Enter the world of Catopia! (please comment)

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by Campine Lover, Jul 4, 2010.

  1. Campine Lover

    Campine Lover Songster

    Mar 7, 2010
    Moss Beach, CA
    Can you guys help me out? I'm writing this as a summer project for middle school, but I've had a writer's block. I haven't really gotten to a point where the story matches up with the summary yet. Is it worth continuing, or should I stop now and start another? Is it good for an almost 7th grader? Thanks!
    Here is the summary: 12 year old Hailey figures out her calico cat ,Twist, is more than just a normal pet, and embarks on an exiting mission in a mysterious world.

    ~~Chapter 1~~
    The wind howled through the trees. Thunder rumbled overhead, and lightning sliced through the sky like jagged white rods. Powerful waves slammed against the towering cliffs of the bay, sending white, frothy spray flying this way and that. As if in answer to the heaving fury of the water, rocks ranging from pebbles to immense boulders tumbled from the cliff as if in slow motion into the shadowy depths of the icy cold water, gathering speed right before impact.

    A hawk flew above, beating its large wings franticly as it tried to manuver through the unrelenting rain and wind. Making slow progress, it dipped and soared through the air.

    Clutched between the hawk’s sharp talons was a tightly rolled up piece of paper. One particularly large gust knocked the poor bird north, and the force of it made him drop the paper.

    The hawk’s name was Shadow, and he was a messenger for the second troop of the fourth regiment for the Water Castle. The job had seemed easy; get letters from one of the Royal Blooded, and deliver them whilst being unnoticed by the enemy. So he had taken the job. But now, looking helplessly at the place where the letter had been mere moments before, he felt an uprising feeling of dread. The consequences would be dire if he was to loose any letter, and this letter was said to be extremely important. He was supposed to be delivering it to the Fire Queen herself. Although he had never seen her, the Fire Queen was known all around Catopia for her ‘fiery’ temper. His current predicament would be sure to anger her, Shadow thought with a wince.

    The thought of her anger if the letter was lost was enough to make Shadow dive headfirst through the heart of the thundercloud after the letter. Where was it? He squinted his eyes. There! By that tree! The paper fluttered down and alighted on the grass.

    Shadow landed beside it and snatched at the letter before it had a chance to blow away yet again. Awkwardly, he hopped behind a boulder. Although he was one of the Water Regiment, he preferred being in the air when it was dry.

    Resting for a moment, Shadow cocked his head and looked at the letter curiously. What was so important about it? It was not even very thick. The strip of leather that was tied around was beginning to come undone. Surely it would not hurt to take a peek?

    With one golden talon holding the leather, he flipped it over with his beak and tugged. Nothing. He hissed in disappointment. There must be a binding spell on it to make sure that the secret, whatever it was, stayed a secret. No matter; everyone in Catopia would know about anything of interest by evening. Nobody could keep a secret around here; gossip spread faster here than the winged horses at the Fairy Races.
    Suddenly feeling guilty, Shadow’s keen amber eyes flicked from side to side, making sure nobody had witnessed his act of disloyalty.Nothing was there because any creatures with any sense at all would be inside their homes, warm and dry. Any creature but me, Shadow thought dryly. He sighed with relief. But still, the curious side of Shadow yearned to find out the truth.

    Grumbling, the hawk took up the paper and headed back into the storm.

    At that moment, the Fire Queen herself, acknowledged as Bright -Shadow to friends and family, was pacing the halls of her castle. Her silver stripes glimmered faintly in the fire that crackled from the fireplace every time she walked by. Where was that letter? It should have been here long ago.

    Angry, she stalked towards the window that overlooked the valley and peered out. Nothing but rain, rain, rain, and more rain. Oh, how Bright-Shadow hated rain. Her fire powers always got tangled when it rained, because everyone knows water is the only thing that can extinguish fire.

    She was an impatient cat, and was always irritable when forced to wait. Over her years as queen, which hadn’t been for long because she was young, she became used to getting what she wanted, when she wanted, and how she wanted it by using….. deals. So, for example, she would say, “Give me that and I won’t burn you into a small pile of charred ashes.” When faced with predicaments like that, Bright-Shadow liked getting straight to the point.

    Rumor had it that four Favored Ones had been born two years ago in Catopia, without anyone finding out. When the rumor got around, the Royal Blooded from every castle had kept it quiet, assuring everyone it was just a rumor. A Favored One hadn’t been in Catopia for several centuries, let alone four of them! I mean, really! Each Royally Blooded in Catopia had just one power of the elements; fire, earth, water, and air. The normal animals each had unique powers; for example, one could have power over feelings, one over weather. But Favored Ones each had power over all the elements, making them extremely powerful. Whenever they showed up, it was always to help with some horrible war, or worse.

    But now the Royal Blooded figured out that the rumor was true. They had been born, one from each of the Elemental Castles, by unknown parents of no royal blood. Each had been sent away secretly by their parents for the kittens’ safety. After months of searching, the Royal Blooded had found out where they were, and were preparing to get them. This letter contained their locations. Oh, where was it?

    Just then a soggy looking hawk entered the room. He bowed, and Bright-Shadow recognized him as one of the Water Queen’s messengers. The letter, at last!
    Nervously, the hawk sidled up towards her extending his wing that held the letter. She snatched it, then glared at him.

    “It is wet,” She hissed.

    Terror flitted over the young hawk’s face and he backed away. “S-s-sorry, miss. It is raining though, miss.” He motioned with his wing over towards the window, where the storm grew worse.

    “Yes, I noticed it was raining out, thank you very much. Now, be gone.” She said icily.

    That was all that the messenger needed. He was gone in a flash.

    Bright-Shadow ripped open the letter, after lifting the binding curse, and scanned the words. On the last sentence of the letter, she gasped and fell back. No, no, no! This was all wrong! How could it be?

    Shuddering, she re-read the letter, again and again. Yes, it was true. They had located all four cats. Three of which were in random areas around Catopia. It also listed names. But, however, the last sentence stated what Bright-Shadow thought could never be true; the last cat, which is also the most powerful, was hidden inside the human world.

    ~ ~ ~Chapter 2 ~ ~ ~

    Bright Shadow felt sick. How could this be true? The Human world was a vast and bewildering place; would this cat even be alive? Favored Ones were said to have semi-long fur, large eyes, and unusual markings. That, all wrapped up together, are the type of things that humans love.

    Her mind swept over all the situations that the cat could be in. Would she be a stray? A pet? Would she even be alive? As her thoughts got more and more agitated, the flames in the fireplace crackled and rose threateningly against the upcoming shadows. She stopped and took a breath. In. Out. In. Out. Of course she was alive. She was a Favored One, not a mindless house pet. In. Out. Ok, I can do this.

    (Any input would be great! Tell me what you like or disliked. Can you tell I like cats? [​IMG] )
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2010
  2. BarkerChickens

    BarkerChickens Microbrewing Chickenologist

    Nov 25, 2007
    High Desert, CA
    In Ch. 1, you introduce Shadow, the magical elemental worlds and the fact that there are 4 magic cats - one of which is in the human world. I think the next step, to remain aligned with your synopsis, is to introduce the cat in the human world and begin that journey between the magic kitty and the 12-year-old girl. But, you have Shadow has a main character now, so don't lose him. You will need to keep all 4 magic kitties active in the story and from here on out, Hailey and the magic kitty in human world need to the primary focus. That should keep you on track to what you have as your idea, but let what you have already written remain.

    As far as you coming into the 7th grade...this is well written. [​IMG] I did not write that well when I was in Jr. High. Then again, creative writing was not my strong point in school...I did better at the performing arts and sciences. [​IMG]
  3. Campine Lover

    Campine Lover Songster

    Mar 7, 2010
    Moss Beach, CA
    Thanks! [​IMG]

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