Explaining death to a 3 year old

[tonini3059]

As most of you know my mom passed away in October from cancer, I have a 5 yo niece and a 3 yo old nephew. My niece Ava never seems to ask question about grandma, but my nephew Nate does everyday. Ava will correct nate when he asks if they are going to grandma and pap pap's house and she will tell him grandma died and is no there. HE constantly brings up where she went and if she is coming back. The other day when I was babysitting he said Grandma is not at the hospital, grandma is not at home...grandma died...I miss grandma. So I just tell him that always remember that grandma loves him and did not want to leave. He knew my mom was very sick and he saw all the cuts from her surgeries, cause he loves boo boos and needs to inspect everyone and show off his. I just feel bad, cause he is so young and doesn't understand. The other day in the middle of the store he brought it up again and my SIL had to explain it again at the store that she is gone and not coming back.
Any suggestions on how to explain death more to a child? My SIL is at a loss for what to tell him other than she is dead and not coming back.

 

[Sallyschickens]

There is a great book called Nanna Upstairs, Nanna Downstairs by Tommy dePaola

ETA: http://us.penguingroup.com/nf/Book/BookDisplay/0,,9780698118362,00.html

 

[tonini3059]

Also she was cremated and there was no viewing and they never saw her after she died which I think is another reason he doesn't understand cause the day before she was talking to him and the next she was gone.

 

[Sallyschickens]

By the way, I'm really sorry.

 

[tonini3059]

Thanks and thanks for the recommendation. I am looking it up online now!

 

[Sallyschickens]

Your welcome, and good luck.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

at age 3, they are VERY concrete in their thinking.. you say Nanna is dead, they think "nanna is something-i-don't-quite-understand"... so they ask again later... My 3 year old doesn't understand death, but if you patiently remind her over and over again, eventually she will understand. SO my advice is to try to be patient, and explain as well as you can, if you believe in Heaven, it can really help, give her a solid place to imagine her Nanna in, instead of just a vague idea of gone...

 

[Sunny Side Up]

First of all,

to you & your family for your tragic loss.

It doesn't make much sense to us grown-ups either, does it? Sounds like you & SIL are doing a good job already with these little ones & all their many questions. Remember at age 3 kids need a lot of repetition in order to fully comprehend a concept, especially one as mystifying as death. And it may even ease his little mind to have the consistency of your answers to his repeated questions in the midst of this unsettling event in his life.

I pray for comfort & healing for you all in your grief, and continued patience & wisdom in tending to these dear children.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

When I was little, my parents used to explain death as that person leaving to be with god (If you believe this, otherwise I don't know how well this would work) and they would tell us that when we died we would see them again in Heaven. I was raised catholic, so that always made sense in my little kid's mind.

If your family is not religious, then gentle reminders will eventually allow him to understand. That is a tough situation because a three year old is able to learn tons of information, but things like death just don't make sense. If a three year can't see "it", its not easy for them to connect two and two.

 

[MandyH]

Here's how we explain it. If you are not a christian and don't believe in God then don't read it. We tell our 4 year old DD that God puts everyone earth to work for Him and when they have done the job He sent them to do, He calls them home to be angels to watch over their family. So now he (nephew) has an angel in Heaven watching over him and she will be there to greet him when his job on earth is done.