ones I don't even know!

 

[Imp]

I'm fairly new to fb, and find it rather incomprehensible and slow. Post a comment and hours later get a response. Have decided it will only be for kicks & giggles, so I'm also not posting anything that I care if was printed above the fold in the newspaper. I have pretty much accepted anyone who's asked. I did turn down a few indecent proposals from eastern europe.

Imp