(((hugs))) I know it's difficult. The first time I quit for any significant amount of time was when I was trying to get pregnant with my second child. I decided I was done, and my husband and I tried quitting together. I am a 'talker' and he is a 'loner'....it didn't work out very well. I wanted to be around him and talk about anything/everything to keep my mind off of smoking, and he wanted to be alone to to feel sorry for himself that he quit before he was ready. He would leave the room, (I would follow)... or leave the house (I would follow) or go back into the house (I would follow).... you get the idea. Finally we had a fight because he was in a terrible mood (which is why he wanted/needed to be alone.) And I told him I was going to buy a pack. He said, "Don't you dare try to blame me for you smoking again!" I said, "They aren't for me, they are for YOU, because your heart isn't in it, and you're being a jerk." So he started smoking again, and I quit with the use of tic-tacs and toothpicks. I sucked on a tic-tac to get the temp/flavor change in my mouth, and for the hand/mouth connection, I sat with a box of toothpicks and a bowl (got rid of all the ash trays) and chewed on toothpicks and broke them into teeny tiny pieces every time I had a craving. It worked, I got pregnant less than 3 months later and had quit cigarettes for 2 years.
I got stressed out, my neighbor was constantly smoking around me, (I thought I could handle it) and I asked her for a smoke one day. I was hooked instantly. I smoked for 5 more years. One day I decided to quit again. This time for my own health and reasons, and my heart and head were not in the same place they were the first time. My husband said he was ready and would quit with me. So, we made a big production of smoking the last two together... and that was that.
I felt HORRIBLE!!! I tried tic-tacs and toothpicks. It didn't help. I tried regular gum... I hate gum.... I tried a ton of things. And I felt like sh!t. I told myself, "If you feel this bad tomorrow, you can buy a pack of cigarettes." The next day wasn't any better. I told myself, "Get through today, and if you feel this bad tomorrow, you can buy a pack of cigarettes." The next day was still terrible. So I told myself again, "Get through today. If you feel this bad tomorrow, you can buy a pack of cigarettes." Now, we lived in Japan at the time, and the nearest cigarette machine was directly across the street. 24 hour access, 200 yen. Easy peasy to get my hands on some.
But I didn't. Several days passed of me telling myself that I could get some tomorrow. I still felt terrible. One day I told myself, "Get though to the one week mark, if you STILL feel terrible, you can get a pack." When the one week mark rolled in, I was still feeling terrible. I tried one more week to see if I could get through 'the worst of it'. The second week came to an end, and I still felt terrible. So I picked up my yen and lighter, and headed across the street. I got my pack, opened it up, started walking home while lighting my first cigarette in two weeks. I took one hit.... it felt so good..... I took a second hit, and thought, "What in the hell am I DOING?! I just went through hell, do I really want to go through THAT again??" So, I put out the cigarette, threw each cigarette on the ground, stomped and rolled it with my shoe until it was dust, went into my house and threw away the packaging. That was July 19th, 1999.
As an ex-smoker, I do not 'cough cough' when I walk by people smoking... sometimes I smell it and think 'aaaaahhhhhh.......' and I remind myself that it only takes one to get hooked again. Sometimes I smell it and feel sick to my stomach. Sometimes it's so thick that I do cough because it hurts my lungs. I have even had dreams that I started smoking again.... it doesn't really ever leave you, but you have to have a mindset that you DON'T smoke... I never tell myself "I can't." If I tell myself "I can't" instead of "I don't" it gives the impression to myself that I am keeping myself from something I want to do. "I don't" tells me that it was MY choice, and I did what I wanted to do for my own reasons.
Oh, and when my husband 'quit' that last time with me..... I found out 3 months later that he hadn't. He was still smoking every day. He eventually moved to dip and did that for many years. I tried to get him to quit because it was gross, but he wouldn't. One day, he decided to quit on his own, for his own reasons, and he's never looked back.
