Wow hon, you are living under a burden that would break most people. As much as I would like to believe that this problem is about religion I think it's fairly obvious (if you are honest with yourself) that the religion is an excuse to do as he pleases. I really hate to be blunt but since you asked for advise from friends (and I always try to be honest with my friends) I feel that (I want to say this sooo gently) your husband made a choice a while ago that did not include you and he is fine with that choice. Honey (I have children your age so forgive me if I talk to you like one of my own) if he still loved you and the kids, if you still mattered to him you wouldn't be having to fight or beg or try to reason with him with nothing but adamate refusal to compromise, or even have a sane discussion, coming from him.
When you tell the story of the breakfast thing it is extremely obvious that your suspicions are correct. He manipulated the whole event knowing how you would react because he had no intention from the get-go of having breakfast with you or of spending any time with you. The entire conversation was to try to place blame on you when he knew what he was doing was wrong. Only the guilty go through those kinds of pains to try to shift responsibility for their guilt onto others. I don't think it will be long before he tells you the truth about how he feels, or rather how little he feels for you and the children these days. The way he is going about it makes me think that there is a mental illness of some kind (especially when he and/or his family obviously had some issues earlier in life) but the fact remains that he has turned his heart away from his family and the harder you try to hang on the more likely it is that he will pull away harder.
He is treating you horribly and you are giving him permission to do so. It is a terrible thing to consider living a new life without the person you expected to grow old with but I'm afraid what you are living now is not a life fit for anyone, especially not those girls that are being harrased and made to feel like they are "less than" another human being. A cult or a new religion could not make a person turn away from the family they love if the person was committed to that family. Even if he is not having an affair with another woman he has already chosen others over you and the kids.
Life does exist after a breakup. In fact leaving my first husband was the best move I ever made! You have accepted that life has to be stressful and bleak so you aren't truly aware of how heavy a burden you are carrying! When you do leave it may seem like the end but very quickly you will realize how much lighter you feel! Like you can finally breathe! I hesitate to say what a wonderful man I am married to now because I didn't leave my first marriage looking for a better mate nor should anyone! It takes time to learn who you are again after leaving an abusive relationship (don't kid yourself the psychological abuse can be worse than the physical) or any relationship really. But in learning to get to know and love yourself again you will naturally demand more from life in the future and that makes it less likely that you will repeat the same mistakes. I loved being single and never even thought about getting married again. Life can be blissful when you have your wonderful children for company. Other healthy relationships will naturally develop over time as well.
Human beings will often try to push the other person away first when they want out of a relationship. It is a chicken "bleep" way of ending a relationship and they often aren't even being honest with themselves about what they are doing. But staying out all night etc, etc, is an obvious ploy to get a negative reaction from you so that when you react with anger he has an "excuse" to pull away. If that didn't make you angry he would just push even harder since what he wants is separation. If you didn't get angry at all he would use your weakness as an excuse to separate himself from you. The sad thing is he will most likely become attracted to you again once you get the courage up to value yourself enough to leave him. When you see yourself as a valuable person that deserves much better he will likely see that too but I hope you don't ever return. His mental state is not stable and his whims will likely change again once he has you back and is able to start taking you for granted once more. His real problem is himself and he will never make a good mate while that is still an issue.
This is a very hard thing to discuss in a short cut version so I apologize for the lengthy post. If you are not ready to hear any of this then chalk up my whole rant to senility and get on with your life. I wish you nothing but the best as most all of the posters here obviously do as well! Good luck in whatever you decide!!!
When you tell the story of the breakfast thing it is extremely obvious that your suspicions are correct. He manipulated the whole event knowing how you would react because he had no intention from the get-go of having breakfast with you or of spending any time with you. The entire conversation was to try to place blame on you when he knew what he was doing was wrong. Only the guilty go through those kinds of pains to try to shift responsibility for their guilt onto others. I don't think it will be long before he tells you the truth about how he feels, or rather how little he feels for you and the children these days. The way he is going about it makes me think that there is a mental illness of some kind (especially when he and/or his family obviously had some issues earlier in life) but the fact remains that he has turned his heart away from his family and the harder you try to hang on the more likely it is that he will pull away harder.
He is treating you horribly and you are giving him permission to do so. It is a terrible thing to consider living a new life without the person you expected to grow old with but I'm afraid what you are living now is not a life fit for anyone, especially not those girls that are being harrased and made to feel like they are "less than" another human being. A cult or a new religion could not make a person turn away from the family they love if the person was committed to that family. Even if he is not having an affair with another woman he has already chosen others over you and the kids.
Life does exist after a breakup. In fact leaving my first husband was the best move I ever made! You have accepted that life has to be stressful and bleak so you aren't truly aware of how heavy a burden you are carrying! When you do leave it may seem like the end but very quickly you will realize how much lighter you feel! Like you can finally breathe! I hesitate to say what a wonderful man I am married to now because I didn't leave my first marriage looking for a better mate nor should anyone! It takes time to learn who you are again after leaving an abusive relationship (don't kid yourself the psychological abuse can be worse than the physical) or any relationship really. But in learning to get to know and love yourself again you will naturally demand more from life in the future and that makes it less likely that you will repeat the same mistakes. I loved being single and never even thought about getting married again. Life can be blissful when you have your wonderful children for company. Other healthy relationships will naturally develop over time as well.
Human beings will often try to push the other person away first when they want out of a relationship. It is a chicken "bleep" way of ending a relationship and they often aren't even being honest with themselves about what they are doing. But staying out all night etc, etc, is an obvious ploy to get a negative reaction from you so that when you react with anger he has an "excuse" to pull away. If that didn't make you angry he would just push even harder since what he wants is separation. If you didn't get angry at all he would use your weakness as an excuse to separate himself from you. The sad thing is he will most likely become attracted to you again once you get the courage up to value yourself enough to leave him. When you see yourself as a valuable person that deserves much better he will likely see that too but I hope you don't ever return. His mental state is not stable and his whims will likely change again once he has you back and is able to start taking you for granted once more. His real problem is himself and he will never make a good mate while that is still an issue.
This is a very hard thing to discuss in a short cut version so I apologize for the lengthy post. If you are not ready to hear any of this then chalk up my whole rant to senility and get on with your life. I wish you nothing but the best as most all of the posters here obviously do as well! Good luck in whatever you decide!!!
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