Do the people in your life "friend" each other on Facebook?

[debilorrah]

What happens is, when someone, like your dad, sends a friend request, the person looks at mutual friends. They see you, trust you and go ahead and friend the person. They probably have no idea who he is!!!! I am guilty of the same thing and have had to block or unfriend people because we simply have nothing in common.

 

[CarolJ]

Hope you don't mind if I jump into this conversation. I agree that Facebook can be silly and annoying - and even dangerous if it is not used safely. However, it also can be wonderful. I have a large family - and by reading the posts of my nieces and nephews and cousins, etc., I feel that I know them so much better. Just the little snippets of information about what they're doing, what they're thinking about provide great insight into who they are. Those are the things that you just don't get around to talking about when you only see each other in person once or twice a year. And it's the same with my adult daughter who lives just 8 miles away from me and who I talk to on the phone almost daily and see at least a few times each week. Even people I know professionally - it gives me a chance to get to know them better. Plus, I've reconnected with childhood and high school friends. Overall, I see it as a very positive thing.

I think it gets not-so-positive when people start getting into a "competition" about how many friends they have. Then they start friending anybody who asks - or anyone that FB suggests to them.

 

[Delta2 23]

I go on FB nowadays only to catch up with my friends from England. I am in no way an 'addict' like the majority of my school mates... although I can't say it's always been that way

I recently reduced my friend list from 210 to 74, deleting all the "mutual friends" I'd added, and people I had spoken to once in the fifth grade.

 

[laseterlass]

Of Course Your Dad is Stalking you on FB!. He missed out, for whatever reason, on your life. My husband was discovered by a daughter, that he had been told was miscarried, on MySpace a few years ago. He stalked her and she stalked us. A few months later she flew to meet us in AK. A huge step for an 18 yeard old who had led a sheltered life. She is now a big sister to our son and a sister to my daughters from a previous marriage. We have had dinner with her parents, who adopted her as an infant, our family grew. BUT it all started with some good old fashioned MS stalking!

 

[HHandbasket]

Quote:
Ditto that. I guess I just don't "get" FB at all. These folks aren't really your friends, are they? When you are in the hospital do they come and visit, clean your house for you or help you in any way that doesn't involve sitting behind a computer screen and typing words? I can't imagine that level of friendship doing it for me. I like human contact and human sincerity and I see FB as a way of keeping people at a comfortable distance so you can be a lazy "friend".

Friend requests aren't real friend requests....if they really wanted to be your friend they would call you , visit, have a real life relationship. So what if your dad friends your fake computer generated friends? It's all very superficial and cold anyway. I get tons of friend requests from people I knew in school who haven't bothered to talk to me for over 25 years and now they want to be friends? Sorry....day late, dollar short. Real friends don't catch up on a computer screen....that's what phones are for if you live at a distance, letters are great too and even a personal visit rings of true effort and feeling.

I can't even imagine getting worked up over Fakebook friends. Clearly your dad is lonely and having some regrets about his parenting past. I'd go and see him, tell him everything about you he is wanting to know and make him your real friend.

You couldn't be more wrong about FB. You are right in that you don't "get" FB at all. I have many true and real friends on FB, but I also have acquaintances, as well. It's not a one-or-the-other situation, and you are grossly misled if you think that's what it is. I live half-way across the country from much of my family. I have a brother who's deaf, and if it wasn't for our connection on FB, I wouldn't talk to him much (before FB, we were on Yahoo messenger). FB allows you to keep in touch with MANY of your real friends and family that are far away all at once... it's a huge timesaver when you don't have any family members that live within 100 miles of you.

And if you think electronic friends are "fake"... all I can say is wow, I am sorry your life has left you so bloody cynical. I met my husband... the BEST thing that has EVER happened to me in my entire life... in a Yahoo chat room. Feels pretty real to us, and here we sit almost 10 years later, still together, still happy, and met online. And I would never, ever say "day late, dollar short" to someone who I haven't heard from in 25 years because people's lives take twists and turns and people drift apart. I have reconnected with many old friends. Maybe they are trying to friend you because they have been wondering for years whatever happened to you, how you are, where you've been, and maybe they've been thinking of you and missing you and wishing they could find you. Now that they have, you're gonna say "forget it" just because some time has passed? Seriously? Wow. I am sorry for you.

I would love to go and see my dad and get to know him better. Unfortunately, I cannot fiscally afford to go see him right now, and even if I could afford the travel expense of going to see him, I sure as heck can't afford the time off work. And I'm sorry he is having regrets, but he must remember that it was his choice to womanize rather than be in my life (he had 3 children from 3 different women in the same year--I am one of those 3).

Letters are great... I do write them occasionally. Letter-writing was great when women stayed home to raise the children and had the TIME to return letters/correspondence to friends and family, etc. If you're a SAHM who can do that, I applaud you. The majority of us, however, have had to move into the 21st century, have to work for a living, which doesn't leave us time to correspond. It would take me an hour to write a 2-page letter to my brother... I type 115 wpm, so guess how long it takes me to message him on FB or Yahoo or e-mail? That's right... mere minutes. In this day and age when I have one 40-hour job and one 15-hour job and a household and husband and chickens and grandchildren to take care of, sitting down and having an hour to spare to write someone a letter is a rarity.

And if you think making friends online is so "fake"... what are you doing here? This may not be FB, but it's still online and still a way to conversate with people and make friends. I have made many real friends here and in other online places.

I am sorry to hear your life's left you so cynical, however. I hope it gets better for you. Hugs!

 

[HHandbasket]

Quote:
If I get a friend request from someone I do not know, I don't respond. The only exception is that even after many years together, I still don't really know many of the people in my husband's family, as he comes from a very, very large southern family that is spread far and wide across the country. Were it not for FB, I would never get the chance to know some of my in-laws. It's been great in that regard.

That's what I'm talking about with my dad. Because I'm just getting to know many of my in-laws, I don't jump right in with telling them my life story and that I have a dad and a step-dad and blah blah blah and that my dad doesn't know me and blah blah. Maybe I'll tell them when I get to know them, when the discussion becomes pertinent. My problem with my dad is having him friend people and talk to people that I'm still trying to get to know and telling them my life story (what limited information he does have).

Thank you everyone for your input, though.

 

[thekid]

My mom freakin stalks everything I do on facebook. So I deleted her, because if i posted something she didnt like (example: my neighbor got in a fight with this real wick, because he was dating his ex. So i was like yes he is a wick. used a different word though. and my mom freaking like yelled at me for days and told me to delete.) So I deleted her. Then she was getting on my brothers account to look at my profile. So I deleted him. She trys to control my life, she also want me to work behind a desk at a hospital

I told her maybe I want to work hard and make money instead of a few dollars. She tries to steal my life on facebook and in real life. So the simple thing to do is delete.

 

[Beekissed]

Quote:
Ditto that. I guess I just don't "get" FB at all. These folks aren't really your friends, are they? When you are in the hospital do they come and visit, clean your house for you or help you in any way that doesn't involve sitting behind a computer screen and typing words? I can't imagine that level of friendship doing it for me. I like human contact and human sincerity and I see FB as a way of keeping people at a comfortable distance so you can be a lazy "friend".

Friend requests aren't real friend requests....if they really wanted to be your friend they would call you , visit, have a real life relationship. So what if your dad friends your fake computer generated friends? It's all very superficial and cold anyway. I get tons of friend requests from people I knew in school who haven't bothered to talk to me for over 25 years and now they want to be friends? Sorry....day late, dollar short. Real friends don't catch up on a computer screen....that's what phones are for if you live at a distance, letters are great too and even a personal visit rings of true effort and feeling.

I can't even imagine getting worked up over Fakebook friends. Clearly your dad is lonely and having some regrets about his parenting past. I'd go and see him, tell him everything about you he is wanting to know and make him your real friend.

You couldn't be more wrong about FB. You are right in that you don't "get" FB at all. I have many true and real friends on FB, but I also have acquaintances, as well. It's not a one-or-the-other situation, and you are grossly misled if you think that's what it is. I live half-way across the country from much of my family. I have a brother who's deaf, and if it wasn't for our connection on FB, I wouldn't talk to him much (before FB, we were on Yahoo messenger). FB allows you to keep in touch with MANY of your real friends and family that are far away all at once... it's a huge timesaver when you don't have any family members that live within 100 miles of you.

And if you think electronic friends are "fake"... all I can say is wow, I am sorry your life has left you so bloody cynical. I met my husband... the BEST thing that has EVER happened to me in my entire life... in a Yahoo chat room. Feels pretty real to us, and here we sit almost 10 years later, still together, still happy, and met online. And I would never, ever say "day late, dollar short" to someone who I haven't heard from in 25 years because people's lives take twists and turns and people drift apart. I have reconnected with many old friends. Maybe they are trying to friend you because they have been wondering for years whatever happened to you, how you are, where you've been, and maybe they've been thinking of you and missing you and wishing they could find you. Now that they have, you're gonna say "forget it" just because some time has passed? Seriously? Wow. I am sorry for you. Why, thank you for being sorry for me!

That's nice! I just don't happen to find reconnecting necessary in my life because I never disconnected with those I care about. Those that chose to disconnect with me made a choice, just as I did. Trying to catch up on 25 years of the ins and outs of someone's life just simply cannot be replayed...even if you Fakebooked for the next 25 years to try and catch up. Life is happening every moment and if you want to be in someone's life, then I say, BE IN IT. If not, then catching up later just doesn't cut it for me. Yes, you could say I am cynical...or maybe I'm just different. I like true friends, true commitments, true emotions. One cannot simply place a friend on pause for 25 years and then press play and expect it to be real. That may suffice for your lifestyle but I make commitments and stand by them, no matter what is happening in my own life through the years. If one is important enough to know, they are important enough to plan time for.

I would love to go and see my dad and get to know him better. Unfortunately, I cannot fiscally afford to go see him right now, and even if I could afford the travel expense of going to see him, I sure as heck can't afford the time off work. And I'm sorry he is having regrets, but he must remember that it was his choice to womanize rather than be in my life (he had 3 children from 3 different women in the same year--I am one of those 3).

Letters are great... I do write them occasionally. Letter-writing was great when women stayed home to raise the children and had the TIME to return letters/correspondence to friends and family, etc. If you're a SAHM who can do that, I applaud you. Stay at home mom?

I wish! I have always wanted to be one of those. I have been a single parent of 3 boys for 25 years, thank you, and have worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to support them, as I received no support from their father. It's all about priorities, really. If someone is a priority, then you make the time. I buy cards, jot a few lines...or more than a few. I make phone calls and I even go to hospitals after working a full shift and attending class for 5 hours and stay half the night. That's just what kind of friend I am. Cynical, you say. I don't hold anybody to any higher standard than I hold myself.The majority of us, however, have had to move into the 21st century, have to work for a living, which doesn't leave us time to correspond. It would take me an hour to write a 2-page letter to my brother... I type 115 wpm, so guess how long it takes me to message him on FB or Yahoo or e-mail? That's right... mere minutes. In this day and age when I have one 40-hour job and one 15-hour job and a household and husband and chickens and grandchildren to take care of, sitting down and having an hour to spare to write someone a letter is a rarity.

And if you think making friends online is so "fake"... what are you doing here? I am here because I like to read about and discuss raising poultry...isn't this BYC? Or did I sign onto a Let's Make Friends Forum?

I don't come here to make friends. I don't mind meeting the interesting people, but, face it, they are not my friends in a true sense. Would I drop everything and rush across the country to help them in a crisis? No. My real friends? Yes. I converse with people, enjoy reading about their chickens and such but I'm not really here to make friends. Of course, that word is highly overused, in my opinion. Webster says a friend is someone one knows well and is fond of. I really cannot say I know anyone well that are represented by words on a screen. I think I would have to meet them personally and really get to know them before saying I know them well..... did you marry your husband via the web, before you met in person? Would that have been enough to merely converse with him online and then just set a date? Probably not. This may not be FB, but it's still online and still a way to conversate with people and make friends. I have made many real friends here and in other online places.

I am sorry to hear your life's left you so cynical, however. I hope it gets better for you. My life happens to be great!

That is why I don't get bent over trivial things like Facebook and who is friending whom. I know just who my real friends are and I don't care who they choose to friend...that is their business! I don't have to feel any invasion of my privacy or anything just because one of my friends befriends another of my friends. Actually, nothing could bring me more joy! Hugs to you, honey!

Hugs!

 

[Heathero617]

It happens just like in face to face social situations. So and so knows me and finds out such and such knows me as well so they become friendly and talk and of course, since i'm a common denominator, I'll be brought up in conversation.

In the situation of being told that "true friends" arent those you have on facebook >or any web based medium< kind of offends me. I have not lived by any of my family in 15 years. When I found facebook, i was able to show pictures and updates on our life's happenings on a continual basis. I recently moved away from where most of my friends are >a year ago< and several have gotten accounts just so we could keep in touch easier. Sometimes, a phone call isnt possible as work or personal schedules may clash, especially with anyone in a different time zone. We email and we speak on the phone or even text, but facebook, myspace, and tagged are all ways to sit and converse back and forth in some fashion. Sometimes you get lucky and can privately chat with each other, other times you post something and you get a response when that person has time. There is not presumption of an instant response, its casual. Then there are those friends who had moved away, yes, people lose touch with each other, it happens and to reconnect a year, five, or even 20 years later is a fantastic thing. There are also people I have met purely via facebook etc...either to play their games or just by interacting with them while having a conversation with a mutual friend. I do, in time consider them friends as well. Some people are just more people people than others I suppose. I'm constantly ranting how i hate people when it comes to the horrific things they do to animals, but to be honest, I am quite a people person. I've worked in retail since i was in school and actually love it. I say you can never have too many friends, and if I have more when I kick the bucket because of the website they call Facebook...then so be it, i've died a richer person having been graced to have been touched by those I would have never had the chance to meet face to face.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I hid my friend list from everybody except myself. I did that both for my privacy, and theirs!