Two days ago I took my sick Whitie, my sweet Whitie, who would come running to me whenever she saw me, to the vet because she was very sick. She was sick for days... I had tried all sorts of things to help her get better, and was researching everything I could. I finally decided that I was becoming too stressed out to handle this, and wasn't experienced or informed enough to help her. So, I took her the vet, I looked for an avian specialist, but there was none, and so I called the vet we use for our cats and dog, and she said she saw chickens. I suppose this was my biggest mistake! I took her there, and she died during the exam, I don't know if they were holding her too hard, or she was just that sick. The vet said that she had a very swollen abdomen, she was very hot, and that she was very skinny. I saw her whole body go into a spasm, and her head and neck thrown in a twist from this spasm, and I knew that she was dying and reached out for her, because I wanted to help her... The vet was a ***** about it, and said she had to finish her exam, and didnt even know that she had just killed my Whitie. I told them to put her back in the box, and she was limp, and I just left, running out, not even paying... I just feel so terrible, the image of my Whitie dying keeps repeating in my head. And I feel like I should have stopped them, or never taken her, or found a specialist, or noticed earlier that she was starting to get sick, or kept her home and given her the anitibiotics like I planned.... the list is endless of all the things that I could have done differently, and it hurts so much, because I just want my Whitie back. She was only 3 years old, but I guess from what I read, that is old for a hen bought from Tractor Supply. Maybe my original mistake. I just want her back! I can't handle loss very well. And I blame myself for everything. I feel so bad I let her down. I try to remind myself that she had a good life, free and running and scratching around the yard, raising a whole new batch of chicks, getting yummy treats when she comes to the door, her favorite was cantaloupe. I just want to know that she felt loved, I imagine she did, because I did love her so much. And now I just miss her so bad it hurts!