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Don't know what to think...

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by Frosty, Aug 12, 2010.

  1. Frosty

    Frosty Songster

    Mar 30, 2008
    First, I want to say that most of this is impressions from posts my niece made on line...

    My niece moved out from home when she was 19, and shortly after that her 'boyfriend' moved in with her. I don't know how well she knew this guy before he moved in? Not long after he moved in, he said 'we should have a baby!' She was all for it, and they started trying immediately. She got pregnant very shortly after, then she started complaining. He wouldn't keep a job, used drugs, expected her to pay his jail bail, fines, etc..., lied to her and stole from her. When she was a few months along, she decided that she couldn't afford to live on her own and moved back with her mom and dumped the 'boyfriend'. After that she always referred to him as 'the sperm donor'. There were complications with the baby during the pregnancy, so they took him early. After many tests, the doctors told her that the baby had a genetic defect (they said heriditary) that had something to do with his liver. The whole time I got the feeling that the baby was more of a toy, or accessory to her. She thrived on all of the attention everyone gave her. At 11 months old (a few months ago), her baby passed away. Not long after, she seemed to be acting like nothing happened, going out with friends and posting things that she thought were funny or cute. I understand people handle grief differently, so I just hoped that she really was doing ok.

    Now is the part that I really don't understand. Within a week of losing her son, she was posting that she wants to have another baby, but at the time it sounded like she meant in the future. Now it sounds like she means 'soon', and she has casually said that she just needs to find a 'sperm donor' first. She is 21, and is even talking about using a sperm bank.

    Another relative suggested that she get tested first to make sure that the baby didn't inherit the defect from her, and suggested adoption as an alternative. Her reply... 'I'm not adopting unless I'm physically unable to have kids! And I would get the test done if I had the money, but they are so so so expensive and I can't afford it! But either way, I would have another baby, so that will be my test, if I have another kid with it, then I know its me, and if I don't ever, it probably was XXXX (like I'm expecting, just b/c of his sister's heart condition).' Not sure what a heart condition has to do with a liver disease? But I really don't know what to think of someone having a baby with a potentially fatal defect and planning more even with the risk of it happening again. She already broke up with another guy around the time the baby passed, one reason was because the guy has sleep apnea and she doesn't want the chance that her next baby would have that.

    I really don't know what to think... or am I just cold and unfeeling thinking there is something wrong with this picture? I am really starting to think that myself, my siblings, and all of our children are all one dysfunctional family.

  2. Miltonchix

    Miltonchix Taking a Break

    Jul 14, 2007
    Milton, Florida
    Theres nothing you can do about it. She's 21 and an adult IN HER MIND. All you can do is offer your unwanted opion on the matter and she'll do it anyway. Sad, but true.
    And US, the taxpayers will be paying for another fatherless child whose mother is only interested in having "fun".
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2010
  3. 3rocksandme

    3rocksandme Chirping

    Jul 23, 2010
    Brookline, NH
    oh dear, maybe try slipping her a crushed up bc pill everyday?
  4. Frosty

    Frosty Songster

    Mar 30, 2008
    I won't offer an opinion unless it's asked for (I know that will never happen...) She wouldn't want to hear it and I prefer not to upset her mother (my favorite sister).
  5. TyrannosaurusChix

    TyrannosaurusChix Songster

    Jul 13, 2010
    Savannah, NY
    Quote:pretty much.

    i hate hearing how people have plans to have a baby .. and no real plans after that
  6. anbhean

    anbhean Chirping

    Jun 3, 2010
    I don't think you are over- reacting at all. That is horrifying! But as other posters have stated, there is just nothing you can do about it. The fact that she deems her childrens' lives so disposable and seems to have no discernible conscience is frightening though. I think I'd have to cut this person out of my life entirely so as to not have to even hear about their heartbreakingly bad decisions.
  7. calicokat

    calicokat Songster

    Apr 2, 2009
    azalia, indiana
    If only there was a faster cure for immaturity!

  8. redhen

    redhen Kiss My Grits... Premium Member

    May 19, 2008
    Western MA
    Insurance should pay for the genetic testing... since her child was born with a genetic problem. It paid for my testing..
  9. Sonoran Silkies

    Sonoran Silkies Flock Mistress

    Jan 4, 2009
    Tempe, Arizona
    My guess is she does not have insurance [​IMG]

    Anyone ever heard of Munchhousen's By Proxy?
  10. greeneggsandham

    greeneggsandham Songster

    Mar 10, 2008
    Quote:Yes I have. I knew someone that has it.

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