Having a only child??????Help

[acid_chipmunk]

I am an only child, and I think I grew up pretty well adjusted. I never minded not having any brothers or sisters. I was and still am very, very close to my mom. (Then again, that could have something to do with me being born when she was 16).

I had my son at 19 and hubby and I tried for 3 years before we got pregnant with our daughter. We were beginning to think that our son was going to be an only child, and I was OK with that. My hubby has two younger brothers and they still don't get along, even though they are 29, 26, and 23.

 

[tobin123]

well yesterday iwent for my annual and spoke with my OB about getting pregnant,the what ifs and she talked to me about the blood pressure problems and weight issues.Her opinion,I will be fine we just need to make sure that I watch the stress.So I am still going crazy,yes I want to have another baby.I did contact about Foster I am getting the papers,one thing I was told that each child needs their OWN room,hello that is going to cost 20 to 30,000,I thought we was trying to help children not make it hard for us to keep them safe.WHo knows where this road is going,I don't.

 

[michickenwrangler]

Could you adapt a room into another bedroom? My husband used to work with a county mental health branch and has told me that each gender needs at least 1 bedroom (1 for boys, one for girls). That is part of the reason we cannot adopt or do foster care. DH also has a non-violent felony, so that also puts a cramp in the system.

We only have 1 daughter, unplanned, but we love her. We try and get her with other kids whenever we can, even if they are not her age, just for the social education it gives her. My Catholic family keeps pressuring me to have more children, but I don't want anymore. I hated being pregnant, I hated those first few months of midnight feedings and the first few years of potty training and diapers. I don't want to go through it again. She does get lonely, although I've been assuring her that her two friends with siblings will be over at our house when they all get order to get some peace and quiet

 

[tobin123]

The more and more I think of it I lean a little more to not having another BC I hated bed rest!!!!!!I had PPD really bad and prices on everything.This is where i am right now?????????I also keep thinking that our boy is turning 10 in Oct and I am turning 30 in July hubby is 7 years older.I don't want to hurt us when he wants to retire and who is to say it won't.
our home only has 2 bedrooms and one small room for our school room.Thanks for the advice

 

[wishful]

I think for your kid's sake it's probably not too huge a deal either way - he'll grow up well-adjusted and all that.

I have three siblings and there are ten years between my older sister and my younger sister (my brother is between me and my older sister) and we're all super close. I can't imagine not having siblings, and I love them all very much. We moved around a lot as I was growing up, usually not staying anywhere more than a few years, so my family is really the only friends I've had for more than a few years. My oldest non-family friend who I'm still in regular contact with I only met about two years ago, so my siblings are obviously really important to me. I know I'll always have them, even if we move away from each other or get busy with life or whatever. I was feeling really down a few days ago and told my brother about it and he managed to cheer me up completely with an email - I don't have that sort of closeness with any non-family friends.

On the other hand, my best friend is an only child and she's certainly not suffered any horrible consequences from it. She does tell me sometimes she wishes she had siblings, but she has "adopted" siblings - friends and cousins who she is super close to and say she considers to be like sisters or brothers.

So I guess my point is don't worry too much about providing siblings for your son - he'll no doubt be fine either way. If you and your husband are wanting another child, that's a good reason to try to get another one (perhaps adoption or fostering as you mentioned, if pregnancy is too risky) but don't worry that you're going to be depriving your son by raising him as an only child or something.

Good luck with your decision and wherever it leads you!

 

[NurseELB]

I'd like to chip in with a story of my own, if you don't mind...

I had a baby boy when I was 16. Young and stupid, but smart enough to know I couldn't give him the life he deserved, I placed him for adoption. 3 years later I married my DH. He knew all about William and not once did he have a problem with me being 'ruined', or jealous when I got pictures from the adoptive parents, he always shared in my joy.

DH had a hard childhood, his mother is mentally unstable, his father left when he was 2, and he grew up a beaten only child. Needless to say, he didn't think much of having children of his own. We were surprised with our daughter 3 years into our marriage, and it took him a while to come around. The instant she was born he was head over heels in love, but NO WAY did he ever want a second child.

When our daughter was 4 I asked her if she wanted a baby brother or sister. I had started getting baby fever again, and thought I could use her request as leverage. To my surprise she said "No Mommy, I want a BIG brother." I was floored.

After that I let it rest for awhile, life got past us and DD is turning 15 on Saturday. At the age of 11 I realized I never want to go through the teenage years again and thanked the Lord he never gave us a second baby!

Last Christmas Victoria and I met her BIG brother for the first time. He is a wonderful man, and I think they will develop a close friendship as she grows up. When I told him the story of the big brother he cried, and I could feel the rightness of all of my life's decisions at that moment.

May you too be blessed with feeling the rightness of your decisions. May all your difficult decisions be lifted from your shoulders and placed into the hands of the One who guides you.

Erin

 

[Three Cedars Silkies]

My daughter is now 22 years old and is an only child. Many reasons, but mostly because I had her when I was 36 years old. The first few years I thought I wanted another baby, but as she began to get a bit older, I knew that my decision not to have anymore was the right one.

She is very well adjusted...a college senior...engaged to a wonderful young man...just got back from a one year tour in Iraq (Army Reserves)...and a happy chicken lover. I will say that the relationship between a mom and a single child is very tight and I have to constantly remind myself that although I love her with my life...she has a life of her own too. I think having an only child leaving home is probably harder than those having several...but I don't have several, so I don't know for sure!!

I will say that she was able to be involved in many activities that I would not have been able to afford if I had more than one...

 

[t4dbirds]

Tobin123,

You might try going through a different agency for foster. I went through all the paperwork to foster and was told as long as the room was a certain size that the children could share the room. Off the top I don't remember what sq.ft. but it's not that much as the bedroom I was thinking isn't big but big enough for two twin beds and two dressers so they could have their own stuff.